Body Image???????

Hello All, I need some help with body image. Please let me babble to get to where I need to get. The kids are out of school, the pool has opened. In the summer my family and day care kids almost live at the pool. ANYWAY all of our summer pool friends keep coming up to me and telling me how good I look and all, and asking me how I did it. I tell them about my surgery and they say again how GREAT I look. The trouble is I CAN'T SEE IT!!!!!!!!! I still see myself as Very Fat and like a whale on the beach. Last year I wore a size 24/26 swim suit. This year I wear a size 12.. Last summer I wore a 3x shorts and tops. This year even my new medium size shorts are getting baggie. All I see is the droppy boobs, huge sagging tummy, and 'bat wings' that could take off at any time. I've taken pictures and put the 'before and after' side by side and yes my eyes see that I'm smaller but my head is still not REALLY seeing and believing this. I'm 25 pounds away from goal a normal BMI of 24. Is this normal??? Have any of you 'been there done that'??? When will I see what everyone else is seeing???? Thanks for letting be babble. Robin Wren Open RNY 11/17/03 Dr. Haldey 218/140/120-115

Oh Robin! I could have written exactly what you did. I had been so looking forward to this summer and being able to, for the first time since high school, feeling half-way comfortable wearing shorts and a bathing suit in public. But buying a bathing suit was a horrible experience, and even though I know I look a whole lot better I just can't see it in myself. For so long I just wanted to be able to blend into a crowd, and now I know that I can't do that. My body is different, yes, but it will never look "normal". It's crazy, but even though I can look at side-by-side pictures and tell with my eyes that this person has changed for the better, in my mind I don't recognize that person in the new photo as myself at all. It's like living with and in a constant stranger. I hate, hate, HATE my body right now, and I hate feeling like I am living in a shell that somehow doesn't belong to me. Even though this surgery has been, in almost all ways, more successful than I could ever have hoped or dreamed, I also feel sort of let down by it. I knew it wasn't a "cure" for the down side of life, but I expected to feel pretty good about myself, and am disappointed that I don't, I can't, and maybe never will. I used to think that self-esteem was pretty much "mind over matter"--something that you can gain by yourself if you want it bad enough. But now I think I might need some professional help to learn to recognize, accept, be comfortable in, and maybe even learn to like my own body. But the thought of facing a stranger and sitting in awkward silence or talking on and on about myself is inconceivable to me. Nope! Can't do it! Right now, I just can't wait until summer is over so I can hide myself again inside long sleeves, sweaters, and pants. At least when I'm fully clothed I can disguise what to me is the body of some kind of "freak". Sometimes, life just stinks, doesn't it! Gotta say though, your picture lis soooooo great!!! You do look wonderful! I can't wait to see you in person again! Nancy Schaffer 306/181/???

Robin I am sorry you can't see how really fabulous you look. Nancy you too. You both have done so well. I look in the mirror now and I do not look as heavy as I am. I agree we look better with clothes on but I see a whole of the so called regulars who look better with clothes on. Hope you two can join us soon. Miss seeing you guys

You are normal, normal, normal!!! I'm right there with you in the same boat!!! I just tell myself, "they're right, I do look great!" and plan on plastic surgery. A very compassionate doc told me that we have a dissonance between what we see and what is. Our minds can't process the information like others looking at us can. I can't tell you how many times I've seen my reflection in passing and don't recognize myself. And the skin hides the work that we've done. If you can afford it, or have good insurance, you might look at plastic work, to get the reality to you. Hugs, Diana S.

robin..i remember when you had your surgery- you have done so well! the others have answered you about the image thing--it is amazing the tricks our minds can play on us! take the compliments and run!!!!! you look great!!! and wow- in 7 months to be so close to goal-i am stuck at 30 # lost at 10 weeks out-i started at 230...sorry-getting whiny!! enoy the summer.....