GULP .. getting nervous, excited

I am at the point of scheduling a teleconference appointment with the surgeon at St. Joseph's in Hamilton (either Dr. Gmora or Dr. Anvari), for final approval of the surgery. GULP I started this process back in November of 2012, with the doctor's office sending in my paperwork. NEED to take some LONG AND SLOW breaths. I really want this, no doubt there. I NEED this surgery, no doubts there either.

My problem, fear of failure. What if I screw up, again, after all the dieting screw-ups in my life? The wasted gym memberships, the fad diets (Special K Diet, anyone), Weigh****chers, TOPS, special cookbooks, bags of veggies rotting in the fridge, chewing gum, hypnosis, shakes, Slim Fast stuff, Boost, diet bars (how many did I eat in a day?), hi protein, low carb, low fat, vegetarian, .... the only thing I didn't try was Dr. Bernstein! .. and that's because I watched a friend do it and get very sick, living off canned tuna with vinegar and injections.

There, I've said it .. I am afraid of failing. I can follow instructions, directions, read labels, etc. .. still afraid of failing and hearing it, "she went through all that surgery and recovery for WHAT? .. she's just as fat as when she started". Maybe it's going to be all too difficult, maybe I won't be able to do it? bah .. I don't know anymore. Julie

Good luck with your call, Julie and welcome on board, I think many were afraid it does get better, keep posting and read it helps

Hello 4-Jane, 

Thanks for the response to my very first post! I'm not really afraid, it's more like a feeling of nervous, excited, maybe a little tiny bit anxious. I forgot to mention in my post that I did have an acquaintance pass away from complications due to her bariatric surgery in the US, a few years ago. I have since heard about one other person passing away from the surgery. That is a concern to me, as I am the only child and along with my hubby, we are taking care of my elderly mother in our home (she hated the nursing home).

Also, I think the build-up to this surgery has been soooo long and involved, that it's all I can think of sometimes! lol

Good to hear from you! Take care, Julie

I think most people have this fear of failure.  Not sure what can be done about that other than prepare as much as possible so that you are as ready as possible. One thing I do when I get freaked out about it is I ask myself these what ifs:

- "what is the worst thing that could happen?" and then "if the worst happened what would I do?"

failed, did not lose weight, gain weight back or weigh more than before - and now I have food intolerances and have to take vitamins for the rest of my life for nothing. 

This would suck big time but if I do nothing it is certain that my health will suffer just as much.  If this happened at least I would know I had done everything I could to improve my health.  I would deal with the health issues just as I deal with my present health issues.

- I could die from surgery.

This would not be good obviously but I would be dead so I would not be suffering/afraid. I could easily die from my comorbidities so not having surgery may be less risky long term.

- I could have major complications

I would deal with them same as I deal with the comorbidities I have now

- What is the best thing that could happen?  What would that be like?

I could have a textbook surgery and recovery, get to a healthy weight and lose all my comorbidities.  I could add 20 additional years to my life, have lots of energy, and feel confident and more in control for the rest of my life. I am in the best shape of my life. This is the "dream" scenario :0)

What is most likely to happen?  What would that be like?

- Chances might have some complications and will have many challenges, and will get to at least an "overweight" bmi. My energy will be better, more mobility, and I will feel more confident.  I will have added many years to my life, and reduced or eliminated most of my comorbidities. It will not be easy nor perfect but I will do my best because I know how important this is to my health and my future. When I do have some regain I am quick to identify it and get the help and guidance needed to keep my weight as healthy as possible.  This would be a great improvement over my present health.

Then I offer up my fears to a higher power/the universe. This frees me to move on to thinking about other things.

This always makes me feel more in control as I have thought the issue through and have a plan and the most likely scenario.  It helps me to stop obsessing too. 

Wow, this was a long post - this exercise really helped me feel calmer too - thank you for posting lol

Well said Zizzler!  The exercise you took us through is something that can be used in many anxiety provoking situations.  Shoot for the moon and you may land among the stars, or stay where you are with your feet planted on the sinking, sandy ground.

Cheers,

Tracy

Thank you Tracy - it does seem to put things in perspective and help me let go of my fears.  I also like the books "mind over mood" and "feeling good".  Those 2 books along with therapy changed my life by teaching me how to think a problem through rather than just freaking out.  I still freak out from time to time and forget to use it, but I am getting better at this all the time. 

Oh Zizzler, I have the book "Mind over mood" too, used it along with a therapist. I'm going to have to dig that book out with my notes and get back into it. Thanks for the reminder. Julie

Hey Trace, thanks for your response to my post. One of my concerns is that I have been told I can't lift or carry anything heavy after surgery for about six weeks, including a bag of groceries or a laundry hamper. What was your experience with that? Julie 

Hello Zizzler, thanks for your response to my first posting! Just got the call that Thursday will be my telehealth conference appointment with Dr. Gmora. GULP again! I keep reading your post over and over, answering the questions you have posted. It's a huge help, tyvm. Julie

Hi Julie, welcome.

I was always afraid of taking risks, just wanted to stay in familiar quiet surroundings. I am going to be 40 soon and now I am thinking that I won't have much to remember when I reach my golden years. Life is an adventure, you only get one chance, might as well live it to the fullest. It's scary, you might fail yet again or you might not and oh, what a new world it would open. You won't know until you try, right ? I am right there in the same boat as you but I am really trying to look at the big and shiny picture. Lots of luck