A few of my LEAST favorite things. (long)

So here I am, tomorrow I will be 3 months post surgery.  I am down 65 pounds, but I have been sitting at that for about two weeks now... I think I have hit a bit of a stall... and I know it happens.. but its always frustrating.

I read every book, blog, pamphle****ched every educational video I could find... I tried to mentally prepare myself for this life change.. and I was ready... everyone including the doctors and dietitians said I was too.  But until you are actually going through this.. you have NO IDEA how hard it is. 


Ive had a few people ask me if I regret having the surgery.  I usually tell them to ask me in three more months... because right now I don't really know.  I do love the weight loss, and the better mobility already.. but there are just SO many things that are happening to me right now that make me want to cry.

I know I have talked about this before but its such a big deal right now... I have always had really thick hair, except for at the front.. (a bit of a receding hairline!)  I have always been able to hid it with my bangs, but this past month I have lost SO much hair that its really getting hard to hide it and its really freaking me out.  Ive never really thought much about my appearance.. but I always loved my hair... and now its going away... It has made me cry on more than one occasion when I'm brushing or washing my hair and it is coming out in clumps.

My family and I were visiting my mom and dad on the long weekend, and I was fine for the most part.. there was always something I could eat... but when we would take the kids for ice cream, or stop at the chip truck... I miss being included... Not so much missing the food.. I just miss being part of it.  And it makes me resentful.. and I know its not fair to my family because this was MY choice.  I also missed sitting around the fire having drinks with my husband.  I cant wait for winter to get here so I don't miss social drinking so much.

Vitamins. I knew going into this that I would have to take vitamins for life. What I didn't know was how gross they would be and how hard it was going to be to remember to take them all!  Ive even set reminders on my phone so I don't forget .. but somehow I manage to miss at least two almost every day.  And boy do I ever miss Advil... I'm sure there are ladies who can sympathize with me lol... Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and die!

Protein is another one of those things that keeps getting away from me. No matter how much I try to have.. its never enough.  I bought some different types of protein bars, hoping to boost it a bit.

Ive been getting sick lately too.  I know its my own fault... I cant seem to eat slow enough or chew well enough or take small enough bites.  My family has always been fast eaters.. that's a 30 year habit that's hard to break.  I really don't like throwing up at work though.. I get so embarrassed that I almost don't want to eat there... but that's what got me into this mess in the first place.

I'm sorry for being such a downer... its just been a hard few weeks.  Everyone tells me things will get easier, and I'm sure they will.

And I don't want anyone to be discouraged by reading this.. especially if you are going through this journey too.. but I promised that I would be honest and I think its best to know the good and the bad.. its not all sunshine and rainbows over here!

That being said.. the past few days I have really been focusing on my vitamins, water and protein.. trying not to get distracted.. it really is a full time job!  I go to HRRH on Friday for my 3 month check up... hopefully the dietician will have some words of wisdom for me!


One day at a time.

Oh honey, I'm sorry it's tough on you right now.

This is absolutely typical, you are exactly where I was at three months.
It will get better - trust me, it really will.

You're going to start measuring your "I-didn't-upchuck-today" episodes in weeks rather than hours really soon.
And that will make a real difference.

Also eating slower will become a habit, just like inhaling your food previously was a habit as well.
And remembering your vitamins will become second nature (just like in the old days when we had to remember The Pill every day... )

As you start to drop clothing sizes rapidly and people tell you you look amazing, life will take on a whole rosy glow it hasn't had in years. And your hair will grow back.

Remember - this is all about your longterm health, not your short-term looks. Keep telling yourself that again and again.

Thanks for sharing, I want the good bad and the ugly. I hope things look up for you shortly.

Awww... sounds like a big case of "buyers remorse" to me.  Honestly, I remember feeling all of the things you mentioned at one time or another.  Whoever said that weight loss surgery was the "easy way out" was full of ****  It's hard work, physically, behaviourally and emotionally.

I've had a couple of cries over lost hair, felt pissy once or twice about not being able to partake in certain foods (for those of you who have been around a while, lest we not forget my rant about the ice cream bar cake a couple of summers ago. LOL!), and grew upset and frustrated with the vomitting.  I think we all go through periods like this. 

Please take heart and know that it WILL GET BETTER, I promise.  Your hair will grow back, you will eventually learn to eat slower to avoid up-chucking, and believe it or not, you'll still be able to partake in the activities you mentioned, enjoying the company and not focusing on the food.

One day at a time - very good advice you gave yourself.  Remember, it's not a sprint, it's a marathon.  You hang in there.

I think this lack of food is making me super emotional.. cuz here I go crying again lol... thank you everyone for the kind words

Not to mention your hormones are likely outta whack too.  They get released from fat stores, so your rapid weightloss is likely creating a free-for-all hormonally.

Not to mention those who may have taken certain recreational chemicals in their misguided youths, which were metabolized in fat and get released as the fat is burned...found out about that the hard way...YIKES!

But honestly.  If you continue to take your supplements regularly and make sure you get the proper amount of protein, your hair loss will slow and eventually you'll regrow what is lost.  Keeping in mind that you are also losing "real estate" on your scalp!

It's a tough change in lifestyle and I find that the Ontario programs don't adequately assist the emotional and mental aspect.  You need to allow yourself to properly grieve the things you can't do any further and come to terms with the changes.  If you need help with this, you can get counselling or therapy to assist (although you may have to pay for sessions - but see if you can get the support through your clinic)...

It's tough when you're going through the short term pains, but you always need to keep your eye on the prize and realize the gift you are giving yourself...

 I am three months out too and feeling all the same feelings. I dont have any hair loss yet...I have it cut pretty short so I might not be noticing as much yet, or hasnt started yet. I too am not regretting anything just feeling frustrated finding food, planning my food, not being able to enjoy things my family can...Vitamins have not been too bad, only forgotten twice in the last three weeks and for me who hates taking medication that is a pretty good record...lol. All this and moving to another province, away from all my family and his family is all 2 hours away. Thanks for posting and letting me know that I am not alone. I feel a wee bit better already!

 Dollface, I cry all the time right now too, like I said moving, hormones, PMS (really bad for me lately) I am taking orders to buy stock in Kleenex...wanna join me?..lol

I totally went through everything you are describing, I actually cried over not being able to eat stove top stuffing, I know totally crazy right !
The eating does get better once you find your groove and what works for you. 
I also hated loosing my hair, it made me feel like a freak and less of a woman, but my husband always said he loved me no matter what I looked like, and yes I know this should have made me feel better, but really it didn't. 
 I hope that you know most of us have all been there and the fact that you ARE being REAL about your feelings and not hiding is a great thing. You are on a great path to a great goal. One that you decided for your self.

I wish you nothing but the best, and I hope that you feel better and start to see the wonderful changes you are making.