Grieving Friendship Change

I had RNY last year, and have been having some excellent success with it. For the most part the changes have been so great.

I feel so grateful for the fact that I've been able to take back my life. There have been some really great people I've been able to meet, and I've been able to take on some new responsibilities that put me in a position to make many new friends. The kicker is that they seem to really like me.

However, the friend that was closest to me has dropped off the map.

I'm not naive. I can see, hindsight being 20/20 that the way we used to interact pre-surgery had some toxic elements. We used to commiserate because we were both very unhappy. There was a level of comfort in it, because we were in it together.

I've changed in that regard, because hope has come back and I'm not miserable anymore.

My friend has made the odd comments to me, when we have talked that she doesn't know why her marriage is falling apart and not mine, and that she's happier having reclused herself, rather than interacting with others right now.

It feels as though in the time where I could finally have success and I could share it with her, she has disappeared.

I *know* that this is more about her than about me. That's not changing the fact that I miss having a close friend.  I feel a little in limbo over it all, since I don't know if it's simply a transition period, or whether this is a permanent change to the friendship. Can anyone speak to it at all and give me some hope on the matter?

I lost a very close friend when I lost my weight. She said I change and some other stuff and yes I did change.  I had to ask myself what and how did I change and make sure that the changes were not bad changes.  When I answer these questions I realize that they were good changes and there was nothing wrong with the changes.  You really need to take a look at the friendship and see why did it work. For my friend she like being the skinny one and having all the attention and that  changed after the lost of the weight and she did not like it.  Look at the friendship and figure out if you really want to stay friends and if you do than sit down and talk to her about what is happening and your feelings.  Than take it from there. If it can not be straighten out then maybe you guys were never as good of friends as you thought and you will meet new people who will become your true friend

I have lost a few close friends since I lost my weight too. It was sad. My personality has stayed the same and also my overall being, the difference was my weight. When my "so-called" friends decided to let me go, it felt like death. I was sooooo hurt and grieved the loss of my friends. 

With that said, I have made MANY more great friends!!As far as I 'm concerned... to bad for the ones that dropped me as their friend. 

:) Hope you get thru. I know it is hard; sometimes it's just apart of life. Maybe your friend will see and she will return.

Friendships are tenuous at times. They require a lot of give and take. Unfortunately, with this process, we start taking more than we should sometimes.

I recently had a situation where I had a friend tell me that she was taking better care of herself and had lost 10 pounds. I said "good for you" and then proceeded to tell her that I was doing the same and had lost 40. At the time, I felt like I was sharing a positive moment with her, but in hind sight, I realize that all I really did was 'one up'  her.

Why was it not enough to just congratulate her and show support?? Why did I have to bring up my own success??

I bring up this story cause it showed me that I need to be more aware that I could be accidentally hurting people with my success and positivity. My old friends stood by me when things were bad and I have a responsibility to work harder at keeping them.

Now having said that, no one needs poison in their life. If she is railroading your success, then you may need to walk away.