Support from Husband

ooooooooh and PS..... this is no way in hell the easy way out...it's the only way out!!!!!

Last night on We or Oxygen, can't remember which. They had a show called Secret Lives of Women and well the one I saw last night was about women who had or were undergoing weight loss surgery. I know he was listening to it even if he wasn't always watching it. He did glance at it a few times and one of the things he told me is if I have all the sagging skin like some of the women did he didnt' know how he could be intimate with me. I am hoping that being that I am 28 that my skin may possibly shrink a little bit. But other than that I am going to have sagging skin because I am sure insurance doesn't cover tummy tucks and I def. can't afford to pay for it out of pocket. Although, I do sell Avon and I could do a fundraiser for myself if I reach my goal. I think that may be allowed. Anyways, I have a long way to go before I even need to think about that.

A couple of thoughts here. 1) your husband is probably afraid of you having surgery, 2) he's worried about the cost, 3) afraid that you'll get soooooooooo sexy you'll get a lot of attention from other guys and he'll lose you... On the skin issue, you're young, and with exercise your skin will bounce back some, lots more than us older folks, lol. On the "give it six months and you'll be back where you are now"... not if you attend support group meetings, get some counseling about why you may over eat and other issues if you are a stress eater, and not if you're really vigilent about not overeating, grazing, or just plain eating the wrong things. My girlfriend hits her 3 year mark on Dec 12th. She looks great. She feels great, AND she says that she's never going to give in and eat the wrong things again. She may have A french fry. She doesn't have 2. She has 1. Just enough for a taste. She doesn't do candy or chocolate, or other bad things. This was a long HARD struggle to get thin. You can learn from the experience. You can get thin and stay thin. Good luck.

Listen up tell Hubby to get to support group and listen up:) My Jerry admitts now he was worried i would leave him..lol anyway you have 2 choices keep gaining weigh****ch your health decline and kids may not have a mommy.or have surgery and have a new outlook  of life! weight piled on me after kids and due to weight I was depressed and food was my comfort zone,,,Only regret I have is not having it done in my 20's...lol..yes every surgery has its chances of going wrong but you also are in a Risky health risk now! Best of luck and take the Leap! Best Journey ever I was over 347 lbs!

Here is my info I post a lot on naysayers! email me for some articles on this [email protected] if u want in pdf form


It is common for friends/family members to respond to "OUR" choice
to have surgery in non-supportive ways. There are many reasons,
including jealousy, fear, concern etc; because what we do effects
those closest to us. They may be uncomfortable, frightened, unable to
adjust easily. All we can do is include them in our process so it may
be beneficial to us both, educating them but ultimately if they
adjust is their choice and beyond our control. We can assist in
asking clearly and directly for what we need (it is then their choice
to give it or not); ultimately this is our process and all we can do
is be self responsible (w/ or w/o their support) for our journey. We
can keep the lines of communication open, letting them know our
feelings, as well as appreciation when they can offer support. Best
case scenario is over time they can see we didn't take the 'easy way
out', can assist us in our success and believe in our ability to make
the tool work for a lifetime despite its limitations, and deal w/
their own feelings vs projecting them onto us if they are upset,
angry, fearful so not to sabotage our efforts. We do not need police
or critics, we need supporters/cheerleaders and empathetic
listeners who can truly be there for the good/bad/ugly. It is not a
competition but many friends/family can see it that way as quite
threatening indeed. We ultimately can surround ourselves w/ positive
energy and support or negative energy. It is a beautiful journey one
that can assist us in loss of wt but growth in self esteem and
personal growth to a healthier way of communicating in relationships,
it may involve leaving sabotaging and unhealthy relationships so we
can fully blossom, no longer being a victim of our cir****tances,
many times our self worth can keep us positive and enable us to
choose healthier coping and healthier choices in communication and
relationships. WLS can give us so much more than our physical health
if we work at it! Our significant relationships can thrive and
benefit as we get healthier, as we learn to love ourselves from the
inside we will have so much more love to give others, vs the old self
loathing and hate many had....As we work on the sabotaging
relationships and any efforts those around us make to instill us with
Fear (of abandonment/punishment), use of obligation or guilt to
revert to old habits, make us feel selfish for our own wellness/self
care. Learning to id these emotional blackmail techniques and ways to
use boundaries, communication, negotiation either from some self help
reading on the topics or therapy can be our best tool to deal w/ the
changes WLS may bring to our lives/relationships, challenging yes,
impossible no...Sometimes distance or leaving a relationship is our
only choice but better than regain due to sabotage, NOONE has any
intention at regaining wt after WLS, sadly it happens and all to
frequently relationship stressors can be a major trigger to old
emotional eating patterns, slowly they can resurface, after all we
used them for years, it is not so easy to change (for ourselves or others).

For me I try and listen to what they are really saying before I get
defensive, "I hear you are sad because or you seem angry because,"
Sometimes a simple acknowledgment (not agreement) is all anyone
needs/wants. Offer that and agree to disagree, or finally use the "I
feel, or I statements taking 'blame/judgment' out of the scenario
which can escalate a situation.

Be well! It is a glorious journey one we would love to have
assistance on, we can ask but sometimes we do not get, but we can get thru it!
Support can come in many forms, online, in person support groups,
places u may of never thought!