I'm SO FRUSTRATED! (xpost)

I lived this story myself (200 pounds by high school) and my daughter is living it now (about 220 pounds, 5' 6 1/2" tall).  She is active (plays softball in the spring) this time of year, but sooooo sedentary the rest of the year and is a carb-a-holic.  I had RNY in Aug 2006 and have lost over 200 pounds.  I set a healthy role model now as far as eating and keeping active goes, but she just does not want to hear it!  She IS self-conscious about the weight, but even that doesn't help.  I know that kids at school say stuff about it...  I just can't seem to break the what-do-you-know barrier that she puts up even knowing that I lived the same thing and am working really hard to overcome it STILL at 40 years of age!  If you come up with something that makes a difference, PLEASE SHARE!! Lea

She is right because if I was so smart why didn't I do something about it before I needed surgery.

I will definantly share. I know I'm not alone with this heartbreak.

I'll chime in with my two cents. As a dietitian who also practices in pediatrics, this is what I'd tell you to do: 1. Remove all junk food. All of it. The low fat stuff is still junk food. There is no such thing as healthy junk food. Buy fruit & vegetables. Cut the veggies up - so they are easily accessible. She can dip them in hummus if she needs a bit of flavor for them. 2. Buy all whole wheat carbs. Whole wheat bread, whole wheat pasta .... make high fiber, low fat meals for the entire family. 3. Have as many meals a possible together as a family. 4. Don't nag her about her weight. 5. Don't force her to diet -- she will end up having a bad relationship with food & can be worse. Instead, clean up your pantry & kitchen -- have healthy options. Typically, we don't put children on diets unless they are SEVERELY obese. 6. Pack her a lunch. Get food she likes. If she doesn't go for it, then allow her to eat school lunches, but definately voice your opinion with the school about the unhealthy food they have. 7. If she likes swimming, maybe find a gym or a swim school that she can go to in the winter as well. Allowing her to be active they way she wants is the best. Forcing her on the treadmill will only create tears for both of you & bad feeling between you & your daughter. She needs you to support her, not to tell her that she's fat (I'm sure she is telling herself that enough -- and the kids at school are probably telling her the same thing) 8. Get her clothes that fit her. So that even if she has an overweight body, she can still feel good about what she is wearing & how she looks. Her self-esteem is crucial right now. 9. Support your daughter. Tell her about yourself & how good you are feeling now that you are losing weight. But DON"T make her feel guilty for her weight. 10. Don't be critical of her food choices in front of others. Keep offering HEALTHY FOOD. 11. Seeking the advice of a dietitian and/or therapist will also probably help. DD will be able to express her feeling with food better to one of them rather to you (she may also be feeling threatened & jealous by your weight loss). Good luck. This is the hardest for most parents. But, you're working to get her on the right track early. You're a good mom. Don't forget that. :)

1) I don't tell my daughter she is fat. I told her one time that she can not store candy and snacks in her room and can't eat at night. I did not call her fat I said she can not afford to heat like that.

2) I have removed all goodies out of the house with the exceptions of a few low fat items one to take to school and a treat she can have once and a while. Total deprivation will cause a bad relationship with food and binging behavior. Just like putting them on a diet too young.

3) I have whole wheat/grain everything. Believe me the pantry is clean.

I guess the whole "frustration" comes as I have been doing this for two or more years and she is just getting bigger and finding things at school and somehow eating things in the night.

I think that Sara gave you several very good ideas, which are the basis of where we usually start with overweight children & adolescents.  However, since you say that all of her suggestions have been followed, I would look for the therapist AND Registered Dietitian ASAP to determine the underlying reason WHY your daughter continues to eat as she does. Your pediatrician may or may not know of local resources; a school counselor might know, a local hospital social worker might also know of good therapists and support groups. To find a Registered Dietitian in your area, you can start with eatright.org.  Best of luck to you!