I'm not dealing well with all the compliments...

OK, so I'm 4 months out, lost 80lbs so far.... I have 30-40 to go according to my surgeon. I'm doing pretty well, no real issues other than a little light headed at times and losing some hair. Anyhow, had a business trip this week to corporate headquarters, I haven't been down in almost a year, so of course I saw folks I haven't in quite a while. I'm having such a hard time with all the attention, I just get so annoyed with it. So what I've lost 80lbs, I AM STILL THE SAME PERSON, WITH THE SAME THOUGHTS! This excitedness that folks get when they see me, like I won the lottery or something gets under my skin. Granted I feel better and I'm glad, very glad I did this. I can wear different clothes that are much more flattering, don't get tired as easy, etc... I guess for the first time in my life it's in my face how much discrimination I really was dealing with. People held more doors for me, listened more to me in meetings, in general gave me more respect then I used to get when dealing with work situations. Boy that makes me so mad! I need to get through this so I'm not carrying around this anger, but boy is it ******g me off! Renee

Hi Renee, I'm still pre-op, but I already know a few people who will get a piece of my mind when I "get there". I have always been dedicated to doing my job well, and unlike some other overweight women with whom I work, I haven't bought into the "funny fat person" personality. I am a professional, and I want to be treated as such. If you come up with some really clever ways of dealing with this, let me know! Meanwhile, congratulations on your successes. Joyce

Renee unfortunatly this surgery opens our eyes to what people really thought of us as "fat" people. It can get frustrating but its the ignorance and insecurities of the others you are seeing. Makes them take a look at themselves in the mirror. Just try to take these comments with a grain of salt, try to focus on the postives you mentioned above, how good your feeling, how healthy you are ...The initial shock wears off and then i believe people will start to see the real person inside of you. Hang in there and keep up the good work. Your doing amazing! LisaMarie

Hi Renee, First off, congrats on your success so far! As far as the prejudice, I hear it loud and clear. I related a story about being on a plane with people who were just horrible. But as far as I am concerned, the people that loved me and liked me when I was fat are the same ones who still love me now that I weigh less. The others don't really matter to me. Also, for me, I feel that I project a more confident air now. Mind you, I've always been a confident person, but I feel like I don't have to put up my protective skin now and that might be why I am also treated differently. I hope you can forgive those that treated you differently, if only because they are not worth you carrying around that negative feeling any more. We'll never forget, but we can try to forgive and move on. Take care, Sue

WOW i guess i look at life a little differently, I smile politely and say thank you, i've worked hard to get where I am today! I am definitely not the same person i was 80lbs ago, I'm much more mellow now I dont' have to be the center of attention and the life of every party. The whole world doesnt' need to like me or even love me, the ones that do make my life more special. Perhaps you need to adjust your thinking to the glass is half full and stop worrying about who's lisetning more, opening doors for you etc. how are you feeling about you how do you think you sound in meetings. You can't be responsible for how the world treats overweight people but you can vow that you won't treat someone differently because they are overweight, do your part and others will follow suit. Be Well and Be Healthy, ANDI

Renee: I can so identify! I agree not carrying the anger is imperative to ourinner healing and recovery and longterm happiness and success. Those that become embittered can self-sabotage....I do think we are different after WLS our core personality may stay the same but how we feel, present self and act/feel may appear different to others. I continue for myself to work on these issues as they arise.... therapy can be a good tool! Hugs! For me the ager was a projection of my inner self hate, my inner shame, guilt and such as well.....not all rational thoughts but ones I have had to work thru! For me learning to take a compliment and say thank you and move on is still strange, but i keep doing it! If u want I have a handout on this I have shared w support groups. [email protected] Take Care, Jamie 100cm proximal Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh Albany, NY 320(preop)/163 (lowest)/174 (current) 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery) Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King www.albanyplasticsurgeons.com http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/jamiecatlady5/ "Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"

Girl..... Let me tell you....I know all too well how you feel. 2007 makes 5 years for me and people (for the first 2 years) really got on my last nerve! Guys being so helpful, so-called friends and family members jealousy, you name it. Now, like I said...this year makes 5 for me and let me say this, I have learned to say...to heck with what people think. I was getting comments like...you are too thin...but you look good? OK...which one is it? LOL. Still to this day, I have people treating me like the poor damsel in distress. I have recently been approved to have my tummy done...now what are they gonna do and say now? I really don't care but after 5 years, I still see the jealousy in people...and these are people that have known me...strangers are great! They take you as face value and then when you decide to tell them what you did...they are great with it and and tell you they would never have guessed. My advice to you: Keep strong, do what's right for you and meet "NEW" people!! Good luck!! Brooke [email protected]