I am in denial....long and whiny.. just venting...

Hi everyone, You can ignore this - I needed to write it out and get it off of my chest... Just got back from my psyc eval... I really do not think it went that well - but what do I know! LOL I have been depressed off and on over the past 10 years... and I honestly thought I was doing great this past year or so.... well - let us guess again! haha he told me that I was in denial of having depression - and I have to go back on meds.. and he is putting in his report that I am depressed and havce been for some time... also he will be putting in the report that I MUST go seek counceling at least 2 sessions before surgery and then lots after. *I was already planning on after, because I know it will be a great change in my life.. and I want to deal with it in a positive way. I guess I am just upset since I have been dealing with my problems in what I thought was a good way - I mean - I can talk to my mother... do I get upset every single time I talk to her.. no - I deal with her.. lol I love her.. but would not choose her for a freind.. she is not a compassionate person - and I have dealt with the fact that I will never have a loving mother like others that I see... lets just say - her favorite saying as I grew up was that we (her kids) were just hemroids.. pains in the ass....But - I understand that it is not me.. it is her.. I accept that. OK - well - I hope that this does not put a stop to anything for me.. I am sorry for ranting... I just had to let it out of my system. ~Starr~

Don't let this get you down. It is really a positive thing. You are doing this to change your life and your behaviors. Maybe talking to someone will help you do this. Good Luck!! Cheryl

Starr, I am not really sure what to say ... It must be so disappointing, and yet, maybe you can think of it as yet another hoop we must jump through to get what we need and want. It sounds like you have been through the mill with your mother! But it also sounds like you are learning to detach yourself from her to the point that you can still have a relationship without letting her "get to you." That is an adult way to handle a rotten situation. I admire you for being able to work that out in such a good way! Sooooo, in the closet about depression?? Hmmmm. Even YOU didn't know you were depressed? Shoot, I have to wonder about a doctor who makes such a stunning diagnosis after one visit, but of course, I'm no doctor. That's why they don't pay me the big bucks! But maybe he sees something subtle ... after surgery you will be in some pain, and you will be physicall and emotionally stressed, frustrated and tired - guess they want to make sure you are at your best possible "You" before you go through all that. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I am feeling for you. Sure hope this gets resolved quickly. Maybe they can even give you some pointers for dealing with all the changes you will be undergoing - and they will be very big, and very WONDERFUL. So please keep the faith, you have a worthy goal - it's getting closer and closer with each hurdle that you cross. Best wishes Kitty B. RNY 12/13/04 251 / 214

Thank you Kitty and Cheryl for your kind replies. I called the mental health provider of my insurance today to get a list of in network councelors... and wouldn't you know it - 4 out of 4 offices were already closed! lol at 130pm... oh well - I will be calling Monday morning when I get home from work. As I sat back and realy thought of today - yes I am upset about the eval... but heck the guy, errr.. "doctor" did not even know what sybiac was.. that was the anti depressant I was on before prozac... so - I will just ride along with whatever his report says and play the game. He should be sending the report to my pcp and surgeon next week, So i will be one step ahead with an appointment made at a councelor. Once again - thank you all for being supportive! ~Starr~