Dating
Well ... I'm not twenty obviously ...but also obviously in clothes ( and yes i consider bikinis clothes ) pretty darn hot ( ty God )
but I'm very scared ! I'm a scarred up veteran of the weight loss wars! I've had like a thousand plastic surgeries.... of COURSE I can't compete against what God generously gave a nineteen year old . 
also I think I DESERVE a guy who appreciates me for who I am not just the physical talent . Im a super artist - an innovative tv producer and actor .
I'm ridiculously successful BUT I can't get with a superficial guy from like Tinder or Raya I mean SERIOUSLY who would ? Hollywood grrlz may have compromised themselves for JOBS why would anyone to get SEX ? Shoot I could get laid from here to the corner six times .... probably with someone attractive.... I don't go out like that
My last two boyfriends were far younger than me ( the first pre WLS and he was a professional athlete a baseball pitcher )
working out with him daily I was the most beautiful I've ever been .... and also felt the most loved .
Our housekeeper used to laugh when we ( daily ) asked her to go to visit her family ... shop at the store etc cuz we needed time alone to exercise the mattress lol. He cooked for me ( and was ridiculously jealous and baby-pumping to the point where we broke up )
so I'm very spoiled . Yes gross old men try to impress m with their wallets and honestly I laff. But I'm not twenty anymore ...!and I see so called perfectly rational guys I know for years getting ENGAGED to graduate students/ ****s ??!! WTH?!
Honestly I don't need a website lovey though I very much your thinking and sweet reference ((()))). I meet "willing " guys literally every day .
I changed my phone number so many times( and so not that beautiful ) .... I just have to get away :(. I never feel safe and honestly I'm not beautiful.... but I'm very scared
Maybe it comes down to " DADDY ISSUES " . My Dad was ( and remains) horribly unsupportive , backstabbing, threatening , cruel manipulative and will literally throw any family member away to control their money .
I look at men as potential murderers who would kill me to inherit what I worked so hard for .
The few relationships I've had ( been alone far longer) were superficial and sex based - and over after the honeymoon lust-phase started its inevitable decline .
I've imagined for a few years that after my parents pass perhaps I could find a tall hot Swede or Nordic type expert sailor and cruise the world with him and raise a few babies . But I also realized I'd live in terror that he'd throw me overboard after an argument to inherit my money and have silence . Every man I know is unfeeling and very dangerous at least at times . They may regret it but you'll still be dead .
