how to tell daughter about WLS when she is overweight

I feel for you. I have been struggling with the same thing. My son just turned 13 and he too is overweight. He works out with his swim team six days a week, but with his medication, my DNA contribution and other factors he still can't keep his weight from increasing.

I was going to wait until closer to my surgery date, but my mother spilled the beans. Unfortunately this sent him into a tail spin. He has ADHD and ODD and to add to the mix his father passed away four years ago so he is very scared of anything happening to me.

I have heard it all - 'Mom I don't want you to die', 'Why can't I have the surgery too'. The worst one was the other day 'Well you are taking the easy way out, why can't I?'. That was on day 3 of Optifast so I wasn't too receptive to the criticism.

I have explained it to him until I am blue in the face. He is still scared and given his unique situation isn't always able to verbalize what he is feeling. It is tough finding that balance between needing to do something for yourself and wanting to be there for your kids.

I don't have an easy answer for you other than keep reassuring them that this is better than the alternative of getting diabetes or heart disease. That this will help you be more active and be able to spend more time doing things they enjoy.

A couple of things I have noticed - it is way harder to prepare three meals a day and snacks for my son while I am on Optifast than I originally thought. I figured - I can handle it, it's only two weeks. Well it is tougher than I imagined. I don't want to resort to picking up take out for him just because it is easier. This is the wrong message and he certainly doesn't need it. Second thing is that I am much grouchier than I tought I would be. He seems to feed on that and pushes my buttons even more.

I just keep telling myself one day at a time. I also hope that I will be able to set a better example for him and his weight issues will become more controlled.

Best of luck,
Kristie

I wonder if this might be a good question to as the physcologist?  Perhaps some suggestions from them might help.

good idea

Thankfully my kids are all at healthy weights, but I was worried that by having surgery I would be enforcing in them the usual stereotypes that go along with being overweight.  I didn't want them to think it was purely a vanity thing and that it was a decision based mostly on health and wanting to improve my ability to not only be around longer for them, but also to be able to be a more active part of their lives.

I think with your daughter being so young I would definitely let her know that as you get older the weight can cause health problems and because she is so young she does not yet have those health problems yet; that the surgery is mostly to make sure you are the healthiest person you can be and not only so that you can lose weight and be a smaller size.  I'd tell her that she is still growing and that if she continues to eat healthy and be active that as she grows taller her weight will become more proportionate, where you are already at your maximum height and will not be getting any taller. 

Out of all of my kids, I had 2 who got a little pudgier when they hit about 11 years old.  My one son was very concerned about this and kept calling himself fat, which really upset me.  But both boys thinned out drastically when they hit puberty and all of a sudden had a growth spurth.  Also in kids, although it is more noticeable in some than in others, but they make appear that they've gained some weight just before they are about to have a growth spurth. 

I have 3 kids under the age of 8 and didn't tell them about the type of surgery.  They knew I had surgery on my tummy and that it will help hopefully so mummy doesn't give herself needles anymore. And that was that.  They didn't ask me anything else and haven't even noticed that I'm eating differently.  
Cheers,
Donna

My children are 34 months and 13 months and so we have not had the discussion. My oldest has cancer as well and has always been more interested in eating the healthy options, but he does enjoy the occasional cookie. Given the choice of a cookie or fruit, both of them will choose the fruit so I am grateful for that. They know I had surgery and that Mommy had a sore tummy for a while, but now love to go walking around the house etc. with me and love to chase me around or have me chase them. They both eat more than I do now, but still within reason for their ages. I have really tried to avoid the same traps that I grew up with, you must eat this before receiving that whether it  is a dessert or some other privilege. I am really conscious of trying to avoid the traps so they don't develop eating problems as they age. There are no fatty snacks in the house, however my husband wants homemade cookies/muffins etc. for his lunch but again, they prefer fruit.
I want them to be active as much as possible and that will certainly help now that I have lost weight. I have a severe neck injury so that causes problems with activity, but we will be as active as possible. I also bought a Wii type toddler activity game that plugs into the TV and they both love it. It certainly helps especially in the winter and on rainy days.
Perhaps someday when they are older I will discuss it, if they were teenagers perhaps I would discuss it, but really it is up to you. You know your children best.

Whatever you choose to do it should be done with honesty at the level that they can understand.  Kids are very perceptive and will remember and repeat what they are told.  I am fortunate that my children are grown up and one of them is going through this process at the same time.

I thought this was an excellent topic and had very good answers from the members responding.

T.

 i agree thanks

My 10 year old is also overweight.  I told her about the surgery without thinking of how it would affect her.  She has since then made comments about eatting whatever she wants now because she can just get the fat cut off when shes older... shes a smart girl... too smart.

Im hoping that once i do have the surgery and she sees what i have to go through it will help her too.  Im not just having this done for me.. but for my kids... and this way we will all eat better... I can honestly say that if I cant have the bad food .. neither can they lol