Sorry need to Vent!!

Hi all I'm sorry to vent today of all days but I really need to. I talked to my mom and told her today was going to be hard I love Thanksgiving the smell of the dinner cooking and watching the parade. I'm still on full liquids. I told her I was a little hungry, her reply was "Well if your hungry now I don't know what your going to do." I wish she could've just supported me a little-I have decided I am going to have to try to distance myself from her a little to help myself through this process. I feel guilty since I am an only child and call her twice a day to check on her, but I really need support right now. Please everyone pray that I stay strong through this and not feel too guilty about a little distance from her. I did stay strong today and did not cheat at all, I just keep telling myself it's only for a short time compared to the rest of my life. Thanks for listening.

Hi Connie, I'm sorry you had such a bad day. You need to do what you need to do to get you through this stage of your journey. And if you mom questions WHY you aren't calling or around as much... I think you should tell her !! Do you go to a support group?? If you do, maybe you should ask her to attend one with you. Maybe she needs a CLUE as to how to support you !!! You know you'll always have people here who will support you and lend a shoulder for you to lean on!!! 24/7... someone is here!! As my grandmother always would say to me.. "this too shall pass"... and she was right. Tomorrow is another day. Keep the faith!! Keep posting ... .and vent as often as you need too!! Hugs. Cindy

Sweet Connie, I imagine it wasn't easy having your mom say that to you. I think it is hard to understand how it is being post op or even having a remote clue unless you've done some research on it. I have been checking this out for a whole year and I still have no clue REALLY what it will be like this time next week whe I am a post-op. If you were here I'd give you a big 'ol squishy hug to cheer you up! Don't let her comment get to you sweetie. I am sure she didn't mean to be malicious, she just doesn't understand. You've just been through a major surgery and it is easy to get down in the dumps. You are no bother venting here on the MB that is what we're all here for. Beings that you are so close to your mom, it might be wise to speak up now and tell her how you feel so you don't end up harboring any resentment towards her. It is easy for that to happen, especially in a stressful situation. I am so proud of you that you stuck with it and didn't cheat. Soon enough you will be on solid foods and able to control your feelings of hunger better. Keep your eye on the prize, better health and a new you! Hang in there and e-mail me if you need to talk. Hugs, Jaimee

Hi Connie, I'm sorry to hear about your frustration with your Mom's comments. I can relate very well. I'm still pre-op and won't even be telling my Mom that I'm thinking about WLS until my insurance has approved it (which I'm hoping with be within a week or so). Is there anyway you can lovingly tell your Mom how you are feeling? I remember about 20 years ago I tried to do Optifast and made it 4 days before giving it up. Losing the food was something I wasn't prepared for (I recognize it now and I'm getting counseling for it), but my Mom's comment was "you couldn't even make it for four days?". I told her how negative that was and she truly didn't consider that to be a negative comment. We actually argued about the definition of "negative". But, at least I told her. As people always tell me, I can't change her, so I need to change how I react to her. I'm proud that you hung in there yesterday and had only your liquids and that you came here to vent (that's what we're here for). I do hope you can talk to your Mom about it so that you won't get too angry. But if she doesn't change or understand what you need, you will definitely need to distance yourself a little bit. I'll keep you in my prayers that your Mom will figure out how to support you soon! Hang in there, Denise

One sentence struck home with me: "I feel guilty since I am an only child and call her twice a day to check on her, but I really need support right now." I have been in a lot of counseling, and this is one of the major topics I have had to learn to deal with. Guilt can also be a form of anger, and resentment according to my counselor, and you know she was right. Where is your support? Does she call you twice a day? I think the one enlightening thing about this surgery is it gives those of us who have always been the caretakers the strength to take care of us. Is your mom debilitated? Why do you feel you must constantly be checking on her? I went through that with my mom too. I always got the "what if....I should die or something happens to me"...etc....line. I told her finally to quit living in the what if world. Life passes you by if you sit around going "what if". I have found that by taking care of me, I can better take care of those around me. And the sad thing is I am finding that sometimes the people who you think are the closest to you are the ones who support you the least. You HAVE to have positive support. Surroung yourself with people who will support you with this. Get a support group, come here to vent, whatever it takes and let her know that just like Thumper said in "Bambi" "If you can't say nothin' nice, then don't say anything at all". We love you here. So, you just come and lean on us anytime my friend. Be strong, keep the faith and know that in the long run, through all the ups and downs, you will come out of this a much better person, and most importantly someone who can finally love themself. BIG (GENTLE) HUG Valerie

Connie, I am sorry to hear about your Mom not supporting you. Connie, you know in your heart you did the right thing and you did it for the right reasons. Your Mom will eat her words when she starts seeing the results. You know that you have the support of your friends on here. If there is anything I can do let me know. I am an only child too, but my Mom is supporting me. She did say to me that the only thing she ever wanted was to see me skinny, healthy and happy before she passed away. I am so happy that I am going to do this now more than ever. You just keep eating what you are supposed to, and you will start seeing the results of your surgery. Just know that in a few months from now..you will be really on your way to being a new Connie. Take Care sweetie! Hugs, Julie

SOunds like your Mom is old and old people shoot their mouth off because they think they have a right to say whatever they want. Let it rooll off and resolve to get your support elsewhere. Don't involve her in this.

Jack,she can talk about her mother but you cant. Remember that always.Cindy

thanks for your opinion

Hi Connie, It is okay to vent. We ALL need to at times. And believe it or not sometimes your venting might be just what someone else wanted to write but didn't have the guts to do it. Yes it is okay to distance yourself from your mother, for a time. Please don't totally break away. When you are feeling better about yourself please go back to your mom and talk to her. She will see that you are okay.(That is probably what she is worried most about anyway.) And that you did know what you were doing. It may take some time but your mom will support you. I will be praying for you and your mom as you go through this. Becky D.