addicted to sweets advice on losing and controlling

hi

 sorry I don't have a picture up I'm having problems posting it by my phone for some reason

I'm in this form because I am finding myself dangerously overweight ... I'm developing some sort of anxiety for ever going out of the house ...everytime I walk and  people even glance in my direction.. I think they're staring at me because of my weight.

 I sabotage any relationship I have my life and it's starting to interfere with the relationship between me and my children... I know it comes from a life long depression and my eating disorders ...I signed up for an eating disorders group and then I never attended..  for some reason I'm horribly embarrassed by this appearance. ..

 I don't own a scale but I can feel and see the massive weight I put on ...every time I have a child (3xs) in my life

I first lose weight and I feel wonderful and once I feel wonderful I put on the pounds. about 50-75 pounds each pregnancy each 7 years apart so the pregnancy is not an excuse at all. 

if I can keep myself very busy which doesn't happen because I'm so depressed I avoid everything even my work but if I can keep myself very busy I don't think about food and I don't feel hungry...but being that I really really don't have a life I feel hungry all the time and then I eat myself into I'm tired and I want to do is sleep I'm going to wake up angry if I don't eat something sweet and I am so sick of myself...

when I feel normal and not in my depression I start dropping 30 pounds with no problem but just walking around exercising and I still eat the way I normally eat but I try to cut down I don't drink soda juice or anything I don't really like milk so I always just drink water but even in my mentally healthy times...I can never lose more than that 30 pounds no matter how much I walk on the treadmill or under the blazing sun of Florida... I try to educate myself as much as possible and no matter how much I learn I feel like I don't know what to do the only thing that really works is if I don't eat it all and then I'm horribly cranky.

I've been looking into surgeries for about 4 years now and I'm terribly afraid to do one because I'm afraid that if I don't address my mental health and depression. i will end up killing myself or going right back to stretching out my stomach and being a beast again has anyone been to the situation do you have any advice

Your instincts are pretty good - don't have surgery until you start dealing with some underlying issues. I learned the hard way and had surgery before j was ready and had a 90lb regain kick my ass. My biggest problem was sweets. I couldn't stop eating them no matter how much I wanted to stop. I finally found OA and it helps me keep my addiction under control. I've been sugar and binge free for 8months. And my depression was pretty much lifted by working a 12 step program like OA. If you want to chat more send me a PM

Do you still do OA? I have thought about giving it a try again, but I didn't find it that helpful for very long. I guess I would have to give it a decent amount of time though. I would love to talk more with you about this.

Yes. I've been around the program for 2 years now. Feel free to send me a PM and we can chat. 

Very interested in programs you speak of however live in country far from any OA programs

any online?

or correspondence packages

OA offers phone meetings and online meetings. Also hundreds and hundreds of podcasts.

There ARE OA meetings online, yes. A suggestion is that you can start your own OA meeting if you have a few people interested in doing it with you. You can get information from www.oa.org.