Bulimia...

 So I'm about 3 years out from my Vertical Sleeve Surgery and I lost 157 pounds. This past year I had a breast lift and full body lift. I LOVED the results, but had to move back in with my parents during the recovery time. While I was there they "spoiled me" with junk food that I knew I shouldn't eat, but figured I was recovering for such a short period that it wouldn't matter in the long run. I also stopped exercising while I was recovering, but didn't think much of it because I looked great. 
It's been about 10 months since surgery and I'm still feeling a tad sore during physical activity, but nothing crazy. Unfortunately, I've had a horrible year filled with devastating family members dying and difficult personal relationships. I've found myself getting really depressed and eating crap to feel better I guess. Once I eat, I feel so guilty from ALL I've done to get to this new "Me"...so I've started to purge after eating. It is getting worse and worse and I feel like I'm lying to everyone. Strangly, it feels like the only thing I have control of in my life and I'm starting to binge and purge on a regular basis. The worst part is I've gained about 15 pounds back by doing this. I'm scared I've stretched my stomach and ruined the results from my surgery. I'm scared I can't stop eating on my own and am addicted to carbs again.

I'm wondering if ANYONE has any experience with this, and knows of any safe way I can go on some type of diet to "reshrink" my stomach and get back on track. I refuse to lose the results I've gone through so much to obtain, but I feel so lost. I know it would be veey easy to judge me, but please don't. This is the first time I've admitted this to anyone, but this forum has helped me so much throughout my journey, that I figured I'd come back to the basics and see what I can do to get better....
 

I have never been bulimic--at least, not the purging form. There have been times when I wished I could get the crud I ate out of my stomach, but I can't do it by vomiting.

 I know how hard it is to catch hold of the train again once it has left the station. Some people use the so-called Five Day Pouch Test, which is really a short re-creation of your pre-op and post-op eating regimen. Others find a "Two shakes plus one lean and green" plan gets them back on track.

It's my understanding that bulimia is dangerous and deeply rooted and usually requires professional treatment. Your health is your first concern at whatever weight you find yourself. Finding a support group might be very helpful with your eating issues, but for bulimia, it would be good to see a doctor, psychologist, or appropriate health professional. Wishing you strength and focus!