Scopes tomorrow... yayyy :/

Well, I haven't checking in in awhile, as I've been dedicated to planning my stepmom's memorial with my Dad and the Taoist Tai Chi friends with whom Carol spent 35 years volunteering with. Maybe I'm nuts, but when my gastroenterologist had an opening for my colonoscopy/endoscopy tomorrow, the day before the memorial, I took it, rather than wait until April 1st. I then was able to reschedule my last appointment, the psychologist, to Tuesday the 25th. I was originally supposed to see one on January 22, but that day Carol took a turn for the worse and I rushed back to the hospital. She passed away January 30th.

Now, what this post is actually about is that I am now realizing just how difficult it's going to be the first few days on Opti, as not being able to eat any solid food this morning followed by clear fluids only this afternoon is tooooough. I've done it before but today I just want to eat! I'm not even like this usually, but I admit that when I'm not actively helping my Dad I am pretty down and sad (legitimate, I know) and food definitely comforts me. I haven't thought of myself as a big comfort eater, just an overeater in general, so it's good to recognize, I suppose.

I am nervous that despite having a clear MRI result, that my GE will see something tomorrow that will put the brakes on this journey. I have been Crohn's free for almost 9 years, and I don't feel any symptoms, but you just never know until you shove a camera down (and up) there!

I'm also nervous that the psychologist will derail me somehow. I know everyone feels this way, but I guess having just lost one of the most important people in my life (Carol raised me with my Dad from age 11), she may think I can't also focus on myself and this journey. But if there was one thing Carol could still communicate to me in her last days, it's that she was so supportive of this surgery for me and how it's going to improve my life. She felt terrible that I had to cancel my last appointment, even though I am glad I did. Her love and hope for me to have better health, happiness and confidence is really going to be my strength going through this journey. I guess all I can do is convince them of that.

Thanks for letting me vent, everyone. What were your feelings before the psychologist appointment, and how did it actually turn out for you? Would I know by now if the nutritionist had any issues and wanted me to come back again? She didn't say anything in the appt.

If the nutritionist needed another appt they would have let you know by now. Just be honest with the psychologist. You are actually ahead of some people. It takes them longer to recognize their triggers. You appear to be dealing with them in this time of stress. That is another positive you show them. Also you have motivation. You have carols memory to help you through.

Come vent anytime. Good luck with your appointments

Don't worry about the Opti.  It's easier than the clear fluids diet for the scope as Opti is a meal replacement.  I agree, it could take a couple days to get used to the routine, but if you take your average day, divide it by 5, then you can space out the Opti equally, and find time for your water.  I stuck on the same schedule.  I had my first one about 6 am, then the next about 10, the next about 2 and the last about 6.  In between, I had at least a bottle of crystal light iced tea, and when still needed something had broth.  After my 6pm meal, I'd treat myself to a SF jello.  I don't really remember being hungry, and most of the time, I still had to cook for my family.  It didn't bother me though.

As for the psychologist, be honest with him/her.  If you are not, you will only hurt yourself.

You will always have Carol's support, when ever you start to feel doubt in yourself, lean on her.  If it helps, keep a diary of letters to her.  In the diary, let her know about your sucesses, and when you are feeling down.  Sometimes, putting it on paper helps us deal with things.

Good luck with the scopes.

Cathy