You must be SO proud....

Hi there everyone, I posted this to the main board as well, just contemplating things today. Maybe I am a bit critical and even sensitve today, but, I have been pondering lately the comments I've been getting from people regarding my weight loss. Now don't get me wrong, I have worked hard and I am happy with my loss, but sometimes I wonder at the things people say. My favorite comment of course is, "you must be so proud of yourself!!" Well, yes I am proud of myself, but losing weight is not my most stellar accomplishment. I am proud of myself for raising two beautiful teenagers, I am proud of myself for finally earning my Bachelors Degree and I am proud of myself for being a beautiful, vital and intelligent woman...at whatever weight. The other comment that makes me bristle a bit is "you look SO good." It saddens me to equate "looking good" with not being fat. I always want to reply with, "what, I didn't look good before?" I am angry at society for equating fat with ugly or bad. I am frustrated that in order to be "normal" in the eyes of society I had to not be fat. I didn't lose weight to look better, I did it to be healthier. I love that I am able to shop in "normal" stores and fit in chairs and bend and tie my shoes, and work out without feeling like I am dying. I guess perhaps I am just saddened that society still cannot accept everyone for who and what they are. I was no less intelligent or beautiful before, the insides are the same. I just changed what people see. Thanks for listening. Donna

Donna, You are beautiful whatever weight you are. I do urge you to be proud of your accomplishments, including your weight loss. There is nothing easy about losing weight and it will always be work to keep the weight off. There is nothing wrong with taking pride in your efforts to improve your health. That said, I know the feeling. People I didn't even know came out of the woodwork to complement me. I wondered where all those people were before when I was fat. The wonder of morbid obesity is we seem to get to have these experiences not just once, but over and over. I lost 80 lbs when I was in high school and got down to my ideal weight. I lost 80 lbs or so a few years ago and got down to a svelte 200 lbs. Now I weigh more than ever and am working on it again. Hang in there. Caryl

Caryl, Thank you so much for responding. I agree, I am happy with my loss. I'd take it over what I had before any day. I have never been successful in losing any extreme amounts of weight before. I never truly tried except for one time, and I don't even really vividly remember it, just remember dieting down to perhaps a size 28. I must have been pretty big! It scares me to read posts like yours where you say you lost and gained. At this point in my journey I cannot imagine doing that, and I pray every single day not to. But I don't know what the future holds, I just know that I have to take each day one at a time, and pray to hold onto the strength to keep my addiction under control. Thank you again and good luck to you as well!! Donna

Hi Donna, I've noticed that people do treat me differently now that I've lost weight. The true value of a person is not in how they look, but what is in their heart. The people that don't understand that are the ones that are missing something. Lynette

Hey there Lynette, I am glad you understand what I am talking about. I know that I look at people as individuals more so then I have in the past. I realize that things aren't always as they appear on the cover. Donna

I understand totally Donna. There is one moment of many that comes to my mind that happened to me. I was walking down the street at 345 LBS. or so and passed a mother and daughter. The mother stopped turned around and said very loudly, "why do people like that even go outside?" I of course was mortified. It saddens me that the store clerks at Nordstroms wouldn't come help me before...just the sidelong glances like - Oh you poor thing - there's nothing here that will fit you, really...you should go look somewhere else. Now I can't even look at a rack without being approached by one. I have less money now than I did then! (Not because of my weight, just life happens sometimes.) Now, men hurry to open the door for me with a dorky smile on their faces and I just nod and say thanks but inside I'm thinking...would you have done this 3 years ago? People are weird. I feel a sense of power now because of it. I know how shallow most people are and I have seen their deficiencies as human beings. I do not let their opinion of me determine my worth and if I choose to "bestow a smile on them" that is my power. I probably sound very conceited but it isn't that. I didn't think I looked good fat, I knew I looked horrendous in shorts, I tried to "shrink" into the woodwork, hurried to the water in a swimming suit with shorts on. I don't blame anyone for saying I look good now. I think I do. I know that I feel more confident and that has to show so maybe that is part of it. I am the same inside - sort of. I am just better now. Donna, thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts on this whole weight loss thing. NO-ONE but another morbidly obese person can possibly understand and it helps us all to talk about things and hear other peoples perspectives. Mary

hi Mary, You truly have spoken the words that I needed to hear. I feel the same way a lot of the time. I know that I walk differently, face the world differently. I had a bit of an argument with my other half the other night. We were talking about how I was upset that people saw me differently after losing weight because I truly believed I had not changed at all, that I was still the same person. He argued that I HAD changed, so very much. I had changed the way I moved, the way I smiled, the way I put myself out there. I wanted so badly not to believe that. Isn't that sad?? But I knew, like you, that I did in fact look horrible before, and I didn't go places where I absolutely did not have to go. I guess I still sympathize with that fat person that I was, and will always love. I was her for so so long, I never truly thought I would be anyone else. I don't want to be her, but I don't want to abandon her either. Silly, huh?? Thank you again Mary. Donna

Donna: I hear you. What i hated most was the sense of not being treated as "normal" when I was heavier. That will stay with me forever. It made me hypersensitive to any comment about my weight. I just wanted to be me. So what's a good thing to say to acknowlege the accomplishment? I've always struggled with that. I've used "you looked beautiful before, and you look beautiful now but you are definately thinner." Is there anything better to say? I've been going through a lot of the same thing now, with people saying I look "different" and "pretty." On balance, although I have some mixed feelings (wasn't I pretty before?) I like it, because i too prefer the way I look now to the way I looked heavier, and having other people say something makes the weight loss more real to me. I do wonder though, what happens when the comments stop. It's a big high to have people saying "You look mahvelous, dahlink" But, obviously, after a while (I hope) you lose more weight, or maintain, and this just gets to be who you are. I hope. liz 258/203/196(mini-goal)/?

Hi there Liz, You know, it's funny. I am both embarrassed and elated at the compliments I get. I guess it depends on my mood. I am totally aware that nobody wants to hurt me when they tell me I look good and should be proud. I truly know that. But I guess sometimes I am still that same person that just wants to "blend." You verbalized exactly how I am feeling now. I like the compliments, obviously, but I almost want to sit them down and say "so, what did you think of me before???" There is one person that has never changed the way they see me, outside of my home that is. My co-worker who I work literally 5 feet from for 8 hours a day recently said to me that while she realized I was smaller, and she was so happy that I was feeling better about myself, she had never looked at me as anything but "Donna." Just Donna. I liked that. Thanks Liz. Donna

Hi Liz. I've been at my goal for about 1 1/2 years now having lost 180 pounds. People still tell me I look great which I agree is a big high. The brain change is slow. I'm not to that place "this just gets to be who you are." I'm feeling more like that since I had my tummy tuck but I think I'll have to always be aware of my weight loss and remember because I don't want to go back. People look at our before and after pictures and they see us that way, but we lived the in-between and because of that journey (which will never end for me) I think I'll alway feel different than other people. I'm pretty dang proud of myself! It's a good feeling. Good luck to you. Mary