My friends just don't undrestand!

My surgery date is December 1st and I am becoming very nervous about the surgery. I am excited about the results though. I know that this is the right thing for me to do, but my friends are making me worry. I have told very few people about this. None of my family knows. Just a few close friends. They act like I am going to die on the table. Some of them have bagged me not to do it. Is this common? Has anyone else gone through this? What do I say to them, to make them feel better. I want to tell them to, " Shut-up, you're making me more nervous." I have tryed to make them informed, but all they can see is the risks! I wish now that I had not told anyone. HELP!!!

Melinda I am going through the same thing. A friend and her husband just told they are against it, people should just change their eating habits. And my Mom and sister are worried to death - I hate to worry them but know it's the right thing for me. And that's what I told them -- I have done a LOT of research, looking at both the good and the bad, and have decided it is right for me. Good friends just have to "agree to disagree" sometimes. Then they just have to "get over it." Good luck Kitty

I have had a couple of well meaning friends tell me that I am going to die if I have this surgery. Well you know what? I'm going to die if I don't! I've gotten to the point if someone makes a negative remark to me about this surgery....my standard answer has become...screw you, but only not that nicely! You know what's best for you and no one should try and make you feel bad about it. So go ahead and tell them to shut up! You'll be fine. Don't let them get you down.

I know how you feel. I did not tell anyone that I was interested in the surgery. My older sister is a nurse and says that it is an easy way out. So when I decided to start the process I never told her. The only people that I told was my twin sister and a few weeks later I told my mother. Neither of them have told anyone. I am still waiting for approval, so I guess they will know the day off the surgery. I just think that people are not educated enough to understand. Marlo

Hi Melinda, If your friends aren't going through exactly what you are they WILL NOT understand it. But don't give up. There are several friends right here who are going through it and WE DO understand it and we are behind you 100%. Something that you might think about is a local support group. I am not from your area but someone who is may be able tell you about a local one that you can attend. Maybe take your friends so they can see that there are many more good results than bad. They will be able to ask questions and get some answers that will help them to feel better about it and then be able to support you more. I hope this helps make you feel better. Becky D.

I also went through this, If I die, then I died trying to get myself back into better health. I am going die if I do not go something about my weight. Ask them if they would like to carry you around on thier back for the day. I always told people that, when they said I could do this on my own if I tried (Look at Oprah). When you show me how well you do with and extra (insert your amount here)weight here then I will listen. Everyone has a story of someone dying, heck the dental hygenist told me her Aunt died during knee surgery. It happens, be happy for me or be gone!! You will be fine!!

Melinda, I went through the same kinds of things when I was making my decision about the surgery. One of my sisters still thinks this is the "easy" way out. The others that have posted before have it just right. It is a personal choice. Only you know all of the facts as they fit with your situation. YOu are the only one who can make this choice. I did not discuss this with anyone besides my immediate family. Now that I am on the losing side all of the others just comment on how good I look and that I am doing a great job. And they are right. I am using the tool God and Dr. Lane gave me to lose weight. It is not easy and I thank God daily for the chance I was given and for the support I get from my support groups and the people on this board. People who have not lived with this surgery just can not understand what we live with every day. I have to end this long post with the fact that I would crawl on my hands and knees to get this surgery again. My life is so much better than it was before. I am a different person.

Thank you for all your kind replies. It helps to know that other people have gone through the same thing. If you had to do it again would you not tell anyone? Just curious. I really don't think that I would! I have not told any of my family, because I know that they would just worry and not be able to understand. A lot of people say that it is the easy way out. How is MAJOR SURGERY the easy way out!!! Like you said, it's either die trying or die because you didn't try. This is my last resort! Thanks again!!

I only told my sister while I was researching WLS and the a few select people shortly before my surgery. Seven more to be exact; my hubby, four children and two friends. I didn't want to deal with everyone's input. This was a major decision. I did my research and made an informed decision. I knew the risks. I knew my hubby and oldest son wasn't crazy about the idea but I told that that I wanted their SUPPORT not their PERMISSION. They respected my desicion and did support me. You have to do what is right for you - NOT them. Tell them to back off with the negative comments. You need support now not grief!!! Good luck! Miss Q BTW - I had surgery on 8/31/04 and I've lost 30+ lbs and I feel great.