Needing some prayers sent my way

I really need some good thoughts and prayers to come my way. I am less than 2 weeks from my surgery and I am having thoughts of cancelling it. I am so confused about what to do. I work for an afterschool program and am planning on working until the day before my surgery. I have no sick time or disability at work, so when I am off on my surgery leave there will be no income. At this same time, my child support is going to drop by 1/3 because of my daughters upcoming graduation. I have been sitting here in tears and with a heavy heart tonight. I feel like the best thing for my family is for me to cancel the surgery and get caught up on my bills and try for the surgery later. But I also know in my heart how darned hard I have worked to get medicaid to approve my surgery and that maybe once this approval expires, i wont be able to get it again. Right now I am so scared that if I have the surgery I wont be able to afford my supplements and keep the utilities on. Do I for once in my life do something completely selfish and have this surgery or give up on my dream of living a better life to make things easier on my kids? I feel like such a loser tonight that I cant take care of my family the way they need to be taken care of and take care of myself. I am in so much pain physically right now from joint pain, I am afraid if I dont have this surgery my quality of life is going to continue to go down hill. I am sorry to be burdening you with my rambling, But Miss Liz ordered me to post .. I think she was trying to keep me from going off the deep end. LOL I need your prayers so God can help guide my thoughts and actions. Big Big Big Hugs, Laura

Laura, I am keeping you in my prayers tonight. I am sorry that you are feeling that way. I did some soul searching before I decided to do this. My thoughts were.. if I don''t have the surgery who is going to be there for my kids if something happens to me. If I did have the surgery I will be there for my kids. Yes I have a husband.. but he does not stand up for them like I do. I am having the surgery for me and for them. I want to be around to see them live their lives. My daughter is 13 and my son is 10. You know the process you have been through to get this far. You are not selfish in wanting this for yourself. You are doing this to be healthier and to be alive for your family. I am sure your kids would rather you have the surgery then not to. Just know I am here for you either way. I pray that God helps you make the right decision. God Bless You! Hugs and Prayers Julie

Laura, I did not see your post when I posted mine. I wasn't sure if you would really be able to write this to the message board, so I sent my own cryptic posting on your behalf....THAT'S how brazen I am. Girlie girl...your childern will be taken care of. They have a father. they can stay with them for a little while if necessary. I have to leave to go see the cardiologist....more later. I am thinking of you constantly! Love you Laura! Liz

Laura, You need to take care of yourself first so you can be there for the kids. You need to go into surgery with a positive outlook and put it in God's hands.He will not fail you or your children. Do it for you and the kids. We all will pray for you and support you. Luann

I am always willing to pray and I don't think it is selfish to do something that will benefit yourself. I think you will have less food bills and you will find that since there is less that way you might have more money for other things also we are goiing to be coming into nice weather so your utilities will be less for a while. Relax and I will ask god to give you Laura peace. Relax and let God take care of all the little things and let the big things also be in his hands. There are a lot of us who would give a lot to be approved for the surgery and you are being blessed to go and get it. Thank God for all that he has done for you and do what you can and relax. Pat Scanlon