Stressed/ANXIOUS/bugging out!

OK y'all! a sista is stressin' the hell out. The waiting is killing me and I know it's around the corner. If your read my profile, you'll understand better. I am there but the devil is workin' on me 4 real! I know all the reasons I shouldn't smoke ie. my voice (cause that's how my mane my living singing!, my health and all the risks and the 'lil things like yo' breath n stuff) I KNOW! HOWEVER ... it is a bad habit I picked up when I lived in Las Vegas after breaking up with my ex-finance OF 12YRS, giving up sex and taking my weight more seriously! I smoke cigarello's (BLACK & MILD's). When I started, it was all about only smoking a 1/2 a day! Well, 6yrs later, I am smoking 1 1/2 a day and now that I am awaiting a date for this life changing most wonderful creation for BIG folks to lose weight surgery ... breath ... i am smoking 3 per day! YIKES! the good thing is I am not eating in the middle of the night anymore, i don't eat past 8pm, still no sex (my choice believe a sista cause the brotha's must know when we willingly wanna cleanse), eating healthier overall. I am truly buggin' da hell out! Now my producer called me convinced me to take my bookings this months back 'cause he can't find a replacement for me! Asking me to push back my surgery date when I get it 2 suit HIM! I am **** off! martine manhattan NY

Your manager does not understand! This person does not seem to be aware of what you are doing. You know what is right and do not let him mess up your life.

Martine, you have the right to tell the jerk NO. You were looking for someone when you found HIM and this is going to save your life. He *can* find a replacement - he just isn't trying to, because he thinks he can bully you into doing what he wants. I hope you didn't already give in to that man's whims. Your health is your LIFE.............. just another Angel

MARTINE! I know the waiting and the anticipation and the uncertainty is driving you crazy. Believe me, we ALL have been or are going through that. It is nerve-wracking and the devil can be busy trying to make it worse for you. But YOU cannot undermine your own progress by making your health worse with that smoking. If you are trying to cleanse yourself by eating better and giving up sex, then how can you jeopardize your health with the smoking? Please don't do that to yourself, sis. You know it's not good for you. Besides, you MUST give it up before surgery and if you do it now before you get a date, you avoid being stressed out with having to quit in a short period of time. Now regarding your manager. Listen, you have to do you, baby. If it looks like you will be able to get a date sooner rather than later, then go with what you need to do for your health. You will have to trust that God knows you are doing what you need to do for your own longevity and He will provide you with more opportunities to use your talents to get your paycheck. Good luck and holla at your girl! YOU KNOW I wanna talk to you....

after a long discussion with my family and ALL OF YOUR WONDERFUL CARING RESPONSES I woke up this morning bright and early to handle my business. It's all good. He may trash my name to some key contacts of mine but I will be stronger healthier happier but withstand the after effects. God bless U. Thanks for being there ALWAYS! martine

Hey Martine I am so glad you decided to do you. Your life and health comes before anything. You are a beautiful sista and don't need the unecessary stress. When one door closes, there is always another waiting for you wide and open. Nothing will hold a beautiful black strong sista down. God got your back and your AMOS family is here for you. Much peace and happiness. Glenda