venting

Well... yesterday I decided to send an email out to all my close friends and family making them aware of my choice to have WLS and my upcoming surgery date. When I first decided to have the surgery I was not going to tell anyone and as I reasearched and educated myself... I also became more confident in my choice and the procedure. I also feel there is nothing for me to be ashamed of so why not tell. My point is I put it all out on the line knowing that there well be people that do not agree with my choice. Right now I have gotten 2 emails back filled with love, support and encouragement. The rest have gone unanswered. I dont know why but i feel angry....even though I knew that some people would not agree. My mother in law actually said to me after 20 seconds of no words "well have you ever tried weigh****chers?" grrr.... How do i deal with the people that just dont get it? How do I deal with the people that think this is the easy way out? maybe I should have jsut kept my mouth shut...

I did the same thing...sent out a well thought out email to everyone I thought needed to know...and my own brother never responded. A day or two before surgery he said "someone will call me if anything goes wrong?" Yea, whatever. I was hurt too by all who didn't respond or *****sponded with "nutrisystem?" like answers. Try to understand that they just don't get it. They do NOT understand how you have felt probably for years. Alot of it is a fear that you are doing something drastic and undoable and they just don't understand that in your head = undoable is a good thing. It will save your life, and help you remain healthy all your life. Dont be ashamed, no one reacts to heart bypass like that, so they shouldn't react to gastrick bypass like that. This is a lifesaving procedure that you obviously believe you need. To the WW remark...answer them, YEs, I've tried ww, I've tried TOPS, Ive tried Curves - I NEED HELP WITH CONTROLLING MY WEIGHT. And there is nothing wrong with seeking help when you need it. Once they see how little you are eating and how controlled your body is forcing you to be, they will see that this is not the easy way out - and if they continue to believe that - then there is nothing you can do. Do it for yourself and forget all the rest. Good luck hun...I know its frustrating.

Princess, Where are you in Licking County?? I am too!! Email me if you would like to chat!

Dear Maris, My children were 110% behind me in my choice of WLS.. However my sibs and mother were very much against it. They said it was "taking the easy way out" and I should of tried other means.. Where were they when I was on a 100 different programs from the time I was 6 years old. I was marched in and out of a dozen Drs to help them find something to do "with Laura". I grew up feeling like damaged goods because of my weight problem. This WLS surgery is not an easy way out.. It is a way out, that requires constant attention to what is going into your mouth and pouch. So to make a long story short no one wanted to know when I had my surgery and didnt ever want to hear about it.. So I went off to OSU alone in the world to have my surgery. But a kind friend named Richard I had met through this group showed up after my surgery and encouraged me. Maris, you have to learn this is your battle and no one will ever understand it as you do. We know the feelings you are going through because most of us had to deal with many of the same issues you have throughout your life. So lean on us.. Vent to us.. Cry with us, and soon CELEBRATE with us as you become a big loser. And you will, just be patient. And the naysayers will begin to come around and see that you did the best thing possible for yourself. But keep in mind there will still be snippy remarks as you lose. My mom will still say "Its just a shame you couldnt of lost weight the "real way". Duh Mom, what is the real way. Suffering forever in a body that was going to kill me way beyond my time.. Argh.. But for the most part people are curious and very supportive. Just be confident in the fact that you have researched and made this decision for you and only you. You are the one who will have to do the work for the rest of your life. And I am so proud of you for making this choice. Hugs Miss Laura

Maris I too decided to not share my decision to have this surgery but I was visiting my sisters(3) and mother and they brought out all this food and I told them What a mistake I had to hear all about my cousin who fifteen years ago had the stomach stapling and it failed. And I decided I will just show them that I made the wright decision Dr Ben Meier was also my Dr. and he is as good as he says heis HA!HA! I wish you all the luck in the world. I will keep you in my prayers. Kathy M.

Maris~ Hello! I am pretty new to the Ohio Board...I am a lurker I am almost three years post op and I did the same thing when I decided to have the WLS surgery. I had lots of support but I also had very strong emotions against my having the surgery from a very close friends and relatives. One of my relatives and I didn't spea****il about six months ago over it. It was ridiculous!! In the end it all worked out but I was very hurt when I decided to make a life changing move to save my life and I wanted and needed the support! I completely understand where you are coming from and I wish you the best. It was the best step that I have ever made in my life and it truly saved my life. Best of luck! Brandi

Maris I know you need the support of family and friends but keep in mind it's your life that will be changing noone elses, so as long as you are comfortable and sure of your decision then stand by it ,and cling to the people that will support your life changing decision, you will find in the near future that it is all worth it and you made the definite right decision. Good luck in all your future encounters with negative people trying to talk you out of it and MOST OF ALL best wishes with your upcoming surgery. I had mine on May 31st and i'm down 94lbs so far. GOOD LUCK AND MAY GOD BLESS. Jim 464/370/Goal 200

Maris, I waited until 2 days before my surgery before I told very many people. I have one friend who was absolutely against it and she'd tell me about people who had had the surgery who had many complications. As I told a friend of mine who had the surgery done in July "not everyone will be happy for you". It's sad but true. My husband didn't tell his mother until just a few days before and I told him if she has anything hateful to say about it I didn't want to know. I have two daughters, the oldest one was happy for me and very supportive. The youngest one didn't really want me to do it, she was afraid of something happening to me. However, she was very supportive of my decision. I have found most people after the surgery is over to be more supportive than I thought they would be. I hope you too find this to be true. Oct. 4th will be my 1 yr. anniversary, I've lost 115 lbs. and feel great. I have to tell you this is truely the best decision I have ever made for myself. I wish you the very best. Take care. Cindy

Maris, First of all, congrats on getting your date scheduled and even moved ahead!! That is awesome, and is the start to a new path in your life. "Try" not to worry at this point about family/friends reactions. I know that is hard, but YOU are the one that researched it, and made the decision that is for YOU, not anybody else. They will hopefully come around, and either support you or ask questions to learn more. I recommend focusing on yourself at the point, that is the most important person. I wish you tons of luck and good thoughts. You are in wonderful hands with Dr. Ben-Meir. I just came home from St. Vs tonight after LAP RNY with him on 9/26. You couldnt have chosen and better doc! Michelle

Maris, lots of good and encouraging words here, from all who support you and your decision. Unfortunately you will always run up against folks who are ignorant about this surgery. My exact reason to get so involved so that I can answer questions that arise, I never wanted to be left standing there with a blank look on my face..after 3 1/2 yrs I still run up against them...the other day a lady in the clerks office and I were talking about the surgery for her Mother in law..a lady who was not part of the conversation pops in to tell me her MIL would not be a candidate because she has diabetes..ahhh these ignorant, ignorant people,...needless to say I educated her..lol Unfortunately making the decision to tell others opened you up for hurt and for that I am sorry.. Don't hold it against them however, this surgery frightens alot of people and it's up to those of us who can, to learn then to teach..to educate, then to impress, the best way to do that is to set the example. When I first told my daughter I was having WLS she didn't speak to me for months, didn't visit me in the hospital and barely spoke to me when I came home..it wasn't untl she saw me changing, working hard to become better..going to the right sources to learn and meeting WLS patients that she saw healty and happy...she then became a believer and a huge supporter of this surgery, not to mention very supportive of me.. She was into health and fitness, running and working out and eating right. now that she is in her late 20's (married this summer)she is no longer running miles and miles a day playing soccer and working out in the police academy, she is seeing how difficult it is to stay in shape. my point is it takes people awhile to understand..don't get an attitude with them but instead educate yourself well enough that you can answer their questions, thoroughly and truthfully. If we can all do that maybe one person at a time we can change this prejudice world..and change the stigma that we have all lived under.."the fat lazy over weight person, who only wants to eat"..and is now taking the easy way out, if they only knew and understood. We aren't going to change them all, but proving we made the right decision is the best way to handle it, and politely tell them " I am doing this for me and only for me" ..make sure you say it with a smile they have no idea this isn't about food.. I try to tell anyone who will listen I have an addiction..I think I have gotten through to a person or two...maybe even a doc now and again..lol remember,for possibly the first time in your life you are making a decision for you and about you..what others think or feel just doesn't matter...not this time!! Brenda