Relationships after WLS.. long..

A fellow WLS patient just uploaded a video about her experiences with relationships post weight loss. I thought it was a great topic and thought I would share my own views since they were quite different from hers. Which is not surprising since I know that everyone has different experiences!  
First... Friendships. Most of my friends have been nothing but supportive and nice (although I'm sure they may get sick of me talking about it and who knows what they say when I'm not around lol)  I do try not to talk about it too much with certain people because i don't want them to feel uncomfortable but it is hard when its such a huge part of my life and im so excited about it!   I know for myself that some of my friendships have dwindled over the past few months. I do understand that friendships can change after WLS especially if those friendships revolve around food.  I have seen that there can be some jealousy when someone loses a lot of weight.. Others can feel left behind.  I know this because i have been on both sides of it.  I feel that if you do lose friends through this process, maybe some of those friendships would've ended anyway.  Not just because of weight loss.   And then there are the people who I hardly ever used to talk to who are super friendly to me now... Part of me want to ask them why they all of a sudden have such an interest in me when a year ago they wouldn't have even given me the time of day. Then there are the friends who say things.. Intentionally or not... That hurt.  Asking why I just didn't go to the gym more or eat less. Why I was taking the easy way out when there are others that they know who lost 100 pounds on Jenny Craig etc. Those people don't understand that obesity is a disease. I'm not just lazy and I didn't just eat junk food all day everyday. Yes I made poor choices but there was so much more to it.  And if you think the having Gastric Bypass is the easy way out, you are VERY mistaken! Last but not least there are the friends that I have made BECAUSE of WLS.  Some that I have had the privilege to meet in person and some that I only know online but I consider them part of my family.  I am so lucky to have such a wonderful support system. I cherish each and everyone of my friends!
As for family... For the most part my family has been very supportive. I know when my sister lost all of her weight I was VERY jealous of her. I thought she was changing and leaving me behind  we didn't have things in common anymore and i resented her.  It wasn't until  I myself was losing the weight that i finally understood what she went through.  I have had weight issues with some family members my whole life and I know that there are some that didn't believe that I could do it or thought I would fail or think that i will regain it all back.  I am only 7 months out but I intend to prove them wrong.  Family is family no matter what and I believe I have become a lot closer with mine through this.
Now when it comes to sexual relationships, My husband and I were together for almost 3 years before I had surgery. We got married when my weight was at my highest. I know he loves me no matter what I look like. I also know that he loves the fact that I have more "stamina" now lol  Even though I am still very self conscience about my skin and I think he is too. I feel almost more self conscience now then when i was bigger.  At least then I filled out my skin and had big breasts.  Now that I am getting smaller I have sooo much skin. It's gross. I hide it with spanx and padded bras but when it's just my husband and I at home... It's not that easy. I constantly feel that I am unattractive. It's a hard transition full of emotions and stress. And I know how hard its been for him too.. Watching me get sick and going to the doctors with me.  Feeling guilty for eating things in front of me when he shouldn't because he didn't choose this, I did. I have seen and heard of many relationships ending after WLS.   I believe that if you didn't have a strong relationship before.. Having surgery will not fix it.  I am VERY thankful to have such a supportive husband! 
Only keep those in your life that want to be there. The rest aren't worth your time!

Hi there

Awesome post. I can relate to some of it. I'm sure we all can in some way.
It is true about marriages . I have read that if a marriage is strong to begin with then it will survive this.
My marriage should never have happened, and once I lost weight I got more self esteem and confidence and realized I could do better.

You are doing great
Keep up the good work

thank you for posting this Dollface :)    I am still pre-op but  after having a talk with my husband we feel that we are starting to question some of our friendships. It's not easy concidering we don't have that many friends in the first place but know  thats it's going to end sooner or laster.

Like you my husband is the best...He is 100% behind anything I decide to do.  It's amazing how one person can be that big of a blessing. :)

Very thoughtful post.

I know my wife has wrestled with some of the same body image issues after losing 135 lbs post-op. I loved her with all my heart at 285lbs and I love her with all my heart at 150 lbs, no more, no less. The true gifts she blesses me with are found deep within, the outside is just the wrapping. I am sure your husband feels the same way about you. 

Best of luck on your journey.

Where is the Like button for Chammer's post ?

Great post Amy!

 Very touching post.
I have not experienced any difference with my family or friends.  I am lucky so far.  
My kids have been wonderful, they actually say that they don't remember me big (only 8 months out).  
When people say to my husband HOLY SMOKES Charmaine looks so different, he say that I just look like me that I guess he sees me everyday and this is the new normal.  
I am with you Dollface with the skin.  Spanks and anything that holds this stuff in are my new best friends.

Char

Thanks for sharing....it's good to get these thoughts out of your head as it allows us to feel not so alone on this weight loss journey.
Keep up the amazing work and surround yourself with love.  

Aside from the weight loss and physically feeling better I have met so many great people in my journey to this new life. With my job (Regioanl Manager) I didnt have a social group near me, Since this journey began I have developed new and great friends, my hubby and I actually have a social life! And it does not revolve around food!  Our relationship is changing but it is getting stronger. We have been together for 23yrs

Only keep those in your life that want to be there. The rest aren't worth your time! 
Ain't that the truth!

I was dating someone when I had surgery... at first he talked the talk about supporting me.  But when the weight came off.. then stalled, that changed.  He was becoming less attracted to me and was scared I'd get too skinny.  That's not the main reason it didn't work, but one example that it had an impact on our relationship.
Friendship wise.. that is still a journey for me but my desire to be active opens to doors to meeting new workout buddies.

Kudos for a good post!