scared

As many of you, I am totally terrified of having surgery. I have done some major studying on gastric bypass..but can't make myself even go for the consultation. I know I'm too big for the laproscopic way, which means I would have to be cut. I'm the biggest, and i mean BIGGEST baby there is. Plus I'm scared of dying. But I know if I keep living like this, I am gonna die. What do I do? I have major issues with depression and its mainly all because of my weight. What did you do help prepare yourself for the surgery? Some people say that I must not want it bad enough, that isn't true. I want to be thinner and healthier like any other person. I'm just extremely scared. HELP ME!

Dear Bobbie, I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now. I know those fears you are having. I have had them and dealt with them, but i am human and they resurface every now and again. The answers are all right there within your reach inside of you. You are tired of living like you are and you know your life is in danger with you being overweight. If you do Nothing you will die. I am not sugar coating it, and I have told myself this very same thing. Am I willing to have a much longer healthier more mobile life if I take this leap of faith and have this surgery. It may go off without a complication, I might have another dehiss and not heal for 6 months. But Bobbie, I am willing to accept these chances, because I am dying inside everyday that I cannot live the life I want. The life I want is freedom to move without carrying 279 pounds around on a 5"2 body with a bad heart. I want to live to see my kids and their kids grow up. I want to not be the center of attention because I am the heaviest mom in a group, I dont want to have to move out of a booth because my tummy is too big. Obesity leads to depression in just about everyone I know, and then the depression makes us turn to food even more. What did I do to prepare myself. I took an HONEST look at my life and how I am wasting it, by not being kind to my body and making myself morbidly obese. And Bobbie I had to get to the point where I had, enough. I had to convince myself that I was bigger and badder and tougher than any fear. Yes, this surgery has risks, but my risk of dying from my heart disease, and living every day in pain from arthritis is a risk too. But this tool ( the bypass) is my chance to even the playing field. And finally be able to show how strong, confident and beautiful I am on the inside and outside. Because unfortunetly the world sees only the overweight person, most of the time not caring to get to know the incredible people living in those bodies. I still have my moments of fear, I think any one would. I educated myself about the procedure, leaped through every hoop Ohio Medicaid put me through and finally have the golden ticket in my hand... I see the surgeon at OSU on Monday and its going to be the beginning.. It is going to be my 44th birthday when I see Dr Mikami, and it is going to be the beginning of the very best part of my life. Bobbie you CAN do this, and we will help you.. Knowledge is Power, learn everything you can about the procedure, be prepared to fight like &%#@ with Ohio Medicaid to make your case for medical necessity, start visualizing yourself as the thinner healthier Awesome woman you know you can be. You will find strength to empower you from this wonderful group of men and women here. You are home Bobbie.. This is where the journey begins. And we will all be here for you. I wish you the best of luck. If you need anything I will be here. If you need help preparing your case for Ohio Medicaid, I would be happy to help. But your job is to be bigger than your fear.. Think about the things you dream about doing, Picture yourself doing them, and make it happen!!!! Lots of Love and Hugs, Laura

Hi Bobbie,we all know how you feel exactly.Who wants to have surgery,and especially not being able to eat anymore?The end of our lifes because food is our life.Its not nearly as bad as you think. You dont have to give up anything its just very small amounts. But you are so full you cant eat anymore. Its like you just had a huge meal. No different. I am a diabetic,56 years old,husband ,3 kids, and 5 grandkids. I was taking 100 units of insulin a day. Effexor for depression. No more.my health is great. Its a miracle. I was litterly dying or going to have been in a wheel chair the rest of my life. I was in the hospital with celulitus and almost died/ This surgery was my last resort. I wish you could talke to Dr.Trace Curry . He is in Cincinnati and would make you so comfortable. He is worth the trip. He has saved so many of our lifes. He might be able to do lap. I know he has done lap on a few over 400. Please call him even if its just to talk. He is so easy to talk to. Email me if you want to talk. I am always here, Love, Cindy

Bobbie, This Sunday Dr.Curry is having a big open house at Deaconess Hosp/ in Cincinnati. If you feel like going it would be a terrific start and you could meet everyone and you would know what you want to do.

Dear Bobbie: My only two cents would be that it would depend on your BMI as far as the laparoscopic approach. I don't know what you've been told but we at UC Surgeons have successfully performed Laparoscopic surgery on patients with BMIs greater than 90. I hope this information helps. If you have any questions please do not hesitate to email or call. Sincerely, Dr.Selwyn [email protected]

Bobbie, I am in the same boat as you are. I am 41, have two children, 3 and 4yrs old, I was also born with a heart condition, am turning diabetic and I could go on. I have so many fears also, but I have decided to at least talk to Dr. Curry, I have my first appointment on May 9th. Im very excited but also very nervous. I have the same questions. What if i dont have the surgery, how long will I really live, and what happens to my children if I do have it and dont make it. I want to be there for my children, I want to see them get married, have a family of their own. I am terrified I wont live that long, so I am taking the first step, I am talking to them, not setting a date yet, but talking. I have a great support system with family and friends, I have several friends that have had the surgery, but I have also had a friend die from it. So trust me I understand your fear. I have so many questions that need to be asnwered. I know that I can never get the YES you will be fine and you will not have any problems that Im looking for. But, better to ask the right people and then make the decision then not look into it at all. If you would like I will post an update after my meeting with the list of questions I asked....Pam

My BMI was 54.9 when I had my surgery. I was afraid I would be to big for it too. Dr.Curry told me that I would have no problems and he was right. Fear is a very big part of this surgery but as you collect all of the information that you need, the fear dwindles and the challenge of gaining approval for the surgery becomes paramount! When you have your mental health evaluation, you can address those fears. I am so glad that I didn't let my fears conquer me. I am a happier nicer person since my weight loss and I thank God everyday for being here to enjoy all that I was missing. Best of luck to you. Cathy -97

Bobbie, After I made the choice to save my life I went to the County Mental Health Center and started to help my depression with couseling. I only pay a minimal fee since it's on a sliding fee scale. That was a year ago May 2004. I have learned to love myself and choose to live. I also found this site and have learned so many things about the surgery. Education is power. I'm 5'1 and weigh 311. I have diabetes, sleep apnea, arthritis, high blood pressure, Wilson's thyroid syndrome, high cholestral, a BMI of 57 and only two pairs of pants that I can still wear. I will take my antidepressant Lexapro for a year after my surgery to deal with the many changes in and outside. I plan on continuing couseling too! I chose to live and learn evrything I can about the surgery. Education and knowledge are powerful tools. You can choose life too. I'm still in the insurance system trying to get approved but I know I won't like to see my children graduate or marry or have grandkids if I don't do something. I choose to live so I can get healthy. I hope you choose life. Couseling has helped me so much. I now can say I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I now know why I chose to hide in rolls of fat. But, now I choose to live. Please find out why you are scared to live. Best wishes for you and the decisions you must make. Luann

(((((Bobbie))))) I know you are scared and it's only human, as others have said. But you also have to remember, in case no one mentioned this, I didn't read all the replies, there are pain medicines out there for after surgery. You will not be allowed to be in pain because pain doesn't allow you to heal as fast. You will be given a pump that you control yourself for pain. It won't allow you to overdose because it's measured and won't allow an overdose to be given. You really should go to Dr. Curry's open house, it would help you sooooo much. Start going to support meetings too. They help you with everything, and they are for people thinking about the surgery, pre op and post op, you don't have to already have had the surgery to go to them. I'm sure there will be many people there that had your same feelings and you can discuss it with them face to face. THEY WON'T LIE TO YOU ABOUT THE PAIN!!! I had a hysterectomy in '76 and wasn't in that much pain, I stopped taking the pain shots within a day of surgery and got pills and was off of them soon too. Dr. Curry and others monitor this site and you can ask them anything and they will get back with you. That's amazing to me and I told Dr. Curry that not too long ago. I'm not even his patient and he impresses me to no end. Along with the doctor *****plied to your post today, isn't that something!!! Ask and they will be totally honest with you. Send them your BMI and they can tell you if you can have it done with 6 tiny little holes instead of opening you up. But even so, if you need it done open, then it's worth it to get back to good health. Please write them and ask them anything, right here on this site. Just put in the subject line, Attention Dr. Curry or Dr. (forget his name, sorry) that wrote to you today. You can also click on his reply under his post and it will go directly to him and ask him for information on pain control. It will be well worth a few days of being uncomfortable to get your life back on track, right? Don't go into this thinking about the pain, go into this thinking about the future, your healthy future, your kids having a Mom who can play with them and down the road, your grandkids too. Go into this with a positive attitude!!! I will be healthy, I will be thin, I will be able to do so much more, I will be out of pain from my knees and hips, I will be off most of my medicines I need now for everyday life. I WILL BE SO MUCH BETTER FROM HAVING THIS SURGERY!!! Believe me, a few days of discomfort is nothing compaired to what lays in your future without this surgery!!!! I'm there now, I'm 55 and my knees are shot, my hips ache, and before too much longer I'll be in a wheelchair if I don't have this surgery. I'm looking forward to having this and getting on with getting on!!!! I'm not looking forward to any pain, but I'm already in pain, so what's a little more to help get rid of it completely??? RIGHT??? I really didn't mean to make this a book length reply, sorry!!! But once I got started, I just couldn't stop!!! Please go the the open house and find out all the information you can to make yourself comfortable with this decision to save your life!!! Find that support meeting and go to it. And find the strength to fight your way through your fears. Do it for your family!!! BUT MOSTLY, DO IT FOR YOURSELF!!! Hugs, Susie PS Good luck in your decision to have this surgery or not. Good luck with everything in your life!!!

Me again, just checked out your profile, NOTHING!!! Start writing down how you feel. Sometimes writing down how you feel, what you fear, what is bothering you or going through your mind helps. I use my profile as a diary of sorts. I talk in it like I am talking to someone and it may help you figure out why you are so scared. Is it the needles? You will be surprised at how writing things down makes your worries smaller somehow. Try it. You can go back and read it over and over and maybe something will click with you and you'll figure things out for yourself. Why are you so scared of the pain? I know that might sound dumb, but really think about it. The medicines to keep you pain free are there for you to get and use, no biggie. You won't be a "wuss" because you used them!!!! So get in there and start your profile, tell everything leading up to the decision to look into this surgery, your feelings, your aches and pains - just everything. See if it helps. Hugs, Susie