Suggestions, advice, a shoulder to cry on perhaps.... NOT WLS RELATED

Hi everyone, I used to be around here alot but life has really taken me by the horns so to say... I really need some HELP from you all since you are fellow NY'ers as well... I figure that some of you have been thru this maybe and can help me....... I just wanna cry all day long because of the stress.... You see we, my fiance and I are taking care of his mother who has dimentia (doc says its beginning stages of Alzheimers) and it's really gotten difficult here lately... She is becoming mean verbally and is starting to do the "wandering" thing that patients of Alzheimers do... She doesn't remember anything you tell her and repeats things 100 times a day to us... She's also been eating peanut butter & jelly sandwiches or ice cream constantly and says "This is the 1st one I've had today" if you mention anything to her... We also have Meals on Wheels coming to bring her a nice dinner each day thru the week but she will put it in the fridge and eat a PB&J instead... We are at wits end and have found absolutely no help from any of the agencies here in our area... Been to a few now and all we get is the run around... What we need is someone to take us by the hand and show us how to go about getting her some long term care but so far we're at a dead end... I go to college full time and work, my fiance stays here with his mom all day long and is unable to work at all right now because of all this... His brother is no help because he's mad that my fiance was made power of attorney... We have tried over and over again to get his help but he's too busy country hopping for his job... He doesn't seem to care about his mother much and its all over the will & power of attorney thing... Grrrrrr!! Do any of you have any suggestions for us since we are not able to find the assistance we need on our own? It's almost like no one cares in this area to help... I just can't handle much more... I am beginning to dislike her very much even though I know she cant help this... Those who have been thru this may understand how I feel right now... It's just not fair to watch this happen and have absolutely no help at all from family or agencies... What would you do /have you done when faced with a dilemma such as this? Thanks for letting me dump my issues here.... Please help if you can... I am not handling all of this very well.... Chelle -- who is lost & confused right now

just wanted to offer you a big ((((((((((HUG))))))))) thru a very tough time. lisa

(((((((((LISA))))))))))))))) Thank you for that!! I do appreciate it very much... Hopefully things are going to get better as her doc is working on having an assessment done on her and then we will go from there... Thanks for caring!! Take care and congrats to you on your success!!! Chelle

Chelle, I first have to say we are all here for you to vent!! ~Hugs~ I understand what you are going through because we (my Father, Mother and myself) took care of my grandmother and she was going through that and it was so bad for the family.... She would sneak food like a child, one day almost choking to death on a cookie that I found in her mouth, she swore she did not have anything in her mouth..OMG I wanted so bad to just yell at her but you are right they can not help it but YOU still have to deal with these feelings some how! Also there were no other family that "wanted" to help out so it all sat on my Fathers shoulders. It got really bad and we did have to put her into a home which upset the family even more but we had no choice, it is just bad all over when it comes down to that but the family has to be able to cope as well. I know there are groups for support for this very thing and maybe you can search them out. I wish I could offer you more then just words right now. ~Hugs~ Please keep us posted! Debra P

Hi Debra Thanks for responding... I know how you felt too as I am living it right now... Tonight I was in the middle of making dinner and she put the stir fry bamboo spoon that I was using someplace... I went out to look for it when it was time to toss the veggies again and it was gone... I had to go on the hunt of it... It's kinda funny but I get upset at her for doing things like that... I try not to but.... I've been a hot head here lately because I am under stress at work and finishing up my final semester in college... Sometimes I just have to blow!!! It's amazing how my fiances brother just doesn't seem to give a rats @ss about his own mother... Especially since he thought he was going to walk away with everything since he's the older brother... Nope, not gonna happy as my honey is P.O.A.... His brother is a jerk but thats a whole other story... We're checking into some things like day care so we get a break... They have one close to us and it would prolly do her good to get out and around folks her own age... The doc is trying to get the ball rolling for us now too so hopefully we can get someplace with this relatively soon... Thanks for sharing your story with me... I am just totally amazed at the amount of people who have emailed me and shared their stories as well... I guess I never realized how many people's families have been thru this too... It's sooooo sad... I wish there was something that could be done for it....... Take care and have yourself a great weekend!!! *muah* Chelle