2 year surgiversary - bit of a novella.
Hey all!
I decided to post for my 2 year surgery anniversary, which was yesterday. I know many of you don't know me as I'm mostly just a lurker nowadays but I know some of you will. I enjoy reading the posts of the newbies as I love the excitement that you are all experiencing right now, and I love reading the post of those who are further out then me as I can relate to the struggles and successes.
Number 1 question I get asked when people find out that I had weight loss surgery, I will address it now. Do I have any regrets? NO, I do not. Has it been easy? NO it hasn't....but still, no regrets. Without getting into it here, I haven't had an easy life. I'm a cancer survivor and a sexual assault survivor. I was a teen mom and wife. All 3 of my children have mental and physical disabilities, I've had one taken away from me. I I could go on and on...but lets just say...life has been and still can be hell from day to day (although I'm optimistic and try to live to the fullest). Food has always, as long as I can remember, been my emotional crutch. It was my therapy - I eat...and eat...and eat. It's not so much junk food that was my problem, it was lack of portion control as well as the overwhelming need to eat all the time.
Unfortunatly, I was obese and the health concerns were mounting. I was on meds for hypertension, cholesterol, anxiety and depression. I was suffering acute chest pain which scared the hell out of me. Everything was an enourmous effort - work, sleep, exercise, cleaning, sex, dancing, walking - I just couldn't stand it. I had tried all the "normal" diets out there, Herbal magic, damn near starvation, I seen a dietician for 2 years. Nothing was working for more then a couple of months...I feared early death and leaving my husband and kids alone. I am the caregiver to my family - my husband has a crippling disease and as I said, my kids all have issues - I knew they couldn't afford to be without me....and just trying to work in my job as a Personal Support Worker felt like it was killing me.
Let's fastforward now. I'm not going to go into details about my application process, waiting game, testing etc etc. If anyone has any personal or specific questions though, I consider myself an open book, so please don't be shy about PM'ing me to ask.
Anyways...I have went from a BMI of 46 (at my highest...I'm only 5'1 - I was the "short, fat girl"), to 43 prior to surgery. I have maintained a BMI of 26.5-26.9 for the past 15 months. I am comfortable with my new weight.
I'll be honest. Would I like to lose another 10 or 20 pounds? YES. Do I think that I can do it? NO. I feel comfortable. I like food to much. My big goal is to maintain long term, and I still work my ass off to maintain on a daily basis. If one week I see that I have gained a few pounds, I kick my ass into gear the next week to make sure that I'm back down for next weigh in. I've came too far to let food win!!!! I still love food....I can eat way more then what I should. It's so much about self control after the first 12-18 months....but, I have learned how to eat better, I have a tool and I know how to work it.
Do I still feel alone in this journey - yes, even though I'm not. Do I still want to say screw it sometimes, and shovel mounds of horrid food into my mouth - yes, even though I won't allow myself to self-sabatage. Do I still cry and feel like I'm still adjusting 2 years later - yes.
So much has improved though. I remember my first exciting NSV was being able to sit in the backseat of a car (beside a car seat) and have the door be able to shut comfortably, and I could do up my seat belt easily. Before, being obese, I literally would have to squish in, sit sideways almost...and then my husband or someone would have to slam the door to fit me in, which hurt my hip like a son of a dog. I was so excited just to fit nicely somewhere.
Now to briefly outline the good and the bad 2 years later...
THE GOOD!
- I'm off my cholesterol and blood pressure meds, and I am so much healthier
- I can exercise, and in fact, I enjoy exercising
- I love being outside - walking, playing with my son...just being out and about doing things.
- Having sex and being intimate is so much easier, and I have so much more energy for it.
- I've learned healthy eating habits, and can put them into place.
- I'm an avid label reader, and pride myself on my abillity to do so.
- I went back to school and got my Pre Health certificate. I've now applied for the nursing program, and hope to find out if I'm accepted for September entry in the next month or so.
- Overall, I feel so much better and happier with life although I know I still have many issues to conquer.
THE NOT SO GOOD!
- LOOSE SKIN, lol. I have a tonne of it. I look awful naked. My tummy sags something horrible, I have no belly button, my inner thighs look awful, my girlie bits sag and it looks nothing like what it's supposed to down there, and my boobs are all but non existent without a good bra anymore. I'm not in a financial position in my family to afford any plastics, but oh how I wish that I could get a bit of work done.
- Back/neck/shoulder/tailbone pain. I'm in more pain day to day now then before surgery. The doctors can't figure out why...but I experience so much pain now it's terrible. I still feel better and healthier...but I wish the pain was diagnosable, and wish I knew if it was related to my weight loss.
- B12 deficiency....I am supposed to get bi-weekly B12 injections, which make me feel so much better. Unfortunately, I now have to commute to my GP which isn't always possible...I feel lousy without my B12. I've tried sub lings and they seem to do nothing for my labs.
- Emotionally I can still be a bit of a wreck, and it isn't as easy to turn to food to support me anymore. Everyday is still a struggle 2 years out to make good decisions....but I'm still consciously doing it - which I am proud about.
Anyways, I'll shut up now. If nothing else, I hope my post helps to inspire someone and let them know that if I can do it, they can too!!
If anyone can help me figure out how to post photos here on OH, I will post a follow up thread with some before/after pics of me which will really help to visually do the talking. I am even shocked to look at my own pics...helps to remind me of how far that I have come.
Thanks all - hope I haven't put anyone to sleep
I decided to post for my 2 year surgery anniversary, which was yesterday. I know many of you don't know me as I'm mostly just a lurker nowadays but I know some of you will. I enjoy reading the posts of the newbies as I love the excitement that you are all experiencing right now, and I love reading the post of those who are further out then me as I can relate to the struggles and successes.
Number 1 question I get asked when people find out that I had weight loss surgery, I will address it now. Do I have any regrets? NO, I do not. Has it been easy? NO it hasn't....but still, no regrets. Without getting into it here, I haven't had an easy life. I'm a cancer survivor and a sexual assault survivor. I was a teen mom and wife. All 3 of my children have mental and physical disabilities, I've had one taken away from me. I I could go on and on...but lets just say...life has been and still can be hell from day to day (although I'm optimistic and try to live to the fullest). Food has always, as long as I can remember, been my emotional crutch. It was my therapy - I eat...and eat...and eat. It's not so much junk food that was my problem, it was lack of portion control as well as the overwhelming need to eat all the time.
Unfortunatly, I was obese and the health concerns were mounting. I was on meds for hypertension, cholesterol, anxiety and depression. I was suffering acute chest pain which scared the hell out of me. Everything was an enourmous effort - work, sleep, exercise, cleaning, sex, dancing, walking - I just couldn't stand it. I had tried all the "normal" diets out there, Herbal magic, damn near starvation, I seen a dietician for 2 years. Nothing was working for more then a couple of months...I feared early death and leaving my husband and kids alone. I am the caregiver to my family - my husband has a crippling disease and as I said, my kids all have issues - I knew they couldn't afford to be without me....and just trying to work in my job as a Personal Support Worker felt like it was killing me.
Let's fastforward now. I'm not going to go into details about my application process, waiting game, testing etc etc. If anyone has any personal or specific questions though, I consider myself an open book, so please don't be shy about PM'ing me to ask.
Anyways...I have went from a BMI of 46 (at my highest...I'm only 5'1 - I was the "short, fat girl"), to 43 prior to surgery. I have maintained a BMI of 26.5-26.9 for the past 15 months. I am comfortable with my new weight.
I'll be honest. Would I like to lose another 10 or 20 pounds? YES. Do I think that I can do it? NO. I feel comfortable. I like food to much. My big goal is to maintain long term, and I still work my ass off to maintain on a daily basis. If one week I see that I have gained a few pounds, I kick my ass into gear the next week to make sure that I'm back down for next weigh in. I've came too far to let food win!!!! I still love food....I can eat way more then what I should. It's so much about self control after the first 12-18 months....but, I have learned how to eat better, I have a tool and I know how to work it.
Do I still feel alone in this journey - yes, even though I'm not. Do I still want to say screw it sometimes, and shovel mounds of horrid food into my mouth - yes, even though I won't allow myself to self-sabatage. Do I still cry and feel like I'm still adjusting 2 years later - yes.
So much has improved though. I remember my first exciting NSV was being able to sit in the backseat of a car (beside a car seat) and have the door be able to shut comfortably, and I could do up my seat belt easily. Before, being obese, I literally would have to squish in, sit sideways almost...and then my husband or someone would have to slam the door to fit me in, which hurt my hip like a son of a dog. I was so excited just to fit nicely somewhere.
Now to briefly outline the good and the bad 2 years later...
THE GOOD!
- I'm off my cholesterol and blood pressure meds, and I am so much healthier
- I can exercise, and in fact, I enjoy exercising
- I love being outside - walking, playing with my son...just being out and about doing things.
- Having sex and being intimate is so much easier, and I have so much more energy for it.
- I've learned healthy eating habits, and can put them into place.
- I'm an avid label reader, and pride myself on my abillity to do so.
- I went back to school and got my Pre Health certificate. I've now applied for the nursing program, and hope to find out if I'm accepted for September entry in the next month or so.
- Overall, I feel so much better and happier with life although I know I still have many issues to conquer.
THE NOT SO GOOD!
- LOOSE SKIN, lol. I have a tonne of it. I look awful naked. My tummy sags something horrible, I have no belly button, my inner thighs look awful, my girlie bits sag and it looks nothing like what it's supposed to down there, and my boobs are all but non existent without a good bra anymore. I'm not in a financial position in my family to afford any plastics, but oh how I wish that I could get a bit of work done.
- Back/neck/shoulder/tailbone pain. I'm in more pain day to day now then before surgery. The doctors can't figure out why...but I experience so much pain now it's terrible. I still feel better and healthier...but I wish the pain was diagnosable, and wish I knew if it was related to my weight loss.
- B12 deficiency....I am supposed to get bi-weekly B12 injections, which make me feel so much better. Unfortunately, I now have to commute to my GP which isn't always possible...I feel lousy without my B12. I've tried sub lings and they seem to do nothing for my labs.
- Emotionally I can still be a bit of a wreck, and it isn't as easy to turn to food to support me anymore. Everyday is still a struggle 2 years out to make good decisions....but I'm still consciously doing it - which I am proud about.
Anyways, I'll shut up now. If nothing else, I hope my post helps to inspire someone and let them know that if I can do it, they can too!!
If anyone can help me figure out how to post photos here on OH, I will post a follow up thread with some before/after pics of me which will really help to visually do the talking. I am even shocked to look at my own pics...helps to remind me of how far that I have come.
Thanks all - hope I haven't put anyone to sleep
Liz .......... www.facebook.com/johnstoy
GP appointment for referral: July 8, 2009
Consult with nurse/NUT November 4th, 2009
7 week NUT preop check December 22, 2009
Meet the surgeon & schedule surgery January 19th, 2010
PATS January 28th, 29th, 2010
SURGERY!!!!!! February 9, 2010
Hernia Repair(s) May 22, 2010
Thanks to Kitty_White for being my wonderful 
and friend!
Hi Liz, good to hear from you.
What a great post as to the truth of how things go after a couple years. I can so relate to so many things you do and feel. Our situations may have some differences but basically the same in that using our tool is a constant thought.
If people thought WLS woud get food out of their thoughts they would be wrong. We constantly have to think about what is good for us and what isn`t.
And it is hard work. Sometimes I still want to be lazy but at least with all the weight loss I can convince myself to get out there because it doesn`t hurt anymore, I don`t get winded, I just can`t afford to be lazy and have to try to get 10 pounds off again and again.
I lurk quite often too, respond when something catches my eye and sometimes share where I`m at. It`s okay I think, it`s like a friend who we don`t see all the time, we catch up and are glad to see them when we do.
HUGS and good to see you
Liz
What a great post as to the truth of how things go after a couple years. I can so relate to so many things you do and feel. Our situations may have some differences but basically the same in that using our tool is a constant thought.
If people thought WLS woud get food out of their thoughts they would be wrong. We constantly have to think about what is good for us and what isn`t.
And it is hard work. Sometimes I still want to be lazy but at least with all the weight loss I can convince myself to get out there because it doesn`t hurt anymore, I don`t get winded, I just can`t afford to be lazy and have to try to get 10 pounds off again and again.
I lurk quite often too, respond when something catches my eye and sometimes share where I`m at. It`s okay I think, it`s like a friend who we don`t see all the time, we catch up and are glad to see them when we do.
HUGS and good to see you
Liz
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