Is it helpful... (x post)
If you can't tolerate someone on the board block them and you won't have to see their posts any more.
This is solid advice. I suggest you read it over several times and take it to heart.
Most of the time people want support and if you are unable to supply that then keep on walking.
Last time I checked, advice along the lines of "this sounds like a serious problem and here is a suggestion of how you might be able to avoid it" is a sincere, supportive attempt to provide help.
Blowing people off and assuming they're clueless is a sign of intolerance.
Sparklekitty / Julie / Nerdy Little Secret (#42)
Roller derby - cycling - triathlon
VSG 2013, RNY conversion 2019 due to GERD. Trendweight here!
^^^ What Sparkle said.
Some people pretend to ask for advice when they're only looking for sympathy/attention. Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if you're willing to accept responsibility for your actions, or will continue to blame others for your problems.
"Oderint Dum Metuant" Discover the joys of the Five Day Meat Test!
Height: 5'-7" HW: 449 SW: 392 GW: 179 CW: 220
This is the "problem" with forums - you can't control how people reply to you. You can only control how you react. Much like the rest of life!
VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)
Age 42 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170
TrendWeight | Food Blog (sort of functional) | Journal (down for maintenance)
Sometimes I believe people are so busy having opinions they forget to think. Sometimes you are just being hurtful for no other reason then believing you have 'it' all figured out. If you don't know the whole story of somebodies journey then ask. If you don't want to ask then don't judge. This is an open forum and you have the ability to write whatever you feel like. It doesn't always mean that you should. Some people will ask for tough love and by all means if your heart is in the right place then give it. Most of the time people want support and if you are unable to supply that then keep on walking. You DO NOT have to reply to every post, even the ones that make you shake your head in disbelief at what you perceive to be that persons flaws.
Kindness is absorbed by people, practice it...it's a sign of intelligence to reach someone with kind words especially if the message is a hard one to take. Blunt, hurtful judgements are a sign of intolerance.
If you can't tolerate someone on the board block them and you won't have to see their posts any more.
In a couple of tired/off moments I have written and said things that came out wrong and were not helpful. Not purposely hurtful but just something that came out wrong. I've gone back and apologized, deleted and regretted what I've said. I'm learning to stop before I post and make sure I really want to say that to the person.
Before you speak think...people don't put themselves out here to be told off, beat up or tough loved into your truth. They come here for support to get through their struggles and fears. They also want someone to cheerlead them on when things go well.
Be kind...most people on this board have had enough hurt from other sources, they don't need more.
wish I had a dollar for every one of these " forum nanny" posts that have been posted in the nearly 5 years I have been. In this forum.
Sometimes I believe people are so busy having opinions they forget to think. Sometimes you are just being hurtful for no other reason then believing you have 'it' all figured out. If you don't know the whole story of somebodies journey then ask. If you don't want to ask then don't judge. This is an open forum and you have the ability to write whatever you feel like. It doesn't always mean that you should. Some people will ask for tough love and by all means if your heart is in the right place then give it. Most of the time people want support and if you are unable to supply that then keep on walking. You DO NOT have to reply to every post, even the ones that make you shake your head in disbelief at what you perceive to be that persons flaws.
Kindness is absorbed by people, practice it...it's a sign of intelligence to reach someone with kind words especially if the message is a hard one to take. Blunt, hurtful judgements are a sign of intolerance.
If you can't tolerate someone on the board block them and you won't have to see their posts any more.
In a couple of tired/off moments I have written and said things that came out wrong and were not helpful. Not purposely hurtful but just something that came out wrong. I've gone back and apologized, deleted and regretted what I've said. I'm learning to stop before I post and make sure I really want to say that to the person.
Before you speak think...people don't put themselves out here to be told off, beat up or tough loved into your truth. They come here for support to get through their struggles and fears. They also want someone to cheerlead them on when things go well.
Be kind...most people on this board have had enough hurt from other sources, they don't need more.
wish I had a dollar for every one of these " forum nanny" posts that have been posted in the nearly 5 years I have been. In this forum.
Right? THIS is what drives vets who have a clue away ... If the OP wants to only hear from the handpatters then start a private group and invite those she knows will pat her hand ...
If you put yourself out there on a public forum - be prepared to get all and every opinion. None of us gets to choose how other people post.
OP, I saw the post you made that has pissed you off, and which has now been removed and at the time I saw it, I saw two posts from people who had valid suggestions (presumably the ones you are now complaining about) and a whole host of "poor thing" posts which offered you nothing but attention (presumbly the ones you wanted to get)
I certainly saw NOTHING that was against TOS or cause for a whole thread to be deleted ...
Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist
It sounds like the OP has a large numbers of friends on this site that she is able to private message and communicate with and they are unwilling to make posts themselves due to unwelcome replies.
Maybe it's time to consider creating your own private forum on OH? Invite your friends that share your feelings and have a safe place to discuss topics.
I'm not suggesting the OP leaves any of the open forums, but creates a new place for more gentle support from invited friends.
This journey is driven by the individual. Lead your way.
I read your post re your ER visit that has since been removed......and I am going to assume the responses from that post are what drove you to this current post...
For what its worth....(and likely not worth much to you)....but the people who write the type of post you have just written.....are invariably the ones who have real difficulties getting to or maintaining goal a few years out...I have seen this time and again.....and it is because they do not handle criticism....however delicate it may be delivered
Most responders worth their salt tell you the real deal....don't hand hold...and really do try to indicate successful ways in a manner that will be well received.....
I suspect you really don't want to hear this...because you really don't want to hear that you did anything wrong ......I am just very thankful I pulled my horns in and listened to OH'ers who were many years out when I began......their advice was invaluable in the long run
