Discussion "who am I" ?

I am sure that some of you may agree, that if you have been overweight majority of life, it defines you. Your interactions with people are based on how you feel about yourself, may that even be on subconsious level. Do you find that as you change physically, your relationships change as well ? Also, are you tempted to do things that you never thought possible ? When you are right in the midst of middle age crisis (as I am :)) it's really scary to change from something not particularly loved but known and comfortable. How are you going through your new and improved life ?

I am not at the 'mid life' crisis stage yet. Actually, I am a university student and I have not yet had surgery...but I wonder about this every day! "What will I be like after? Will I be more outgoing? Will my likes and dislikes change? Will my relationships change?" I am excited to have these questions answered, yet I am scared to come to them! 

In general, I don't want to assume anything.  Personally, I don't think that I really changed much with losing weight.  The one thing that did happen was I was more confident in myself and became stronger and yes, I did start doing some activities that I didn't think I could do any more.  Did my relationships change?  Yes, they have.  The ones that were true, lasted and those people are proud of what I have accomplished.  My marriage did not survive.  Last June my husband and I separated.  He has a number of problems that he and his parents won't admit to.  As in most cases, I became the one to blame.  The main thing that I did was stand up for myself as well as protect my children.  They don't like that.  Was the separation a bad thing, nope.  My boys and I are doing so much better now than before.  Am I busier, not really.  I have had to rely on others a couple times due to double bookings of activities for my boys, but that's not a bad thing.

Am I tempted to do things I never did before?  Yes, I'm still shy and don't like doing things alone (that won't change) but I am interested in doing different things.  That Mud Run looks like an amazing time, and I'd be tempted to go, but I'm booked at an event all weekend (helping out with B.A.I.T.).  It'll be the first time working at it, and I'm sure I'll meet a number of other wonderful people.

Things that I've done that I didn't think I'd do?  At 4 months, I outskated my kids at public skating without any pain.  Last summer I took my RIS and Trainer Courses to help out with my son's hockey team (helping out the youngest, now the oldest wants me to take the coaching course and help his team next year).  I never thought I'd be doing that.  Hardest part will be learning the rules of hockey, I played lots as a kid, but it was street hockey which means no rules.  This summer I want to take my First Aid Course (should be easy, was pregnant and fat the last time I took it) and up my Trainer to Level 2.  I always supported and watched my kids in hockey, now I'm more involved.  I spend more time with my kids now.  I am also dancing to Just Dance and Hip Hop Dance.  Looking forward to better weather and go for walks and play with the kids outside more.  I am definitely more active and more involved in life.  Do I go to the gym every day?  Nope, going back, but have to kick my butt back there.

Other things I did last summer that I wouldn't have been able to do before.  Prepare my house for sale and move in the fall.  I wouldn't have been able to get rid of all the garbage (junk cupboards that were "salvaged" by my ex and left there, his magazines and box after box of newspaper clippings), replace the ceiling fan, paint rooms, rip out carpet and put in laminate flooring (with my now 9 year old's help).  I did all that by myself and sold the house within 6 weeks.  I fixed a number of other things in that house.  I packed the whole house up, I took van after van load of stuff to Value Village.  I had a pick up done for Value Village.  This was all stuff I knew how to do, but with believing I could do it, I did it.

I had a crappy year, but I am so much better and stronger for it now.  Now I'm ready for Canada's Handyman Challenge,lol.  Did any of the crappy year make me regret my surgery, nope not once.  Anything that I lost during this journey, wasn't worth keeping.  Be it fat, relationships, inhibitions, or whatever.

Cathy

Amazing story!  Very inspirational!  Way to go...

I too have been separated (midst of getting a divorce, when I can actually afford it) but for almost 3 years now (July).  I am still struggling to accomplish things on my own, we live in a semi, so not a huge home, but still lots of work to be done.  I am still in the pre-op stage, so my weight does impact what I do and don't do still.  I can't wait to be able to do things cause I'll have more energy, won't be lugging those extra pounds up and down stairs...it truly does take a lot out of me walking up two flights of stairs with a load of laundry...sorry, this topic is to find out about how things change after and here I am ranting away...  I just wanted to say that your story @Catw is truly an inspiration!

I'm still working on saving for a lawyer as well, that's the hard part.  There's always a list of things to do.  I moved at the end of November (My Mom and I are renting a bungalow duplex together) and I still have bags and boxes to unpack, and put away.  Part is that I need warmer weather and time to work in the garage to put shelves up.  You'll definitely find things easier as you lose weight after surgery. It'll be a surprise when you realize how things change, trust me on that one.

Cathy

That is truly inspiring, Cat. Thank you for this story

As I said, anything worth keeping will stay, anything that doesn't stay isn't worth keeping.  And with the weight gone, you'll realize how life has made you that much stronger for having it and having to deal with it.  You won't change, it's just with the weight your like a picture covered in stuff, as you lose the weight, the stuff drops off and you can really shine.

Cathy

Great post. You have done so much for both yourself and your kids. I hope this year is a better one for you

I already know that this year will be a better one for us. Not that there won't be any challenges, but they are ones we will get over together.  We've been doing it since June, and I know that there is nothing that we can't accomplish together.

Cathy

I had this surgery when I was 60. I have always been an introvert and continue to have problems relating to people although I am now more likely to try. My main relationship is with my husband and kids. I have been married for 37 years and he is still my greatest supporter. His concern when I was over weight was my health. I had high blood pressure, atrial fibrilation, diabetes and limited mobility with fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis. His main complaint since sergury is he can't keep up with me now and that I am trying to kill him with exercise! LOL I no longer have hight blood pressure or diabetes and my AFib is under control. The artritis flares but on a day to day basis I am much more mobile.

At 7 mths I did the 30km Ride for MS. This was a great challenge for me a couch potatoe. Last summer I walked in the trees and did 3 zip lines each higher. I went to Wonderland because my husband challenged me to try the rides I never fit into before. I did 4 rides and then went to the wave pool. I will never do this again because as someone with arthritis I should have had my head read for trying it.

I used to worry if I went for a walk if I walked to far how would I get home. Now I love to go for walks. Last Saturday my dog and I did over 7000 steps and would have kept going but the wind came up and it was getting too cold for me.

People treat me differently. It is annoying to have people who bartely gave me the time of day now chat me up. Like being think makes me more worthy.

I love my new life. I look for new things to do and experience. My husand and I are already planning our bike ride/camping trip for this summer.

Certainly no regrets. Just wish I had done this years ago. When My kids were young I tried to never stop doing things because of my weight but in doing that I injured my joints even further.