Lack Of Family Support

Why is it that many family members and friends don't understand the desire to have WLS? Many of these are obese also. Hubby is behind me 100% but my mom and grandmother don't think it is necessary. "Just eat less and exercise more" "You're young, you can do it if you REALLY tried" that is what I hear from them. When I recently visited my ob/gyn for my yearly checkup, he informed me I was approximately 130 lbs. overweight. I thought 'That is like carrying my 5'9" 130 lb son around all the time, imagine how tiring that would be'. 130 lbs is a whole person! As far as trying, I feel that I have. I have tried eating better and exercising. I have bought several pieces of exercise equipment only to sell them do to lack of interest. We joined the gym and I did shape up but the weight didn't budge. I have tried diet pills and diet shakes with little or no sucess. I want this weight gone. I want my life back. I want to feel better and have more energy. I want to be around to see my kids grow up and start lives of their own. I don't want to recieve the "life sentence" of diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol that runs in my overweight family. I want to be a better lover to my husband and maybe even inspire him to get healthy and in shape. I want to be able to do dog agility with my Shelties without the fat smacking and jiggling all over the place and me getting extremely winded, I want to be able to go skating with the 4-H kids and take walks without "time outs" every few feet and I want to be able to wear all the beautiful sweaters that I have long since outgrown that are packed away in boxes. I don't feel that is too much to ask for. Do you?

Paulette, Not that you have to have your entire family's support to have WLS, but have you thought about a band? The risk is a lot lower and for someone with your BMI you would lose plenty of weight. Your family may be ok with this less invasive option. Just a thought... Good luck, Dr. C The Deaconess Surgical Weight Loss Center Cincinnati, Ohio (513) 559-2545

Paulette, What you want is your life. Definately not unreasonable!!! Unfortunately the ones we love the most are usually the ones who are not our biggest supporters. I was very blessed. My husband (who also ended up having wls) was behind me and so was my family and co-workers. For that I thank my God every day. I think, that most of it, is fear of the unknown. Fear is the mind killer. It is crippling sometimes. They fear how this is going to change you, they fear the risk of death, they fear that you will no longer need them anymore. This list goes on and on. Anxiety and fear can be a good thing in the right place and time, it keeps us alert, and aware of our surroundings. But it can also create unwanted hardships too. You need to do what is right for you. Many of us seem to be the "caregivers", always doing for everyone else, except ourselves. You have to start taking care of yourself first, before you can take care of someone else, or you will end up not being able to be good for anybody. I can't tell you what it is like to have your kids hug you and say "mommy I can hug you all the way around" It was the most wonderful day of my life. I have taken care of myself, now I can enjoy taking care of them. The weight will kill you. Eventually. Your body can only sustain so much stress like that. I felt that I needed to either do something now, or suffer the rest of my life. Sometimes, you need to just tell people to get on the band wagon with you or miss the ride. It is hard I know. Surround yourself with positive support. That is the only way to be successful in this. We have all been there and done that to some degree, and you will find mountains of love and support on this web site and others. You can let your family know that you are just going to be new and improved, healthier so that you can enjoy them for years to come. I just started running for the first time in my life. I can't tell you how that makes me feel. I will be 40 in February. My husband who had diabetes, high blood pressure, and impending pulmonary hypertension, now take ZERO meds. His sugars are normal as is his bp. He works out like a maniac. There is no price you can put on that. It is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Educate your family. Then if they choose to support you AWESOME! If they don't, make us your new family. We will support you no matter your decision. I wish you the best on your journey. Valerie Curry, RN Lap RNY 07/10/2003 268/172/145 61" lost total (btw that is a 5'1" 125 lb person off my back forever!) Loving Life to the fullest

My mom wasn't behind me all the way either my grandma just don't understand. My husband when I asked said what ever you want to do is fine with me (he supprots me no matter what because he know I will do it anyway) you have to do it for yourself no one else. Say I am sorry you dont' understand but I am doing this for me not you tell them you can get them some information if they wouldlike to read up on it and understand the surgery better. but you have to do it for you not your mom your grandma for you. I am 5 1/2 months out feel great have lost 57 ound and and 57% to where I want to be. My mom said the same ting to me try harder diet more watch what you eat well my mom is about 150 pounds over wieght and I just think you know I had a great teacher on showing me what not to do so for my slef and my health I am going to do what she doesn't want me to. and I did and I feel great. I have had no trouble with emotions or health since the surgery. If you go into this with a good state of mind it is a breeze Ihave had 9 surgerys and this was the most advacive but it was the easiest I think. I had no pain just discomfort from the gas they use and my stomck felt like I had done 500 sit ups but other than that it was fine. I have had tumors removed form my hands and had more pain and trouble after wards. alls I can say is do it for you no one else. rynae

Hi Pauletta, I had my family's support (at least those members whom I felt needed to know my decision). Initially, however, I hit the BIG road block from my husband. My family's curse is much like yours-diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. My mother passed at the age of 54 from a massive coronary and after spending her last few years wheelchair bound due to her weight and inability to tolerate the pain of carrying it on her joints. My husband NEVER met my mother-our son never met his one grandmother. I explained to my husband that I LIVED through the pain my mother suffered and what it did to our family. I'd rather die now than ever go through what she did-I'm far more active to become wheelchair bound for any period of time. I told him that he needed to consider the future-my health would certainly decline and our lives would forever be controlled by my weight and health problems associated with it. I didn't want to live my life like that and asked him to please read some of the articles I had found online, etc., and keep an open mind. My surgery was on 10/11/04 and my husband was with me every step of the way. He was, however, very upset the day of surgery prior to me going to the OR but as I told him as they wheeled me to the OR, I was doing this for US. To date, neither he, nor I have regretted the decision for the surgery. I look forward to a healthier life. So far, I'm only on one medication for high blood pressure (my PCP says more than likely it will need to be decreased or eliminated). I was on THREE meds for high blood pressure, something for high cholesterol and pain medication for arthritis. You've made your arguement for you to have surgery and as long as you are comfortable with it, its your life-do as you feel you need to do! Beth