"I Choose"

I went out to dinner with friends last night for the first time since my surgery 11 weeks ago and it was an "interesting" experience to say the least. I got a small steak that I had been dying to have (and since food rarely appeals to me anymore I was looking forward to it). It was a melt in your mouth filet and came with home made mashed potatoes that are to die for. I hardly ate much at all, but was very happy and very satisfied with what I had. Unfortunately, I had to listen to the silly comments all night about how small I cut my food up, how slowly I eat, and how I shouldn't spend so much money on such an expensive steak if that was all I could eat. (HELLO, it's MY MONEY! ) If that wasn't annoying enough, I had to listen to my friend's older sister's opinion about how I shouldn't get divorced and shouldn't give up the house and rent because it was going to be just as expensive, blah blah blah. Anyway, I finally stopped the conversation by telling her that although I appreciated her opinion (lie) my decisions were already made. Anyway, I won't be going out to dinner with that bunch for a while. But I was re-reading this poem today that I really like and it reminded me that the only opinion I need to worry about is MINE. Thought I would share this with the rest of you, maybe someone else could use it! Vi I CHOOSE to live by choice not chance, to make changes not excuses, to be motivated not manipulated, to be useful not used, to excel not compete. I choose self-esteem, not self pity. I choose to listen to the inner voice, not the random opinion of others.

Vi, People can be so insensitive. I tell people that only "I" can tell them how "I" feel. Nobody should have to listen to complaints that they have about a person. Tell them its your life and YOUR decision. The peom stands true. Good luck. Pay no attention to them. You did great!!! Happy that your enjoyed your steak and potatoes. You deserved it. Andrea

Thanks, hon, for saying that, I agree! Your day is coming up soon!! Are you excited?! I'm excited for you!! HUGS, Vi

Violet that is a great poem. I am glad you enjoyed your steak, i am still too chicken to try steak. The problem with our friends and family is that they really dont understand that there is a psychological aspect to this surgery as well as physical. THey dont realize that things they say do hurt us. As for your personal decisions such as your marriage they have no business making any negative comments. Friends are supposed to stick by you in those kinds of decisions no matter what. They dont have to agree with it but they should support you. We have to learn to surround ourselves with positive people. Ever need to talk i am here!!!

Aww thanks, Lisa, you are sweet. The thing is most of my friends do support me in my decision; most of them know why I've wanted this divorce for so long and they understand or at least support me. My friend's older sister, however, lives around the corner and thinks that she needs to impose her opinions on everyone. She stayed with her husband, despite the fact that he cheated on her and left her years ago while she was pregnant (for a few years too!). I don't judge her for her choices, but I guess she feels the need to judge everyone else. I never understood people like that. But I learned a long time ago to follow my own heart!

Vi, Great poem!!! Send a copy to each of your friends Your going though alot of changes,physically,mentally and personally.Sounds like they are watching your every move and have a negative perspective. You are taking control of your life and maybe they are concerned or maybe envious, (I don't know) but your friends should be supportive of you no matter if your descions are good ones or turn out to be mistakes.I probably wouldn't say to much to them about your choices if they can't respect them. (that's just my opinion) On a lighter note, I hope you enjoyed your steak and mashed potatoes(even though they were staring you down!!! Darlene

Thanks Darlene! It was delicious and I brought the leftovers (which was most of it) home for my boys!

Vi, Hello hun ~Hugs~. this is the time when YOU come first, you are taking charge of your life and your actions. People around you are not used to that! I know people have their opinions and so be it but that does not give them the right to go on and on about something and I am glad you put a stop to it. Doesn't that feel awesome that YOU have that power now? YOU are taking care of YOU for a change, we ALL learn that as we move along this journey because we are discoverying US. There really is so much to this journey then "just lose weight"....... Thanks for sharing the poem hun and I wish you only good things in your future with your divorce, I know they are never easy to go through and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care hun and if you ever need to vent, laugh or just chat please feel free to email me Debra P

Hi Debra, thanks for the support and yes it does feel awesome to have that power now. I find that as the weight comes off and my self esteem goes back up, I'm not as tolerant of pushy people as I used to be. I stick up for myself a lot more and I love it! Vi

V: Thank you for sharing that poem w/ us! Great motivation to live by! Personal choice and responsability are a key to happiness/health/success! I can relate to the WATCHFUL eyes of others on how much/little/what you eat..It seems to never stop once people know u had wls. (I still get comments/speculation/opinions unsolicited of course! at 3 yr+ out!) SIGH.... Should u eat that? IS it toomany carbs? is it too much? Too little? Too fatty? WIll that make youdump? Are you full already? WOW the nerve of some people who think they are your friends (or family! LOL)...I learn to ignore, I eat to live now and try to make healthy choices..I know my limits and they change day to day..It is really their issue anyways. I guess I have used it to my advantage so to speak! I know others are aware and it makes me aware! I also agree on settinghealthy limits/boundaries by saying things like "Well than you for your conern". PERIOD. Then I move it to something else. usuallyshuts them down! Take Care, Jamie Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh 320/163 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery) Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King "Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"