how to tell daughter about WLS when she is overweight

Ok looking for some ideas here.  My 8 year old daughter also struggles with being overweight and has been working with mom (Me) on eating healthy and being active.  With that said just wonding about any suggestions of how to talk with her about my up coming WLS.  I don't want her to feel self concus of her body and fear that this may spike that in her.  I also don't want her to think that this is a quick fix.  Open to suggestions and ideas in approaching the issue.

I struggle with this myself. My son is 10 and over weight. My case is a little different as my son also has a male role model his dad who is over weight (he will not be the only over weight one in the house) and that boys aren't usually as worried about there image.

The way I am going to (I have not told him yet either) is that he has time to make the changes that I wish I had. It will also help him as he will have agood example & someone looking out for his health.

I also fear (because he is kind of a ****y - easy way out kid) that he will say... 'well then I can get the surgery wen I get older'.
So I want to see that he knows it is serious but not so much that he will be worried about me.

I haven't told my kids yet I don't want to tell them too far ahead that they will be worried for a long time about it.

I will be interested to see your other replies. It is a hard topic.

thanks for your thoughts

I think I would tell her that your weight is more difficult to lose (due to age and health issues) and that the doctor recommended surgery to help you.  Kind of like some kids in class needing some extra help to learn something that other kids learn more easily.

I think once she sees that you still have to eat healthy and exercise she'll realize that it's not a quick fix.  The more you can involve her in 'helping' you lose weight, the more I think she'll learn about nutrition and exercise and the better example for her in the long run.  Get her to keep you accountable  Lol (in a fun way).  Have her keep track of your water intake, or get something fun for exercise that the two of you can do together (Just Dance for the Wii, Dance Dance Revolution, Dance Central for XBox).

My son is a little older (12).  He was worried at first because he had heard that the surgery was dangerous (where does a 12yo hear that??).  Anyway, after we talked about it for awhile he was fine.  I've been focusing on post-surgery more with him and the things we'll be able to do together.

She will pick up her clues from you.  I think if you focus more on the healthy parts, (eating better/exercise/less health risks/feeling better) and less on the visual parts (being smaller/losing weight) she'll pick up on it and not focus on her weight.

Anyway, that's just my opinion.  Hope some of it helps!

yes loved the ideas, i am already very active with her and am the first one to start dancing to the wii just dance and hahahaha i win too !!!! and i do family swims and sliding with my kids so very involved and active...... I just worry about after surgery the comments from others and the focus on looks at that point may be dufficult to curb I guess my response will be well I feel healthy rather than "slim, Pretty etc"

Hi there

I also have a child, my 9 year old son, who struggles a little with his weight.  We talk about healthy choices regularly and he knows about my upcoming surgery.  Some of the things I have talked with him about:

...I will still have to watch what I eat and make good choices...WLS is not a quick fix...just a tool

...I have struggled with my weight for many years and didn't always make good choices...thats part of the reason why I am so overweight now...shows the benefits of doing this now, as a child not waiting and ruining your health as a adult...hard concept for a kid but a simple discussion should get her understanding that

...more than anything, as she see's you as a good example her choices will change

...make her part of what you are doing...sugar free choices for her as well and thinking about each food as fuel for the body rather than 'good' or 'bad' foods

...exercise with her..do stuff she likes to do, or help her find it if she struggles to be active...make yourself accountable to her for exercise...let her be your trainer...my son does this with me and we love it...it's our time together and he gets to 'boss' me around

Good luck...hope some of this helps...it works for me!!
Dawn

I read this article earlier today and it's about putting kids on a diet or not but they do have some great ideas at the bottom that you could probably incorporate into your talk with her. 

www.besthealthmag.ca/embrace-life/home-and-family/should-you -put-your-child-on-a-diet

My daughter is 7 and thankfully, inheirited (the only good thing) from her father, the ability to eat anything and be scrawny as a rake...

HOWEVER.....
At one time, she was obsessed about how much 'fat' was in everything. At 7 yrs old!!! She didnt want to eat yogurt because it had fat in it....she reads the labels of things religiously to figure out carbs and fat and sugar. At first I thought it was cute that she was copying me but then I worried that it was a bit of an obsession, especially for someone who was ALREADY very thin.

Since then, we have worked on using different words...like "healthy eating" vs diet and "good choices" when it comes to what to eat. We dont usually have any junk food in the house anyways, so when we buy something like popcorn or chips....its a really big deal and a special treat for when they get babysat or something.

I talked about having surgery with them.....but they have seen me try the optifast shakes and WW and they exercise with me all the time so they know what I already do. Kira was so happy that I was finally going to be thin like her!! She already has all kinds of plans on how we will go for bike rides and play volleyball and go swimming and soccer....lol
She was so happy as a matter of fact that she decided to tell the Dollarama cashier all about it one day! I thought I was going to die!!


Again, not entirely the same situation, but maybe you can talk about how hard it has been up to this point and that you are excited about all the things you will be able to do with them afterwards. Perhaps start getting ready now with food choices and practicing healthy eating with them and talking about whats healthy.....at my info session last week, she said something I found to be very interesting. "Whats healthy for you now, will be healthy for you after"

Just less of it! lol

Good luck with your kids. I think if you are open and honest with them, things will work out.

Thanks everyone for your input it is valued

My son is 9 and my daughter is 2. Obviously she won't understand at all but so far I have not talked about it with my son. I don't think he needs to know about it. He is sensitive and prone to over react, I don't think it is the best thing. He has been used to me doing odd things with the way I eat (long story) and so I can't see that the way I am going to have to eat post op will not concern him very much. I have done liquid diets before so the Optifast period will not cause a lot of questions.