Help! Encouragement needed.. few questions

Good Morning Everyone I hope that you all had a wonderful weekend. I haven't been on the board for at least a couple of weeks and feel like I'm fading fast. My weightloss was going great, then all of the sudden, I bombed I'm nearly back to my highest weight. I feel like cr@p and have no energy. A couple of weeks ago, I decided to quit smoking. I did really well, but instead of smoking, I was grazing all day (hence the weight gain). I'm so disappointed in myself that I could just sit here and cry myself a major pitty party. I don't want to die from obesity and I'm really scared that I will if I don't get a major handle on this as soon as possible. 1) When you were in your deepest dispair, what kept you motivated to keep going, knowing how far away your goal was? 2) What helps you stay compliant with your eating plan? 3) Did you suffer from chronic pain (back and hip pain), and did it get better once the weight starting coming off? 4) What kind of fitness plan did you have for yourself starting out? 5) What is your daily eating plan like? Do you have a calorie range that you try to stay within? 6) Was your husband/boyfriend/partner your eating buddy? How did you change that aspect of your life? I seem to have lost my way over the past couple of weeks and could really use some help and encouragement from my fellow non-ops. I'm jumping back onboard today, as I don't want to feel like this for another day. I'm so proud of you all and keep up the great work!

Hello Want 2B Healthier, First of all, you are not alone!! I've been in your position so many times and as recently as a month ago. But you came to the right place to get back on track. Don't be so hard on yourself. One thing I have discovered losing my 98 pounds is that you always get a 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 100th chance to begin anew. And you really can start again. It may not seem like it now, but you CAN and you will be amazed how your zest for a healthier you will return. Just think what you are trying to accomplish. Quitting smoking and "Dieting", that is a whole bunch a changes in a little bit of time. My suggestion in regards to smoking is...can you go to the doctor and perhaps they can get you the patch to help with cravings. Or if you feel like having something in your mouth how about sugar free hard candy or even brushing your teeth? To answer your questions: 1. In my deepest despair (which is truly what it is) what kept me going was fear of my feet being amputated or losing my vision. I ate myself right into getting diabetes. When I start getting too far off my program I reach down and touch my big toe. This toe has no feeling (a result of neuropathy, a wonderful side effect of diabetes). I say to myself, is the extra piece of pizza or chocolate really worth losing my toe? That will stop me cold. Part of your profile states you want to lose the weight to become healthier. So to maybe scare you straight....getting diabetes doesn't have to run in your family. Obesity is directly related to diabetes and the older you get the more at risk you are. I was dx at 44. 2. Staying compliant on my program is helped by two things; first blood sugar controlled Yeah, no meds. Second, I LOVE, LOVE how I feel. I am no longer a blob but actually becoming a woman. I can't begin to tell how wonderful it feels to be able to go anywhere and not worry if I am going to break or fit into seats. Men actually open the doors for me now much more than they did in the past. (And I still have about 60 pounds to go) I LOVE shopping and finding outfits that fit. No longer do I have to purchase clothes because they fit. Now I can because I like them. I love the energy....just being a part of life instead of existing. I find even though I have my moments where I "Bombed" they never last as long as they used to, because you WANT to feel good again, not bloated and worthless. 3. I never had any chronic pain, but I used to have heart palpitations really bad a night. They were quite scary as I couldn't catch my breath. Several times I just thought, it would be so much easier if I would just die. But now they have stopped and my BP is good. 4. I started out very simply on my fitness plan. I could barely walk a few blocks. I slowly worked my way up to 3 miles a day. And on the weekends I swim. A great class to look into for beginners is water aerobics. Your local YMCA or colleges usually offers classes. Don't be embarrassed, just go. You will find that a lot of woman just like us will be there and they will be very supportive. 5. To keep my blood sugar under control, I eat fruit, vegetables, whole grains and lean meats. I cannot have more than 75 grams of carbs a day of any whole grain foods, such as rice, oatmeal, bread etc. I am extremely bad about drinking water! I'm lucky if I get in 30 oz a day. That is something that I am working on. My total calorie intake is about 1000-1200 per day. 6. I'm single, I quess no one wanted to be with a 5'3' 306 pounds woman. But my friends are amazingly supportive. Because they knew how miserable I was and they wanted me to be happier. I just laugh in the faces of the naysayers now. I really liked reading your profile go back and read you first couple of entries. I think that will reintroduce to your objectives. Remember YOU can do this, the pay off is so worth it. Please feel free to email me anytime! Sorry for such a long post. Ann 306/208/130 Non-op

I know how you feel! I just got through bingeing on cookies, last night in my car! They came from choir rehearsal, and I had grabbed a whole bag of them! When I got home, I felt so disgusted with myself that I wouldn't eat any more, and gave the few remaining ones to my husband. Then I ate a Slimfast bar this morning that wasn't even on my plan. Denise Phares

Hello, First of all I want you to know that I emphatize entirely with your situation. The feeling of just being so incredibly out of control is so real to me, the memory so vivid. I don't know what more I can do to help you other than answer your questions so here goes. 1. When I started I was 352 pounds. I couldn't imagine ever losing enough to make a difference. I would think about going to Weigh****chers and losing 2 pounds, and realizing I had another 150+ to go. I used to cry thinking about it. I think what helped me to keep going was to know that had I done it all the other times I had promised myself to do it, I would have been healthier already. I kept thinking of all of the lost times and just decided not to add this one to the heap. 2. What helps me to stay compliant is pretty much two fold. I look at myself in the mirror at night, naked, right before bed. I turn all around and remember what I looked like a 350 pounds. I whine about the lost skin but deep down I am very happy with the way I look. The second part is I really really feel a whole heck of a lot better weighing less. When I was heavier I remember so much the pain of all that tight skin, and I don't want to repeat that again. 3. Probably the biggest reason why I decided I needed to lose weight is because I had bilateral knee surgery. One on March 24, 2005 and the other on April 27, 2005. I couldn't walk. Plain and simple I was debilitated by my pain. I couldn't walk and when I prayed to god to give me the strength to be able to be normal again, I promised that if he did I would work it for everything it was worth. 4. At the beginning I really didn't have a fitness plan. I was afraid that I would stop losing if I starting forming muscle. I also am of the belief that you have to change habits slowly. For me to committ to a weight loss plan and then to committ to an exercise plan, I knew that one would suffer. So I started on July 7, 2005 and by October I was back to the gym 4 days a week. I committed to that after I had lost about 60 pounds. I realized I needed the whole picture, and I haven't regretted it since then. 5. My eating plan is very simple. I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. I also eat a mid-morning snack -- mainly a string cheese or 50 calorie prepackaged wedge of low-fat cheddar -- and a mid-afternoon snack when I remember to do so. Most of the time that consists of an apple or a piece broken off of a protein bar that I keep in my desk. I stay between 1000-1200 calories a day. If I go too low I tend to not lose, especially since I work out so much. At night without fail I have my dessert of sugar free chocolate pudding with light whipped cream. That ends my day with a smile. 6. My boyfriend was not my eating partner, per se. I was 350 pounds when he met me, and he never had a problem with my weight. He never nagged me, never said I should lose and never monitored what I ate. Even when I asked for help he was reluctant. From the moment I decided to lose weight he has been my biggest support system. There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't say how proud he is of me. However, he said those things before I started losing. He is a keeper. I don't believe in the RAH RAH approach to supporting people. This addiction is by far the hardest to break because food is around us all the time. All I can say is to continually make conscious decisions about the things you eat, and never beat yourself up for a mis-step in your plan. All too often we mess up and it turns from one day into one month and we never get back on track. We must remember that we are striving to eat like normal people, and normal people sometimes eat cake!!! Good luck, please keep coming back for the support. Donna

1) I never focused on reaching a so-called ideal weight or losing X number of pounds or wearing size X jeans. I just wanted to get enough weight off so I could fit into a compact car, walk a couple of miles and get my diabetes under control. So even though some people would despair at being 215 pounds over their "ideal" weight, I focused on my health and quality of life. It saved (and continues to save) me a lot of psychic grief by not fixating on the scale. 2) Enjoying the health and quality of life that I have now. 3) I had myriad aches and pains, most of which I rationalized to my being over age 50. Some are gone, some have eased, some have not changed, and I've developed a few new ones, mostly due to the grueling exercise regimen I maintain. 4) Starting out at 365 pounds, I couldn't even walk two blocks without getting back spasms and shortness of breath. I started very slowly, walking five minutes at a time, increasing my duration by 30 seconds each time. I built up to walking one mile, then two. I added water aerobics, then step aerobics and machines at the gym. I bought a bike and will start riding next month. 5) My eating plan is counting calories. When I was losing, I consumed no more than 1,500 calories most days. Now I'm consuming about 1,800. I met monthly with a nutritionist for the first nine months of my diet. 6) Sadly, I haven't had a significant other in my life for some time. I had hoped that would change with the weight loss, but it hasn't. Best of luck. Kasey 365/210 (nonop)