I hate the fat, but I am afraid.
Excuses. That is all I have. Well I am not going to make anymore excuses. I am 42 years old. I have raised 2 beautiful children on my own. I have a stable job, I own my own home (well, me & the bank do anyway). I am single. I am fun to be with. I have a boyfreind who is just the best! I have a wonderful church family and I have the dearest of friends. Exspecially my DeDe, she has been with me through thick and not as thick! On the surface it appears as if I should have nothing to be fearful about. So what is it that makes me fearful of shedding this fat? I hate the fat, but I am afraid.
Hi Jamie 
This is so funny, I was just talking about this last week. Your not the only one. I came to realize why I was fat and why I stayed fat. When I would hear Dr. Phil or his alikes say "find the reason(s) you are obese" I would respond to the TV by saying "because I eat too much" But in all truth, It's much more to it. My fat has been my armor. I have used being fat as an excuse for years. When things fail, I would blame it on being overweight. When I'm too scared to try something new, I blame it on my weight. I have a lot of issues that I have never addressed but now I am really tired. I thought when I drop all the weight by having WLS would have solved the issues, but it's only scratching the surface. I have read sooo many profiles and just daily interaction with people on OH, I see they still have issues that losing weight hasn't solved. Once you find the root of the problem, you would be able to then address it. Yes, I have things going on in my life were one on the outside would say, Tab got it going on, but they don't know how I feel on the inside. It's all a front. I found the problem, and I am now dealing with it, not only by trying to lose weight, but by changing my whole way of thinking period. Each day I get a little tired and angry because I let myself suffer in this shell that's not me, for years. I get so tired to where I could sacrifice that side order of fries or a soda. Every little bit counts. This hardship I was having with the WLS process, may have been a hidden blessing. When you really get tired you will be forced to face what ever that is you are hiding from in your armor. Until then, I wish you all the luck. We are in this together.
This is so funny, I was just talking about this last week. Your not the only one. I came to realize why I was fat and why I stayed fat. When I would hear Dr. Phil or his alikes say "find the reason(s) you are obese" I would respond to the TV by saying "because I eat too much" But in all truth, It's much more to it. My fat has been my armor. I have used being fat as an excuse for years. When things fail, I would blame it on being overweight. When I'm too scared to try something new, I blame it on my weight. I have a lot of issues that I have never addressed but now I am really tired. I thought when I drop all the weight by having WLS would have solved the issues, but it's only scratching the surface. I have read sooo many profiles and just daily interaction with people on OH, I see they still have issues that losing weight hasn't solved. Once you find the root of the problem, you would be able to then address it. Yes, I have things going on in my life were one on the outside would say, Tab got it going on, but they don't know how I feel on the inside. It's all a front. I found the problem, and I am now dealing with it, not only by trying to lose weight, but by changing my whole way of thinking period. Each day I get a little tired and angry because I let myself suffer in this shell that's not me, for years. I get so tired to where I could sacrifice that side order of fries or a soda. Every little bit counts. This hardship I was having with the WLS process, may have been a hidden blessing. When you really get tired you will be forced to face what ever that is you are hiding from in your armor. Until then, I wish you all the luck. We are in this together. 
Hi Jamie,
I know how you feel. I am single and have raised 4 children on my own for the past 10 years. I am basically a very shy person, and I think I liked being fat because I felt like it kept me hidden. Even now that I have lost the weight, I do have some problems dealing with all the attention. Part of me likes the attention, but there is another part of me that doesn't like it at all. When I was turning 40, I decided that I had better start taking care of me, because nobody else was going to do it. What would happen to my kids if I became disabled? How would I support myself if I am not able to work? So I got myself together and resolved to get healthy for once and for all. Find a program that is healthy and "doable" for you. I've lost 159 pounds (1 pound to goal), and I am happy I did. I feel so much better. Don't be afraid. The time is now to take charge of your life.
Lynette
dear jamie,
Having struggled a bit with my own demons, I had a couple of thoughts about fear. I don't know if they will be helpful to you, but on the off chance that they might be, I thought I'd share.
First, whatever you are afraid of, it's okay. We're all afraid. Put a name on it. Put as many names as you can on it. Because once you do, you can face the fear. It's that awful thinking lurking in the corner, nameless, that tends to scare us most.
With me, the fear was not so much of being thin as it was of failing. Of setting myself up for failure again. Of failing to keep weight off. Of failing to meet my own expectations. It made it so hard to start, because I kept thinking: why am I doing this to myself again? Once I realized this was my fear, I was able to face it.
Here's another thought: to paraphrase FDR--is it fear itself you are afraid of? i.e., are you afraid of facing difficult emotions? Are you afraid of your own anxiety? Have you been medicating both of these things with food (God knows, I do). If so, you may have to begin with the assumption that changing the way you eat and live will, initially, bring up some uncomfortable feelings and urges. The only answer to this is: IT WILL PASS. And you have to go through it to get past it.
I am convinced that changing the way we eat involves changing our body chemistry. This means that, once you change the way you eat, you may be uncomfortable, hungry, euphoric, any number of strange emotions until your body gets used to the new routine. I know that, for me at least, getting past this--getting to the point where I didn't constantly crave carbohydrates, for example, is a sign that the body chemistry that got me fat was evolving in a different direction. A better direction.
Finally, are you afraid of what being thin means? Are you afraid of feeling more desirable? Of having other women feel competitive with you? Of having to do more and be more because you no longer have your weight as any kind of excuse? Of being ordinary? Of having to face how you feel about your appearance now? Has being attractive been a source of pain to you? This is just a grab-bag of questions, but you get my drift. We all have our own fears attached to our appearance.
I'm sure, being smart, accomplished, and having a support network of dear friends, that you can do this! Go for it.
liz (in strike-bound NYC)
258\210\208(temp goal)\?
You hit the nail on the head. I was trying to say the same thing, but I would have been writing for two more days. What I can't understand is, why would we fear to be attractive. It's true, but why? I love makeup but I wouldn't wear it everyday because I don't like to bring attention to myself. Also sexy clothes is a nono for me. I wonder what it takes to get out of this. I've missed so much of my life because of this attitude.
Gemini G,
You know, a lot of people feel the way you do. They are afraid of calling attention to themselves because they think it opens them up to criticism. Maybe you are afraid of people saying "well, who does she think she is?" But just because you make an effort to look nice doesn't mean that you are conceited, or think you are better than anyone else. And you don't have to be a sexpot type to feel attractive and happy with yourself. You just have to be yourself. And it's okay to experiment with how you want to look. If people criticize you, the answer that you give yourself has to be: "I'm just being me, as best I can."
Having been thin and fat and everything in between, the one thing I've learned is how much of our sense of attractiveness is in our head. You have to be what you are comfortable with, no more or less. Not everyone needs or wants to be thin or even trim--and being fat is not ugly. Fat people are beautiful too. Don't be too afraid. you're beautiful now, and you'll be beautiful when you decide to lose weight.
liz
liz
Jamie,
This thread reminded me of one of my favorite quotes by Marianne Williamson.
" 'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we subconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-- From A RETURN TO LOVE
Blessings,
Maren
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