Humbled - Long post

So, I went for my one year (well 14 month really) appointment with the surgeon. I was happy that their scale says 135 too lol (mine has usually been generous by a few pounds). And considering I was fully clothed and had breakfast and lunch in me...still happy.

Anyhow, the surgeon was quite intimidating and concerned about me, so I thought i'd post it on here too.

Apparently i'm too obsessed and worried about re-gain. He told me that my behaviour post-op is abnormal, even going beyond body dysmorphia. When we went over the last year, I told him proudly that I did a triathlon when I was three months out, and joked that I didn't realize it would be hard to do simply because I couldn't get the water in. He sort of lost it on me saying that it was dangerous and very abnormal mentality to do such a thing. Meanwhile I had told the SW and nurse that I was going to do it, and they didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with that.

We talked more about my iron infusions and ferritin level being at 2 and me working out. I usually am at the gym doing spinning and/or weights, and doing hot yoga classes. I'm usually doing one of these activities 5-6 days a week. And, admittedly, it's gotten to the point where I feel guilty if I haven't worked out. But, since getting to goal my weight hasn't fluctuated....up....or down. And i'm afraid that it will go up if I don't workout, since my eating habits are on maintenance.

So, i'm back to seeing the phychiatrist at TWH to go over my issues. Another honest moment here. I hadn't gone back to him because I didn't want to do the homework that he assigned me for my body dysmorphia. And that is to take photos of myself (i'm a photographer....but always behind the camera).....in as little as possible. These are for me only, and i'm allowed to photoshop them. Then I am to compare my photoshopped version to the original. I've been to sad to do it. But now I got my appointment for next month, and i'm going to have it done by then. I just need the courage.

So, that's what's going on.

Thanks for your honesty, Kelly.

I guess you've got some work to do. Hugs, and here's hoping that you get your head in line with where your physical self is at.

 Thank you for posting Kelly, I'm sure those who have similar feelings will appreciate that they are not alone.  It was very couragous of you to tell us about this.  I know you have the strength to do your homework.  This journey is a lifetime, and you have reminded us of that.

Thank you,
Cathy

Thank you ladies. Posting to help myself and others is my goal. I come hear to listen to others and learn. I'm mostly trying to figure out how to love the skin i'm in, and find some sort of serenity.

 Thank you for sharing Kelly....

Do your homework - it will only help you feel better.  Thanks for being vulnerable and showing the rest of us that just because our body gets to where it can - we need to mentally catch up and that can be difficult.  Just because we are a smaller size doesn't mean the work has stopped.

THank you!

An

You have our support and our love.
We can all identify - it is so easy to either beomce compulsive about our body image, or to relax into the defensive uncaring that got us into this mess in the first place.

I think you voiced what a few of us harbour deep inside.
Chin up.
I know the doctor's lecture was hard to listen to - but if you're consciously working on your unhappiness with your body, you're already more than halfway there.

Usually if you have found a love for working out it would be a good thing but since you add how you avoided te homework that was assigned to you perhaps you do have some issues to work out. You are brave to bring this forward and perhaps it will help you.

I certainly have a fear of gaining weight too and talk this out with my psychologist, so talking things through with another is a good thing. IMHO

HUGS and wishing you well.

Hey Kel

It is normal to have some of these kind of issues at this point.
It is great that you are seeing someone about it and can get to the bottom
I really should be seeing someone, but don't know the first thing about finding a therapist and in the back of my mind I think he/she is going to find something I don't want to know LOL. I watch too much TV LOL

Great to come here and share this. For yourself of course to get other people's takes on it, but also for others out there who may be having similar issues and need help dealing with them

The pictures are a great idea, but I can see how that will be scary for you
You have done so well, maybe those pictures will be of help once you do them
Always here for you
Take care

Thank you for sharing all of this with us. It so great that you have the courage. We are all here for you.

Hi Kelly

I'm just starting maintenance, and I'm finding this "eat more" business hard to get my head around.  All my life I've tried to eat less.  FINALLY, I work out an eating plan that I'm OK with, and I actually loose weight.  Now, I have to eat more - and more of the stuff I'm terrified of - fats and carbs.  It's not easy that's for sure.

I find I rebel when the "professionals" make suggestions; but, I also find that their recommendations stick with me and once I get over the No /No /No initial response, I'm prepared to give it a try.  I'm gradually adapting.  I really hope they can help, because as we all know - loosing the weight is ALMOST the easy part.

Good luck, and thank you for putting this up.  Makes me feel a little better.  Same issue - just a different aspect.

Claire