Support Issues

When I began researching the possibility of having the WLS I fully expected that those who knew and loved me would be supportive of my decision to have the surgery. My family has seen me become more and more disabled by the weight but my mother and siblings are very much against me having the procedure. Many of my friends are as well. My children are all 100% behind me, and are ready for a thinner healthier mom. I want my family to be with me at the hospital and there for me when I come home. But they refuse to even listen to me, and think I am taking the " EASY WAY OUT". I have explained all the life changes I have to be willing to make and the WLS is just a tool to help me get to my goal weight. Staying there will require a life long committment from me to keep the weight off. I have resolved those issues in my mind and feel this is the best decision I will have ever made. I will look back at this when I am 100 years old and be so greatful that I took this path. I just want the support and understanding of those who mean so much to me. There is a new support group that meets locally but they only meet every other month. I really need some friends who have been where I am at right now and can encourage me along the way. Hugs from Southeast Ohio, Laura

Hi Laura, May I first start out by saying welcome to this site. It is a wonderful site with a wealth of information. Now, My wife said she didn't want me to get this surgery. Actually she told me NO!. I finally told her it was with or without her. Nobody knows the pain or the problems you have better than you. My hips hurt, I was on three BP meds, I was on two diabetic meds, and a thyroid pill. I also have sleep apnea. She fought me to the end. Now she can't be happier. I think it was because she was so worried that something would happen to me on the table. I also think she thought "what if he leaves me"? THis is their insecurities and while I understand that, this is your body and you must make your own decisions for that. I am feeling my best in 30 years and will never go back. My daughter of 13 asked me to race while we were walking the dogs. THe first time in 25 years that I have ever run like that. I WON! ( there was no way she was going to win). I was not huffing or puffing. It felt wonderful and I will start running now since I was afraid to for so long. GOod Luck on your decision. Let us know how it is going or if you just need someone to talk. RIchard

hi Laura, I too know how it can hurt not having family members support you. when I began researching WLS, it was right after Carnie Wilson had hers... maybe in '99??? I mentioned the procedure at a gathering of my husband's family... (may I add there are many heath care professionals in that group) WOW was I met with a brick wall! "the easy way out" was the most spoken phrase... Well, I let their angry words stall me for a time... but I kept researching on my own... and in May of 2004 I decided come H*** or high water, I would have the surgery!!! It was MY life!! When I found this board it was a godsend!!! So much information, and support! I have to add that my hubby was in support after he read the materials. MY family was in support. Our children were always supportive. My daughter being my biggest cheerleader!! Hubby's family.... well, they do not know that I had the procedure last month... and I will most lilkely never tell THEM. they will only shout more disapproval. hmmmm they Will wonder how I am becoming more fit over the months though... I'll never tell... so, keep you chin up and surround yourself with POSITIVE people! Good Luck!! ~Deb lap/RNY 2/4/05 Dr Curry 252.5/224/140

join the club. my two youngest sons and my mother in law are very supportive, but my husband and my oldest (13) daughter are not supportive at all. my husband didn't even go with me to my first consut. this past week. we have been married 14 years, and during that time i have worked full time(a morning paper route in which i begin work evry morning at 2:30 seven days a week) I have worked these hours so that my kids never had to go to a babysitter. I still work these hours because for the last 5 years i have homescooled my kids. everything in my life has been about them. this surgery is the first thing i have wanted just for me, and they won't support it. i get the statement a lot that if i REALLY tried, i could lose the weight without surgery. like i haven't REALLY tried. where were they when i was sitting at the table eating my salad with no cheese and fat free dressing while they are having buffalo wings and curly fries? I have tried every diet. It's not like the thought of dumping is fun, but i want to lose this fat once and for all.

Thank you for the warm welcome Richard and Debbie!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been reading and researching on this site for a month or so, but didnt know how to jump , but now that I have a surgery date I felt like it was time. Its been such a long journey getting this surgery approved through Ohio Medicaid for the disabled, that sometimes I was so afraid to let myself believe it was actually going to happen. And to be honest I really wont believe it until I am being wheeled down the hall staring at the white ceiling tiles. Debbie, I am glad that you told me that your inlaws didnt know you had the surgery. I dont feel so alone in the fact that my plan is not to let my family know until its over and done with. I live in Southeast Ohio and all of my family lives in Columbus. So sometimes its several months between visits. I am not ashamed of taking this route to help me lose the weight. but non the less I agree I need to surround myself with people who support me during this time. I feel like I am going to find some much needed TLC right here with this group. I am really and truly beginning to visualize myself in a new healthier and happier body and mind. The Laura that I was when I walked down the aisle in 82. And part of me cant wait to see the look on my ex husbands face when I am fit and healthy again. But first and foremost I am doing this for ME, and finally I love myself enough to give myself this gift. Big Hugs Laura

I agree with you we can only do this for ourselves. After all we are the ones that have to deal with this weight. They don't have to carry it around, or wonder what people are saying when you walk into a room. I do not know about anyone else but I sometimes feel that people are thinking that I am lazy or just eat all the time and that could not be further from the truth. Those whom think that this is "the easy way out" has never had to walk in our shoes!!! What I want to know from them is how easy do they think this all is? It isn't that simple, but they may be just ignorant to what the surgery and after care consists of. You have to do what is right for YOU! I wish you all the luck in the world, we all deserve it. The people on this site are wonderful and caring, welcome to our little piece of heaven! Southeast OH Shelia