our spouses/partners

Please tell me I'm not alone when it comes to my bf not wanting to talk to me about anything surgery related. I feel like every time I'm feeling uneasy, scared etc. The first mention of my surgery he turns into an ass. It's like I have to avoid talking about everything. When Im on here reading posts or talking to friends through here he gets agitated. I have tried to talk to him about his feelings and his concerns regarding my choice. But he just says he's fine and won't talk. He has told me that he loves me the way I am and that I don't need the surgery and I have told him that I need to do this for me. For so many different reasons and that the decision has already been made (my surgery is tomorrow morning at 10am). I have tried to make this journey include him and tried to bring him on board but nothing is working. What does a girl (or guy) do to make their spouse see that this is for the better? Ps. I'm freaking out a little now and can't believe it is tomorrow. Last day of opti and last day as the old me. Why is this so scary?

Crystal, I feel your pain although my husband still listens i can feel his frustration with me.  My husband tells me that it is my decision but believes i can lose the weight on my own and that i don't need the surgery either.  It is a conflict because whatever i do will affect the entire family.  You have to do this for you, be comfortable with your decision and try not to let others influence your decision. I wish you peace ....you got this!!

Because its life changinhlg, thts why it is scary, u r saying goodbye to the safe, easy comfort of ypur old habits, your bf is most likely scared of the change as well, i kno mine was, he came.around.tho and was mx main support

It is a normal reaction for some-he is probably very worried that something will go wrong...complications or whatever.  I don't know if he is a "big" guy but he may be worried about the drastic changes that are about to happen.  He will come around so just give him some time.  Good luck tomorrow-you will do awesome.

No he's not a big guy he is 175 lbs of muscle no weight issues. I get that there are fears but then talk to me about them. I want to talk to him about my fears but I have to resort to talking to friends or my family. He is supposed to be my partner my rock.

I feel your pain. You want and need his support now more then ever. My husband came to all my appts with me and stayed at the hotel across the street the whole time I was there. I was very lucky. If you don't get support from him come to this forum as we are your biggest cheerleaders and support system. You can vent about anything you want here. Again I wish you a smooth surgery and quick recovery. You will be so happy that you did this for YOU!

 

Thank you Monica! You are definitely very lucky I have gone to all appts by myself start to finish!

My husband had a lot of concerns about my surgery. He didn't think I needed it, loved me the way I was, was scared I would die on the table, was scared I would change when I lost weight, was scared I would leave him, was also scared I would be depressed after surgery because I couldn't eat the things and amounts that I wanted to.

I am now almost 10 months out (by date) and it has been a bit of a bumpy road, however, we are in a good place and everything is coming together for us. Obviously, I survived the surgery (the scariest part for both of us). Since surgery, he has tried to be very supportive of all of the changes I have been making, but it hasn't been easy. I think he got tired of everything being all about the surgery for me (in the beginning) but, that has eased up a bit for me now. In the beginning, all I could think and talk about was the surgery and what I needed to do to be successful. Now, it is just my normal life and not a huge thing, so, I don't feel the need to talk about it so often. Don't get me wrong, I do still talk about items, just not as much. And, he is fine with that and discusses whatever with me.

Then, he was worried I was turning into an exercise addict, lol. But, I have a good routine in place now where I get the exercise I need and it does not have a huge affect on the family routine (I go before work each morning). This also ties in with him being worried about me changing and possibly leaving him. I agree that I have changed, but in a positive way. I have more energy to do things with him and the kids, I feel better about myself, etc. I think he sees the positive now and realizes that no matter how I change, I am not leaving him. I love him and tell him all the time. I did have to reassure him a lot in the beginning, but, it is getting better everyday.

As for being depressed about what I can't have, I don't feel like that. Yes, sometimes, I am like, man, I wish I could eat all of that! But, the feeling passes. And generally, I can have a bite of whatever it is and it doesn't bother me and it is enough for me :)

I hope this helps! Good luck tomorrow!

Thank you! I hope he comes around. I know I have been talking a lot about my surgery but it is a huge life change as u know so I really need the support. 2013 we went though hell because of his ex and I spent a lot of time, energy and tears having his back, dedicating every ounce of my strength fighting for him. Like any mother or woman we put our families first and I have been doing that forever. I have now told them that 2014 I'm making this year about me... me becoming the person I envision myself to be and told them both that I need them to have my back. I know he will come around eventually and if he doesn't then it will be his choice to leave or me telling him to leave if it becomes more negative then positive. I am a strong woman but every strong woman wants a stronger man to have her back. I hope he choose the supportive role in all this. I'm only asking that he have my back the way I had his through all his bull****

My SO is the same way.  Spends his time trying to talk me out of surgery -- just like your guy.  I've told him too bad - I'm having the surgery.  Period.  Deal with it.  

It's my health at issue.  I'm not having the surgery so I'll "look pretty" - I'm having it to save my life, and make my life bearable.  My PCP is very supportive, as well as all the doctors I'm seeing (except cardiologist - he's like "eat less" and "if it tastes good, spit it out".  

My SO even tried to make a deal - if I don't have the surgery, he'll stop being a jerk about my daughter (another source of many arguments - but that's another issue).  Told him he wouldn't be able to keep his end of the bargain.  He's one of those guys who thinks he's right about everything - everyone else is wrong.

Our relationship may end over this - but I'm okay with that because in my opinion support should be a two-way street, and if he's not willing to do his share, then I'll stop too.

Good luck to you tomorrow.  Surgery will be successful, and from reading your post I can tell you're a strong woman and you will do GREAT!