Help with Spouse

Hey Gang, I need some advice. I've been working hard for almost 10 months to get my surgery approved. I now have a surgery date of Jan 6th (yeah for me), but I have a situation at home. My wife is convinced that I'm going to have the surgery, lose alot of weight and then leave her. While I know that this frequently happens to alot of people, I have no intentions of leaving her. I'm very happy with my marriage and I do not have the desire to be with other people. My sole motivation is my health, not upgrading wives. I've told her this, but to no avail. She's trying to be supportive of my surgery, but everytime the subject comes up she gets quiet and sad. She has also confided in her sister that she thinks this is what will happen. Have any of you faced a similiar problem? Any advice? Thanks, Eric

Eric, It is common for our love ones to feel this way. Sometimes our love ones make lack their own self confidence and that is why they begin to feel less confident in relationships. I think you need to make sure your wife has a postive self image of herself. Encourage her to do something for herself that will make her feel young, sexy, beatiful etc.. new outfit, hair cut or color .If she is feeling good about herself and confident then she will feel secure with your relationship. Be patient and kind remind her of what you will be able to do with her once you are LIGHTER and healthier. Good Luck Karie

Although my husband is very supportive, he has mentioned the fear of the surgery making me a new person with a new personality and I will find guys attracted to me and leave him for one. I also have no intentions of leaving my spouse. I want to lose the weight to be healthier and to enjoy a long life with my husband and kids. I think losing the weight will make our sex life better I can't wait to give hubby an encounter with his "new" lover! Pauletta, still in the pre op mode

Eric, FIrst off, congrats on your date. It is not a coincidence that your surgery date is on the Feast of the Epiphany!! Enjoy 'feasting' on your new life and the happiness you will find with your new health! I know exactly what you are talking about. My wife and I had the most difficult conversation before I had surgery. She said to me that she knows there is a possibility that I will lose weight, my life will change and our marriage may end. It was difficult to hear, but I completely understood her fears. I assured her that I had no intention of leaving her, I was very happy with her and our life together. Time has helped her get past this. Also, I suggest that your wife seek out some support groups or even a few visits to a counseler, perhaps you two could go together. The reality is, this is her issue, her insecurity and she needs to figure out how to get past this. Your role is to be supportive. My wife and I were able to get a few free visits with a counselor through my work benefits just to talk through all of the stresses and changes that we have experienced over the past year and a half. It was very helpful and we are more secure than ever. Lastly, you need to be prepared for the change in attention. I get hit on often. I had been obese my whole life and it is odd to me. I sometimes do not know how to handle it. There have been a few occassions where I simply walked away from the social situation because it was too uncomfortable. Check out my website - www.decision-of-a-lifetime.com Good Luck!

Eric, I had to add my two cents to the great information you have received already. Maybe a local support group could offer some help for you and for your wife. I know my husband has benefited from speaking to others sposes and knowing that what he felt(feels) is normal and that it is something others have gone through. In any case congratulations on your date. Keep the positive thoughts flowing and maybe they will rub off on your wife. Best wishes, Deb

Thank you all for your responses. I feel that you've given me some great advise. Eric