Am I Afraid of Success?

Ok, I stopped drinking pop (soda, cola, whatever anyone calls it) in December 2004. In January 2005 I started a "diet" and really changed my eating habits, began keeping a food journal and, about a week after, started exercising. I was doing really well and by mid-march had lost 35 pounds and was wearing a couple pairs of jeans I had not been able to fit into in over a year! It was great! I was a success! I was finally on my way! So.............why did I quit??? So.............why is it so hard to do it again??? Motivation? Determination? Support? Metabolism? Fear of Success? Kandy

Kandy, You took the questions right out of my mouth! I lost over 100lbs, feel great, knees don't hurt anymore, etc. BUT, I have been struggling for several months now. Where does the momentum go? Why can't I get back on track? It was so easy when I was doing it. When and why did I actually start to slide? I keep asking myself these same questions over & over. I am still committed to getting back on track before I gain the weight back (usually by this time I would have given up altogether) but it is really a struggle. I do fine for 2-3 days then... I don't seem to be able to get that "fully committed and focused" stance back. Really interested in hearing what others thoughts are on this issue. Blessings, Maren

Exactly, Maren. I've even gone to the place where I weigh, just to make sure I have not gained it back! So far, so good....but what an awful way to guage it....by wondering if I have gained it back instead of wondering how much I've lost this week. I was doing so well! And, when I was doing well, I had so much more energy and it seemed so easy...... UGH! A few days ago, I made a list of all the reasons I want to lose weight...and get healthy....beginning with "want to see my 7 year old daughter grow up" and "want to live to see my grandchildren grow up" I am only in my early 40's so these are NOT unrealistic goals....IF I can get this weight off and get healthy again! Blessings to you as well, Kandy

I totally have the same problem. I know what to do and how to do it. I was so focused last year and had some success and now I am just stuck! I keep saying tomorrow and tomorrow has yet to come! I don't know what is going to spark me into getting started again. Melinda

Hi Kandy, I have a theory, as most people will, about why we struggle so. I was talking to my other half the other night about pre-dispositions and what makes us be addicted to one thing or another. I talked to him about cigarettes and how they were are hard for him to give up as it was for me to follow a weight loss program. With cigarettes or drugs there is a physciological need for those substances in your body. A drug user feels a drug leaving his body and all the reasons he turned to that drug come barreling back onto him. Taking more drugs is the only way for him to shield himself from those issues. With a cigarette smoker it is a little less severe. The level of nicotine in the body of a smoker is to a level that when it starts to dissipate the smoker feels that substance leaving their body and they need another cigarette. Food has become our drug of choice. It has comforted us, made us feel safe and secure from whatever we are running from, and just given us such non-judgemental happiness. I remember I was in a school meeting for my son last year. As the meeting went on and got more frustrating I started to imagine eating. I was fixating on soft, warm, sweet foods. While thinking of those foods I felt my body begin to relax. Instead of thinking of ways to make the meeting go the way I wanted, the comfort I sought was in food!!!! Luckily there was no food there at the time, but later I shared it with my other half and he couldn't seem to understand it. Right now I am on the right path, and I thank god every day for that blessing. I have been doing well probably since the very beginning of the year. I had a bit of a stall when I had my knees operated on, but I didn't seek comfort food as much as just stopped caring, the pain was more intense than anything I had experienced and doing any program at that point was intolerable. As soon as I started feeling better I went right back on and since the beginning of July I have lost 38 lbs. I had lost 27 and regained 17, so I still had a net weight loss of 10 lbs, which makes it 48 lbs since the beginning of the year. It's not a ton of weight, not nearly as impressive as a post-op, but for me it far beats gaining 48 lbs this year. I think that it is about changing your head, before changing the way you eat. Its all about embracing the ability to understand that food is our drug, and that when we can "kick" the habit we can't help but succeed. Sadly the question remains, how to kick it?? Are we weak because we can't?? No, I don't think so. It is a physiological need that our bodies crave, the comfort of food to make us feel better. You didn't quit Kandy, you merely lost the drive to do it temporarily. I think that many overweight people are some of the strongest people there are. We have the ability to start our lives over again and again and again, in hopes of it one day sticking. We have the ability and the strength to keep picking ourselves up from the ground and try yet another program aimed at making our lives easier. Some work, some fail miserably, but we keep on working. Is it fear of success?? I don't know if it's fear of success as much as changing who we have become wrapped in the cocoons that we have created to protect ourselves for whatever reason. But I remain convinced we are the strongest people I know. Good luck and never give up. Donna

Thank you, Donna.....and isn't it scary though! Because even sitting here....KNOWING BETTER....every day....... out of breath and with chest pains...........when I am lonely, I KNOW I am going to eat ice cream..........or potato chips............or tootsie rolls. And I know..........."don't buy those things...get them out of the house" Yeah, well...............I was lonely when I went to the store too! Kandy

I can only share with you some of the answers I've come up with recently. I asked myself: Why do I want to overeat? I came up with: I eat to stave off a "feeling of deprivation". Where does this feeling come from? From a emotionally deprived childhood. Why did I feel so emotionally deprived? This questioning led me to a memory of my father telling me I was not a planned child, that I was an "accident", because he and my mother had sex one time without protection (condom). I remember my mother feeling angry at him for getting her pregnant again. Why was she so angry about being pregnant with me? The real truth is: She had some dangerously heavy bleeding with my sister's pregnancy, and she was afraid she might die, if she got pregnant again. The conclusion I came to at eight years old (when I was told this), was that she didn't want me! So I felt unwanted, unloved, in the way, you get the picture? This affected my behavior so much that I didn't try in school, I didn't ask for my emotional needs to be met, etc. They treated me differently from my sister and brother, too. All this led to my turning to food for comfort, to fill the void of my unmet childhood emotional needs. This is my truth. Some people start over eating because they were molested as a child. Some, because they were date raped as a teenager. There are many answers to why we turn back to food, even after successes at losing weight. This is just my opinion. Denise Phares