Need to talk

Hi Lizz, I'd like to thank you for taking the time to share your experience with me. Your words were uplifting. I have made the decision to go ahead and have this surgery, and block out anyone who comes to me with negative views. Thank you very much. Congratulations on your weight loss, and keep up the good work..... Blanquie

I'm having my surgery on May 31, 2005 and I know what you mean. I was taking a cab to pick up my new car on Friday and the cab driver tells me he usually drives my nanny to the train station and has heard I'm going for the surgery. So he some how thought it was now his duty to tell me how this so called friend of his died 3 days post op after eating a bowl of ice cream. Can you imagen? I guess you gotta take it all with a grain of salt and make sure it's your choice wether to do it or not. I'm not going to let fear keep me from living a better quality of life even if the trip to arrive there involves some serious risks.

I think some people need to be re-taught, that if you have nothing good to say, then don't say nothing at all. OR Speak only when spoken to. I don't know what they need to be taught, but I do know that they gotta live and let live.......Right......All these sayings been around for years, and no-one seems to hear them anymore. All I have to say to you is Congratulations on your upcoming surgery, may it be uneventful.......God Bless you and yours......Let me know how it goes.......I'll be praying for you..... Blanquie

Hi Blanca, From many of the posts I've seen from you, there seems to be a lot of negativity and indecisiveness surrounding you and this surgery - but on the other side, you seem to want to have it. The thing is that you can control what other people say, what they do or what they believe. However, you can control how much of that yadda yadda yadda crap you allow yourself to be subjected to and how much of it you internalize. There are some folks in your life who have heard nothing but the negative side of WLS and they would naturally be scared for you because their ignorance of the fuller picture limits them. Suggest that they do a little more research on the surgery before they become so judgemental. Or better yet, supply them with some of the information you have compiled. Another piece of advice is that if you find that the more folks in your circle you tell, the more negativity you encounter, then keep your business to yourself. When it came down to my decision to have this surgery, the first real conversation I had about it was with God. Straight up and I prayed hard that if this was not the right thing for me to do, to PLEASE send me a distinct sign! A real obvious one, you know? Well, God didn't do that so I felt that I had His blessing. The next on my list was my other half who was very afraid of the unknown, but I took the time to educate him and he trusts MY JUDGEMENT so he got on board and was very supportive throughout the entire ordeal. My third and final was my mother. She has been my cheerleader from the 1st conversation because she knows what I have endured most of my life as an overweight person, she knows my potential and she trusted my ability to research this down to the letter and make an informed decision about my health and my life. I didn't give a happy damn what anyone else had to say about it. And when I did come across people who had negative things to say, I told them that I can appreciate that they don't want to see anything bad happen to me and thanks for the love, but I consulted a MUCH higher power on this, I got the support of my man and my mom, and this is a personal decision about MY LIFE that I needed to make for MYSELF so if their fear blocks them from supporting me, they need to step to the left with all that and keep it away from me. I was NOT featuring all that bad talk from people who knew very little about WLS but fed into all the bad press they have heard about older procedures. Ok, I know I can be longwinded but I say all this to say that if you are strong in your conviction about having this surgery, then folks can feel that and even those who are scared for you will know that you did your homework and this is something you are going to do. PERIOD! When people get that type of energy from you, they tend to cease with all that bad talking nonsense. On the flipside, if you come off as wishy-washy and indecisive and needing someone's approval, etc. then folks will feel they can say whatever they want to you about it and try to change or mind to feel the way they do. I suggested this to you before and I will repeat it. You have to really do your research and make a decision about this surgery and if you chose to move forward, keep your supporters close to you, make sure to select a qualified and reputable surgeon who makes you feel secure and confident, and do what you have to do and let all the haters gasp in amazement down the road when the see half of Blanquie walking down the street! Good luck to you! Renee H 387/245/-142lbs.

Hi Renee.... I just wanna say Thank You. Your words are always so great and powerful. I love to read your posts. Thank you so much. You have really put it the way I want to hear it. I am very sure I want this surgery. I have already begun to pretty much stay to myself about the whole thing. My husband is the only one I talk to now whenever I feel the need. Sadly enough my mom is one of those who feels like this surgery is not a good thing. I have provided her with so much information, but she stills believes that everyone dies from this surgery. Well, I got God and my husband.......I am definately gonna go through with this. With all the research I have done, I am very sure that I'll be okay. Like you, I left this in God's hands. I keep reminding myself that if God feels this is not for me, then he will make sure he puts all kinds of obstacles in my way so I don't get it. He will definately be the only one who can put a STOP to my doing this.......Once again thanks for your post......You are really good to have around Thanks Blanquie

Thanks Mama - I just feel the need to speak up when I see folks going thru a hard time with folks around them that can't or won't support them. The decision to have this surgery is difficult. All the pre-op stuff is crazy and then there's the surgery itself so it's important to know that someone has your back and for those who don't, well, you really can't concentrate on that. I know it's hard for you that Mom doesn't really get it and is scared for you to have this. Just pray hard on it, and know that God is going to deliver you safely to the Loser's Bench and put Mom's fears to rest as a result. You know we surgery sisters have to support each other. I received so much love and support from this site, it totally blew me away! So check it out, this time next year, you'll be picking out new bathing suits an everyone will be saying how great you look and how much weight you lost and all those who had so much bad to say can finally tell folks that they know personally of a weight loss surgery success story! Let's keep it POSITIVE!!!!

Thanks again Renee !! I'll be looking foward to hooking up with all you guys on the Loser's bench real soon. I have just encountered a little doozy today. I called to make an appt. with a psychologist I have been following with, and he no longer works in the clinic where I was seeing him, and he's no where to be found. Isn't that something. Now I'm on a mission to find a psychologist who accepts medicaid and has bariactric knowledge.......... Wow what a trip this is gonna be........I'm ready for this though!!! Just a little bump in the road......Got my good walking sneakers on though, so bumps here I come........Look out!!! Talk to ya soon!! Blanquie

That's a bummer - but not a road block, ya know? Contact your surgeon and see if he recommends a psychologist. But a message out here on the boards for others who have medicaid to see who they used as well. Try to get someone who accepts medicaid or else you have to pay out of pocket and you want to cut costs wherever you can. I paid out of pocket but thankfully the guy was only $150 for that session and someone paid for it for me. Anyway, if no luck on that, you can look up psychologists on this site. On the first page of obesityhelp.com, click on "Find A Professional" and then look up "Psychologists" to find one in your area. There isn't much insurance information on there but you can email or call them to see if they accept your insurance. Good luck!

Hi Blanca Listen to your heart everyone told me the same thing they told you. But you know what no one knows how you feel but you. I know even all the support I had from my husband which by the way it was because of a letter he helped put together for me after I got denied once. I didn't give up and I had surgery labor day weekend last year. People told me I was crazy but you know what I feel good and I look damn good. I can also keep up with my 7 year old daughter. I just turned 46 year old 5/18. To celebrate my feeling good and the weight loss I got a tattoo above my butt it looks sexy. Girl go out there get your surgery you will see what I mean. HA!HA!HA!