over 2 years out and feeling defeated

Hello All,

I dont post much on here but I am over 2 years out I had my RNY on March 30 2009. I have been struggling to lose for over a year now. I play with 10lbs all the time. I lose it, than I gain it than lose it again and gain it back. I am so worried and fear that one day, I may get back to the same size of not even bigger. I do not over eat but sometimes the kind of food I eat is not good. I feel scared and alone. I have lost 120lbs to date and I am proud of my results. I however still want to lose 20lbs. I also do not want to go back to my old ways. I never went back to the clinic for any post surgery follow ups as I was followed at a weight managment clinic in Ottawa by a Dr. I have not been to a nutritionist etc... I dont know what, how much or how I should be eating at this point and am frustrated, scared and annoyed with myself. I look in the miror now and see this still chubby girl who I thought I wouldnt be at this point. My self esteem has gone down and I feel like I am trying to crawl out of a hole I dug so deep. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can get past this resources I can take advantage of? Anything at this point would help. I dont want to give up and also am thinking of having kids soon and this scares me even more that I can gain back weight or have an unhealthy pregnancy. Any hel******iously appreciated.

Thanks,
Shari

self acceptance and an appreciaiton for the 120lbs that you initially lost... a gain or fluctuaiton of 10lbs is nothing...especially if you are keeping an eye on it..

I lost 114lbs...probably 20lbs below my target goal...but seriously I would rather be there than be a person who lost that additional 20-25 and then gain it back..for me this fluctuaiton mine is about 6-8lbs keeps me in check.

.I still check my scale on a monthly basis and abide by most of the RNY rules.

I don't drink before or after my meals
I stay away form the bread baskets at resturaunts
when my pouch tells me it's full..it's full
I keep an very dilgent eye on sugars reading everything still read labels
make sure that I get the necessary proteins in each day
watch my carbs


(try not to stray too far)..meaning that if I overindulge in potato chips...I slap my hand and say REMEMBER what you used to weigh.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I don't know that I can say anything that would help as I have not gone through the process yet. But what I hear you saying is that you keep a close eye on the scale and clamp down when it varies too much, I think that is great! About the bad food choices, just think of all you have gone thru to get this tool, make wiser choices and you will probably be less critical of yourself. Can you make an appointment with a nutitionist there? Can you do a protein shake for a meal replacement? I'm sure you will get some advice from VETs on here. I don't know what your scales are saying but maybe you are at a good weight?
I wish you the best.
Brenda

Welcome back to the site and congrats on your weight loss.

I think the key to helping yourself at this point is to take an honest look at what and how much you're eating each day. Start tracking your foods for a week on a site like fitday.com or myfitnesspal.com to get a factual printout of your daily intake. This will show you how much protein, carbs and fat you're injesting, making it easier to make some adjustments if necessary in your eating plan.

One thing that I do is to plan what I'm going to eat each day and stick to it. This keeps me organized, honest, and mindful of what I'm putting into my mouth. I post daily on the "what are you eating/doing today" thread and find that very helpful. It's also helpful to see what others are eating, and in what amounts, who are at a similar stage to me. Not to mention, I get great WLS friendly recipe ideas from others too!

Ocassionally I find myself eating too many simple carbs (my downfall) and will do a sort of "carb-cleanse" for a few days to get them out of my system and to help me stop craving them (i.e. breads, pasta, chips, etc.). This has worked really well for me.

Your intake should follow the 40/30/30 rule - 40 % protein, 30% carbs, 30% fats. In my active losing phase (and when I want to take off a couple of pounds) I really increased my dense protein intake (at least 80g per day) and reduced the number of carbs I'm injesting to no more than 30g per day.

Just a few ideas for you - hope to see you on the "what are you eating" thread - maybe I (and others) could give you some daily pointers if you like.

Best,
Karen

Sounds to me that it might be helpful to find a counselor.  I know that in Thunder Bay the Bariatric assessment centre is now taking on pople who have had the surgery state side or years ago to assist in offering services such as nutricianists, kenisioligist, psychologist and social worker all on staff.  I would look into the centre closest to you and inquire about meeting with them to discuss it. Or possibly seek out a counsellor in your city who has experiences with body dismophia or self esteem issues.  I wish you luck but I belive you are already on the right track because you reached out on here.  Take the next step and reach out in your community to find comfort and some help navigating, it will make the waters seem a bit less rocky and the path easier to follow. Good luck!

Robin

Hi Shari

The two year out mark is a very significant mark in our journeys. This is the changing point for many of us.  We lose focus, can become unmotivated, give in to our triggers and find that we are battling our food demons once again.

As well often at this time, that's where our 15% regain comes into play. 

You are not alone in the struggle. Many of us were exactly where you were at this point.

This is a good time to reach out to those in your local support group.  Time to get on a plan of back to basics by reviewing your standards given to you by your surgeon and see what you need to do a better job on.  It's time to look at that personal accountability piece. It may be time to reach out for counselling of some sort, overeaters anonymous, etc.  

Try as well not to give in to  your negative thinking. No beating yourself up. You are normal and your bounceback is completely normal. You need to give yourself some grace (we've all been there though hun and this psychological aspect is what most of us struggle with). 

Please feel free to drop me a line anytime.

Dawn

Thank you all for your replies. I know I can not do this on my own and I know there is support right here in Ottawa for me. All of you on here are amazing. I will look into meeting times and counseling. I am proud of what i have done but dont want to go backwards from here.

 

While you are doing the things like journalling your food, etc., get yourself to a doctor and get a full set of labs ordered. You need to address your physical health beyond the extra couple of pounds.

There's a support group in Ottawa that meets once a month, but we just met last night.There is also a group for people who are 14 months + post op. Terry facilitates both, so if you search for Ottawa Support Group, you'll find some info.

Everybody who's responded has done a great job of pointing out the ACTIVE things you can do to make this start to happen for you again, instead of LETTING it happen TO you.
-Journalling
-Lab workup for physical current status
-Support groups
-Recognizing triggers
-Cleansing out the carbs
-Acknowledging the 2-year trap
-Loving yourself and truly appreciating your accomplishment.

But I'm going to add one more thing.
In your initial post, you sounded depressed. Not just mildly depressed - truly in a depression.
IMO, you need to add a mental workup to the physical one.

There are excellent reasons why the clinics send us to nutritionists and psychologists before we undergo this life-changing adventure. Realizing that you need help is step no. 1 - and you've taken it.
Kudos.

Now get yourself to your doctor and take the next steps. Add a nutritionist and a psychologist to the team helping you. 
You can do this. You've proven it already.

Get on it.
We totally get what you're going through, and will help in any way we can.

Go on now - make that call. Big hug.