I've cried so much

ever since i desided to have the surgery i've been crying... so much lonelyness , isolation , pain , anger , etc are connected to my weight.. it's been a way of keeping people away from me.. a way of staying safe ( the less people around me the less hurt i have to deal with).. now i'm 51 , no family , no friends , no one to even list as my beneficiary so i have someone to bury me when i die.. i THOUGHT i wanted this surgery to feel better , live longer , look better , but today i thought to myself i need this surgery to change my life into something where i am living not just exsisting... i've always wanted to have a lot of friends , go to partys , trips , i've alwasy wanted to have fun but didnt know how.. for me all this weight is holding me down , holding me back.. when you are so over weight that you cant even think about yourself because you would have to SEE who/how/what you are you get lost very fast.. then you realize you have done so much harm to yourself... it sneaks up on you..i have this feeling someone has died and i wont ever see them again.. i think that someone is me ... the old me. so we'll see what's to come.

Hey chickie! Ya know what, other than the family piece, I've been close to where you are! I am almost 48 and have isolated myself with and due to my weight. 9 years worth of isolating myself! Once I decided to start this process, I decided that I was not going to stop until I got what I wanted. My APPROVAL. I had surgery on May 8th and now walk with my head raised! You're going to do great! This board is a great place to share experiences and make new friends and hell, I even call people here "FAMILY"! Welcome to OH!

thank you ... and best of luck to you too

Good Morning Alfreda, You've made the best decision in our life!! Welcome to OH. I am new here too and believe me I know what getting lost is all about but you know what? This is the beginning of the new you. 51 you say? HA!! 50 is the new 30...believe me, I see it everyday at the hospital I work. Come to the boards you will make friends and you can even find your own angel here. speaking of does anyone know how to access that part of the site? When I signed on it asked if I wanted to find an angel to help me and now I can't see to find where it is located on the site. Anyone know? Cheri, Good Morning to you!! Hope you had a great weekend!!

thank you for your kind words

Good morning Alfreda, Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I feel your pain and it reminds me of where I was 7 months ago. I had my surgery on Oct 23 and I am now down about 90 lbs!! I feel great and it makes me realize how very close to dying I really was. You always know you don't feel good, but you are frightened of the consequences of surgery, the great unknown! I put my life in God's hands and decided that I wasn't really living anyway. I too have no one in my life, no husband, never married, no children, few friends. Today people take the time to hold the door open for me in and out of stores, where they used to just let it slam shut. I guess I liked being "invisible" as it did feel safe and less painful. I realize connecting with others is a risk to get hurt but now that I am losing weight I feel more confident and selective with friends. I don't waste time with people who pull me down, even people I have met here. Be determined to do this for you, who deserves it more than you do? Support is very important, chose the right people, the positive people. Do not listen to the negative. Sure there are risks but feeling better and moving and finally living again is all worth it. Remember, it is only food and all ends up in the toilet. Do not let food have power over your life, there is so much more for us to experience. I will turn 47 in a couple of weeks, June 6. I am still clinging to hope that my life will eventually turn around now that I have finally done something to show the world I am WORTH having around. What a true gift I will be for some special man someday, now the outside will match the inside, a good heart and loving woman. You will get there. Be strong, be faithful and Good luck on your new and exciting journey. We are always here for you to share your thoughts and feelings. God Bless you! Trish

thank you very much ... i know i've choosen the right thing to do.. good luck to you too

Hello hun and welcome. ~hugs~ This is the one of the biggest changes you will have in your life! I know for me it was a lifesaver! The one thing I have to say that the whole thing is a roller coaster of emotions and I am almost 2 years out and still dealing with the feelings! WOW it takes a lot of work but so worth it. I am doing things now that I never thought I would do in my life so it is time to start to LIVE! You have to sit and really think about if this surgery is right for you, once you come to your choice stick with it and left it move you forward! I wish you all the best and please keep us posted! What you are feeling is normal and part of the learning process! Debra P

thank you for your words of hope...