Strange head space

This weekend I have found myself wondering.. Have I done enough on my own before I have this operation?
Did I try to lose weight hard enough on my own??

I know all the perks of losing weight, it's all I want. I'm just wondering if this surgrey is what I should be doing? Should I try losing weight via healthy eating and exercise again... Since that is what I am gonna have to do any ways after having the surgery. If I can't do it know what makes me know I'm gonna be able to do it after the surgery. I know the first 6-9 mths I will be forces to because of physical restrictions, but what happens after that? Do I have the ability to keep on track after the healing happens? You hear and read about vets struggling and re gaining alot of weight.
I don't wanna do this surgery lose a bunch, only to re gain everything.
I'm just feel torn, or just unsure of myself.
If this normal?
Anyone else have this thoughts or worries or lack of faith in themselves?

I totally did at first.  When I first decided to do this, and went to orientation, I decided to star****ching what I was eating, in preparation for the surgery.  And the weight started to come off.  Other people, not to mention myself, started wondering if really needed the surgery.  But we've all been here before.  We've dieted, lost weight, and then gained it all back.  We're here because we tried everything else.  In those 6-9 months, we'll be re-training ourselves to eat well, eat better, exercise...every day.  We will get there...and when the time comes when we CAN start gaining the weight back, we will make the right choices.  We will have some bad foods...but in severe moderation.  We will do this, because we all know the alternative, and that's no longer an option.  

So let's kick these negative thoughts to the curb, and kick some ass.  I believe in you, and I believe in myself.  Keep yourself honest and accountable, and you won't have a problem.

Thank you for that... It was much needed

Did you just gain this weight recently?  Have you not been dieting, exercising, trying weight loss methods for years?  

You are in a different spot than anyone else I have met in the program so far.  Pretty much everyone I have met and talked with has struggled for years with weight, eating/food issues, exercise and health problems mainly due to obesity.  I have not met anyone who has not felt defeated by other methods before going the surgery route.  

If you have not tried other methods/diets/etc please do that!  This is not a walk in the park, its serious surgery and a last straw kind of route!  Good luck with your decision!  I say this with hope that you will seek other methods if they haven't been tried, I don't mean to sound all ivory towerish, just concerned that you perhaps haven't exhausted other avenues.  Having your insides rerouted ain't fun nor easy.  It worked wonders for me but after many years of dieting/starving/cleansing/overeating!  The difference is now I have a running start (literally) on the fat with a slimmish able to exercise body and a determined mind to not go back to whence I came.  Will I succeed?  Ask me in ten years, I will then have the benefit of history to lean on.  I'm hoping yes, I have succeeded will be my response!  

 

I appreciate the feedback. I have tired basically every diet out there. 

I am so tired of this weight.. It just a little nawing doubt that is rerouting everything my answer? Did I try or commit enough to the other diets.

I guess it's just a mixture of being scared , the unknown but I really need to buck up and face the truth. I'm 36 in Nov, I'm miserable at this weight, I keep putting life on hold. 

I need to get my head straight and do more research and more personal inventory

First off....I think it's perfectly normal and I imagine most people go through it.

I'm not sure how old you are...but I will be turning 40 in 5 days. My whole life I "tried again" and was really "serious this time".....EVERY time. In Sept 2011 my dad passed away from Cancer. He was a strong and healthy guy who had a sore back...and 2 months later he was gone. It was just me and him....7:30 am ..... I stood next to him an watched the last breath leave his body. Without even realizing....I had lost 30 pounds during the 2 weeks I had been sleeping in his hospital room, and when I got home I swore I was going to lose weight and get healthy because I realized this really IS the only life we get. It didn't work....even with the driving force of my dad's death behind me.

For me the decision is this......I just want to be healthy, happy....and live life. Which I can't say I am really doing now. I don't want to waste anymore time "trying". I want to DO....and since I have not been successful doing it myself.....I am going to use this chance and let the surgeon give me the BOOST I need, to DO it on my own. When you are heavy you are tired, you are in pain, you are not motivated to MOVE. This will help lighten the load so I can go the rest of the way on my own and the restriction will give me time to learn new habits. The older you get, the harder it is to lose the weight on your own, and there comes a time when you have to just say "I am not going to waste anymore TIME, and I am going to do what I have to do so that I can start living the best life I can".....whatever that means for you =)

Good luck, and just try to remember why you came to the decision to have surgery in the first place

Thank you.

I appreciate you sharing.

This forum is certainly a lifeline isn't it.

 

I'm pretty sure every single one of us pre-ops is in the same situation. And to be completely honest with you...I'm probably even moreso. I've got a bit of a backstory, and I apologize in advance for how long this will likely be.

In 2001 I had a Vertical Banded Gastroplasty (VBG). It was an open surgery, and the recovery was much better than I expected. I lived in Nova Scotia at the time, and I had waited a long time to get the surgery; there was one surgeon covering at least three provinces (there still is, from my understanding). I lost 125lbs in a year; I started at 351lbs the day before surgery. There I was, a year later, at 226lbs - and I felt great. That was May 2002. In September 2002, I got pregnant with my youngest son, had a very uneventful pregnancy, a very fast labour and delivery (45 minutes, no kidding), and a healthy baby. 

Within weeks of having my son, I realized something wasn't quite right. I was breastfeeding, and I wasn't eating any differently than I had been all along, plus I was getting MUCH more physical activity in....yet I was gaining weight. I went to my doctor, and asked what was going on. I was told that I'd have to go back and see my surgeon - who I hadn't seen since 1 month post-op. I called my surgeon's office, and was told that I needed a referral BACK to see him, because it had been "more than 6 months" since my last appointment. I asked how long it would take, and was told the referral list was sitting at "3 to 5 years". I was stunned; this was the surgeon who had PERFORMED my surgery! It didn't matter; that's how things worked there.

I tried everything. I ate less. I exercised more. And little by little, the weight came back. We moved to New Brunswick, and at about that time (2005) I started vomiting a few times a week after eating. Little by little, this got worse. I saw new doctors, and was told I "just needed to lose weight". No tests were ever ordered, I was still on the 'waiting list' to go back and see my original surgeon. I tried and tried, and eventually, completely and utterly broken and beaten, I just gave up. I started smoking again, my eating habits were horrible. By early 2006 I was probably throwing up 9 out of 10 things I ate - unless it was junk. I could handle sweets and junk, so I ate them. They were among the only things that I didn't just throw right back up, so it 'made sense'. In late 2008, I reached 330lbs. I was disgusted with myself, and miserable. At about the same time, I developed a really odd habit; I started eating ice. And not a little bit of ice - I'm talking a 2lbs BAG of ice a day. I dropped a ton of weight by early 2009 - I was down to about 260lbs - but I'd done it by literally eating something other than ice once every 2 - 3 days. 

At that time, my marriage completely fell apart. There were a lot of things involved with the breakup, but it ended up with my husband and I splitting, and me going to Toronto, by myself. My mom took our boys while I was there, getting myself together. I went to counselling, I lost more weight. I got down to 250lbs at my "smallest". (Just typing that sounds ridiculous.) But in order to maintain that 250lbs, I was working out 3 times a week, very carefully watching my food intake, and depriving myself of anything that was even remotely close to a "treat". The counselling did a great job on my mental health issues, and my husband and I started talking again in October of 2009 - we ended up getting back together in December, almost a year after we separated. 

We moved back East, and once again, I started gaining weight. I was working two jobs and trying to get my family back together and settled - I "didn't have time" to worry about the weight gain. I started having a weird pressure/uncomfortable pain in my stomach, so back to the doctor I went - and once again I was told that I 'just needed to lose weight'. My thyroid levels were checked, my iron levels were checked, my B12 levels were checked - all were so low that they actually made me go for re-draws because they insisted there was no way I was walking around with levels so low. (In retrospect...it's no wonder I ate ice like I did. At one point, we bought an ice maker, because my ice habit cost more a month than my husband's smoking did, since bagged ice had my preferred texture.) 

By the time 2011 came around, I was back up to 330lbs, and believed more than ever that my 'problem' was that I was a fat, lazy slob. I must be, right? I mean, after all, I managed to 'out eat' a surgery that was meant to help me. I couldn't lose weight, I had no willpower. We moved back to Toronto in February 2012, and I put on another 10lbs by the summer of 2012, when I finally saw a doctor here that ordered some tests to see what was going on with my stomach.

It turns out, the entire line of staples in my stomach is gone. The band, gone. There's some remnants of the fact that I once had surgery, but very little. The first surgeon I saw explained to me that they see many, MANY cases of this, and that it's the most common revision that they do. Most importantly, it was explained that had this been dealt with back in 2004, I probably wouldn't have gained back all of the weight. To say I was shocked is an understatement. 

I know it's a long, winding tale...but I have a point here. I'm terrified. I'm terrified that I'm going to go through a revision that I've already got a higher complication rate and fail. I think about it ALL THE TIME. I think, "What if it doesn't work for me? What if I can't make the changes I need to?" 

And you know what happens then? I give my head a shake. 

I *can* do this. I *can* succeed, and I'm going to. The number one reason I'm going to is because I know more now than I ever did the first time around. I had no support the first time; no post-op appointments, no pre-op appointments, nothing. I didn't have a support system in place. I had a surgery that has something like an 85% fail rate. I didn't know ANYTHING about protein first - I ate whatever I wanted to. I didn't know about vitamins. I didn't have this forum. I got pregnant 16 months out. I wasn't my own advocate - when doctors told me I just needed to lose weight, I internalized that instead of insisting on asking for help. I was young, and uneducated. 

This time....this time, I know so much more. I'm emotionally ready. I know what red flags exist, and what to do when and if I see them. I'm excited to be more active - the first time, I didn't care about that, I just expected the weight to drop off of me. 

We all have worries and fears and 'what ifs'. But we also have a great gift being bestowed upon us, and only part of that is the surgery/tool itself. The other part, that in my opinion is just as important, is the education and knowledge we're given. The support systems we have in place. The pre-op appointments that help us prepare. All of it makes up this amazing opportunity that sets us up to succeed. 

Most of all, we have each other to tell our stories and give advice. We have an amazing group of vets who have been successful and aren't afraid to give us the kick in the ass we need when we make mistakes - and to anyone who thinks that the vets are harsh, I suggest you give your head a shake. Those vets have been here, year in and year out, being supportive and being the backbone of this place. They've gone through it all, and they put up with the same questions year in and year out from people who come, ask what they want to know, and possibly don't even stick around to pay it forward. They're the single best information system we have in place, and they do it for no reason other than to HELP OTHERS; there's no monetary or societal reward for them here. So please - to ALL of us - keep that in mind. They've been successful, and they know what works; take the advice.

I don't think you'd be human if you weren't in this place. I also think that the fact that you're TALKING ABOUT IT means that you know you need some conversation - and that's huge. The willingness to talk about it can make a world of difference. 

(((((HUGE HUGS))))) to you. You're going to do great. :)

((((( hugs )))) 

 

thank you so much for that, I mean it. Thank you.  Alot you said hit home and makes sence to me.

thank you for opening up as sharing, I really appreciate it.

i am trying to make changes. In the past I always ignored my feelings and turn off my thoughts by eating

I'm trying to change that.. Glad I have this forum. It is a blessing , just like alot of the ppl I have meet here. True blessings.