Driving with cake

Hello folks, I have been having a lot of thoughts regarding food and the way that I ate in my past life. The thoughts started over the weekend when I went shopping to a grocery store and then the Super WalMart. I remember vividly all the times I left stores, delis, gas stations, etc., and bought something to eat on the way home. These somethings were usually sugar based. Donuts, muffins, cakes, pies, candy bars and even sometimes entire boxes of snack cakes. I remember eating and eating until I got home and then trashing the evidence in the big garbage outside before lugging the groceries upstairs. Even as recently as the month before my weight loss journey I would venture to a place where I knew they had my favorite crumb cake. I would go and buy one and eat it on the way home. Such shame I felt in those days. On Thursday night of last week I baked a cake for a co-workers birthday. About half was eaten and they kept telling me to bring it home. I said I'd rather see it eaten there, but unfortunately that didn't happen. I didn't want to pu**** upon someone, as I wouldn't want to have it pushed upon me. So I took it home today. I haven't had a problem at all with eating "forbidden" foods. Truth be told I haven't had anything off of my program since the beginning. But driving home brought back all of these shamefully bad memories. In my old life I would have uncovered the cake and ate it with my hands. How horrible is that?? Thanks all for listening, sometimes I feel the need to share these feelings to let everyone know what the life of a super morbidly obese person was like. Donna started at 352 on January 26, 2005, lost 27 pounds by April 30, gained back 17 by initial weigh in at doctors office on July 6, 2005. Official weigh-in 342. Weighed in this morning, January 31, 2005, at 246. YAY for the non-ops!!!!!

You've made some good strides. The car was one of my favorite bingeing places too. Keep up the good work. Caryl

Thanks Caryl for the response. And yes, it is work, but worth every step. Have a beautiful evening. Donna

Donna, as unpleasant as those thoughts were for you, I agree with George Santayana: "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." Best of luck. Kasey 365/210 (nonop)

Kasey, I totally have to agree. I rely on a lot of my memories to keep me on track. The good, the bad and the ugly. Thank you for reminding me yet again. Donna

Donna, you are doing so well. It's not a linear path, weight loss. Round and round we go until we find something that works. The beauty is, you never gave up. You kept trying and trying, and now look where you are!! 246#--down from 352# when you started!! Over 100 pounds, honey!!! Can you say,"Dance of Joy?" January of last year, I started out at 302#---today, I'm 252#--with shoes on!!!!! Slow but sure, Donna. We're working our food plan, perfecting our exercise plan, and coming her to get and give support to others just like us: the do-it-yourselfers!!! And we are doing-it-ourselves: just enjoying the presence and never ending support of our sisters here on this messageboard! I couldn't do it without you all. Keep going Donna!! We're all going to do this; in our own way, in our own time. But we will do it. Look at those fabulous role models that post every day...Phyllis, kickin' major butt!!! Kasey and Lynette--how hard are they working to make it happen for them. We all know it's going to take time and effort, and dedication. WE can do this!! The power of women is a force to be reckoned with!!! Keep doin' your thing! Jessica

Jessica, Thank you for the motivating words. You are always amazing and full of positive thoughts!!! I do look to the rolemodels and realize I can do it, I truly can. I was thinking today on the way to work about when this is going to stop, meaning when am I going to hit goal and what I am going to do. Then I realized something. I haven't really made a true goal. I want to get down to 200 pounds and then figure it all out from there. That will be a 150+ weight loss and I can live with that. Then I also realized that why does this have to end, why do I believe there is a loop to be tied at the end of this journey? If this is working, if I am eating well and exercising haven't I made it my way of life already??? It was just another random thought in my already wandering mind!!! Keep it up Jessica, you are doing amazing. That's over 50 pounds that will NEVER come back!!! Donna

Hey Donna I had to reply to this. I too went through this, except most of mine was fast food.... I would stop and McDonalds or Burger King and order way more food than I should have ever had.... I would get chicken nuggets and a hamburger or chicken sandwhiches and a hamburger and eat it on the way home then stop at a gas station and through away my evidence.... I still fight the urge to stop every so often but am attempting to break my addiction to food! Thanks for listening to me ramble... Kristin

Kristin and Donna, Yup, the car...I'd eat there too. When I'd go through a fast food drive in...God forbid I should walk in...I'd order a couple orders of french fries and 2 different kinds of drinks in addition to the 2 or 3 sandwiches so it would look like it was for more than just me. I don't even care that much about french fries and I'd eat it all and drink both drinks. Of course one of them would have been a diet drink. The games we play with our heads. Now if I'm at the store and I haven't planned very well and I'm starved...I'll buy an apple to eat on the way home. Mary

Mary I have done the same with buying 2 or 3 meals and eating them all..... confessoins of a food addict.... I used to also hide junk food in my room and under my bed.... Kristin