The cult attitude - a mini vent

Hi folks, Recently I responded to a post on the main board. It was from a woman who said she was a lightweight, 5'5" and 225 lbs, with the co-morbidities of high blood pressure and high cholesterol. She stated that her husband had threatened if she were to go through with the surgery he would divorce her. She also went on to state that her husband was a house-husband and had told her that he would get their 3 children in the divorce settlement as well as their house. This really prompted me to write in and ask her if she had really given this a whole lot of thought and whether or not losing her family was worth the risk of what she would gain. She stated her reason for wanting the surgery was to be "thin and happy." I asked her if she thought the two were synonymous. I guess my issue is that there are so many people, 32 others in fact that responded, who said he was a selfish man for trying to keep her from happiness. They also said he was insecure and that he was afraid he'd lose her when she had the surgery. They said he should support her on her journey. Am I the only one that believes that many, not all, of the people that get this surgery are suddenly brainwashed with a hooooooooooora WLS attitude? It scares me a bit when I read the board, reading post after post about the same issues, obviously people not doing their homework before undergoing the knife. I don't want to have this holier than though attitude that I am doing it without the surgery, but I really find this type of excited behavior to be a bit odd. Thank you for allowing me to vent. Donna

Hi Donna, I was glad to see your "mini-vent" as I have thought the same thing from time to time. While I believe that WLS is indeed the answer for any number of people, it is not the be all, end all for every obese person out there. Nor do I believe it is necessarily the only answer for every obese person. But with few exceptions, that seems to be the prevalent attitude of most people who have had WLS. Not necessarily a bad thing but it seems to cause some folks to make judgments and offer advice when they have very limited knowledge of the the situations of the people they are advising. It always concerns me to see people telling others to, "dump the jerk", "take out a loan for self-pay", "tell everyone", "tell you MIL to to mind her own business" etc. when they have no idea how those actions, if taken, might effect the person they are advising. While I understand that we are all responsible for our own actions, I also feel that some of the people who come to the boards seeking advice are very vulnerable and may be feeling desperate and end up taking the advice of strangers. I think it might be good for all of us to keep that in mind if we choose to offer advice. Blessings, Maren

I have said this many times: The physical and emotional burden of morbid obesity is so profound that the tendency is to believe that all of one's problems will be solved if one is thin -- thus the "thin and happy" response you noted. Best of luck. Kasey 365/215/195 (nonop)