over 2 years out and feeling defeated

Hi Shari,

I have not been on OH for what seems like a million years.  I very recently started going through postings, etc. to try to get a feel of community again.  When I came across your post I had to respond because I feel we are in the EXACT same position! 

I had surgery back in March, 2009 as well (March 4th), have also lost 120 lbs, and I've also been struggling with the same 10lbs for about a year.  I feel like I've been at some permanent stall and its making me feel frustrated and kind of hopeless in a way.  I definitely know my eating habits are not helping the process of losing and I've fallen off the wagon and have realized I've picked up some of those old routines/habits again that took me a long time to get over (*ahem* sugar, carbs, liquids during meals...I know, I know...I've already smacked myself on the hand for it).  Its so easy to fall backwards and so hard to become strict and get back on the horse.  My self esteem has also taken a hit and I still see the same old 'fat' girl staring at me in the mirror.  It sucks.  I feel like I was so strong for so long and because of the never ending stall I feel like I've given up a little bit. 

BUT in the last week or so I've been finding more motivation and drive to get back on track.  Its never too late to start again and re-gain those good habits that helped us lose so much weight in the beginning.  Our pouch is still a tool and its still there!  I find going through the forums and reading postings have given me more drive to follow the rules and chart my food intake, etc.,  as well as checking out WLS'ers on youtube and checking out some new recipes to try (definitely look at eggface's blog if you haven't already...she is one amazing chick! www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com)  Also www.sparkpeople.com is an awesome website for calorie tracking, etc. - AND they have an app for iphones if you happen to have one.  I have it on my phone so I will never have an excuse not to track.

I've got a long road ahead of me as well (I need to lose another 60lbs to get to goal) - but just know that you aren't alone!  Bumps in the road happen (sometimes the bumps take awhile to get over lol) - but we are strong people (hey, if we weren't we wouldn't have survived those first few months after surgery not to mention the whole liquid diet before!!) and can get back on track and lose the rest of the weight! 

I also definitely agree with the suggestions for a support group (something I think I should think about as well!) - being around people who have been there and can listen is always a plus!

I also have to thank you for posting this thread.  It takes a lot of courage to admit feeling a little defeated - but it has helped me feel I'm not alone in this as well!  We can do it girl - have faith!  We haven't lost the strength it took us to go from our lifetime of bad eating habits to the WLS way of life - so it shoudln't be as hard to get back on track after a shorter period of time!

Take Care,
~Michelle

Wow to everyone *****sponded.  I joined this site in 03' when I was Banded.  I didn't know how to navigate this site, so I went to another sponsored site that was referred to me by another 'Bandster'.  All they did was bash people --- and I mean BASH people... if anyone said anything negative about the Band, or having complications or issues, it was horrible.  When I went to my SW appointment when I was going through the process of trying to get a revision, she suggested this site again.  I kinda rolled my eyes, then a few weeks later, decided to read some posts on this board (I cannot speak for other boards, because I only read this one), and I was so happy.  Finally a place where people can be honest, receive honesty in return, and not feel like a douchbag.  It is so comforting to know, when things are down and not going the way you ever thought they would, that one can find solace and support on the Internet!  Of all places, where 'KeyBoard Cowboys' roam freely.

As someone who 'failed WLS', please believe me .... you are not a failure, you are amazing and you have done really, really well.  I know it is so hard to see all the positives when the negatives are piling up in front of you, but try this:  Don't just journal what food you are eating, journal the feelings and the events surrounding the eating, as well as the times when you feel down about yourself.  Try finding a pattern.

There is a really good Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Book for Weight Management by Dr. Valerie Taylor and Dr. Michele Laliberte, both specialize in Eating Disorders and Mood Disorders surrounding this.  Also look up Set Point Theory.  It basically states that your body should be a certain weight, and no matter what we do to try and change it, your body will always try to go back to that weight.  I am not saying you should be 300lbs, but not everyone is lucky to lose all their 'excess weight'.  It would really go hand in hand with some one-on-one counseling from either a nutritionist, dietitian, or someone referred from your family GP.

Please keep coming back.....I think you will only gain strength from being here. 

Just my 2 cents.

hi, congratulations on your success,and I understand your concerns too. In addition to all the great advice you've been given, try a tracking tool-fitday.com or daily plate. I find it an eye opener and a big reality check when I track what I actually eat. Also Barix.com has newsletters(great info), a link to a dietician (I usually get a response within 24 hrs), tools to track and even a refresher program (if you want to fork over some cash). I think the key is to stay focused on what you have acheived-120lbs gone and how that has changed your life. Going up/down 10lbs is what 'normal' people do all the time, and staying focused on the positive will help your self esteem and help motivate you to keep the 120lbs off and get the extra 20 off. The head stuff is tough no doubt the hardest part of the journey, and it reared it's head for me at about two years out when the weightloss stabilized. Hang in there, there is lots of support here and at support groups.

There are all kinds of support groups in Ottawa to attend.

There are at least 4.

One meets the first Tues of the month open to anybody, another meets the 3rd Tues of the month if you are over the 18 month post op surgery date.

There is also one generally the last Sun of the month also open to anybody.

And the final one is generally the 3rd Mon of the month.  If you read my signature block, the Mon coffee nights are generally listed for a couple of months at a time and is also open to anybody.

The other organizers for the other meetings will pop in when they have a chance to give you the details of timings and locations.

Hope to see you at one of our active support groups.

Take care

WOW, i too know exactly how you are feeling. I had surgery in March 09 and been battlin the last 27lbs too. Up down the last 10 lbs in 6 mos. It is frustrating, but I want to work at it harder too. I know I can do it. And dont ever want to be where i was again!!!!!!
Brenda