Gain after huge loss...sigh
Two years ago, I was desperate and decided I have had enough. i started seeing a dietitian and in a year I lost almost 90 pounds. I kept the weight off for 2 years. Then a lot of thing**** me. I started going back to school full time, quit my job, and lost my gym membership. I stopped working out and spent the bulk of my time studying, traveling back and forth to school (3 hour commute/each day) (i had 5 classes, 6 days a week) I've gain 45 pounds (about half) and I feel horrible, depressed, anxious, defeated, and embarrassed. I don't like to go to store for fear of seeing the people I used to go to the gym with (i was a very prominent & fit member), the trainer I had a terrible falling out with (the last time I saw her, her and another member from the old gym were laughing at me), and my family because they were so happy with my success and now i'm a failure.
I'm trying to get back on track, I don't even want to see the dietitian because I know what to do and I'm embarrassed and feel like I failed her as well. and to make matters worse, I went to school to become a dietitian and gained this weight! that's even more embarrassing!!!
At any rate, I'm going to start another journey tomorrow...just wanted to share these feelings in hopes of feeling a little better and like i can possibly do this...without surgery like before. its a long struggle ahead of me and i'm worried i wont be able to do it again or have as much success as I did before. I refuse to buy new clothes or go to the barber shop to get my hair cut. i was such an inspiration for everyone, to go back bigger than all of them is embarassing. it would hurt me so much and I just can't.
ok, enough, lol, i hope to meet new people who are going through similar situations who support each other.
thanks for listening to this looooong post.
I'm trying to get back on track, I don't even want to see the dietitian because I know what to do and I'm embarrassed and feel like I failed her as well. and to make matters worse, I went to school to become a dietitian and gained this weight! that's even more embarrassing!!!
At any rate, I'm going to start another journey tomorrow...just wanted to share these feelings in hopes of feeling a little better and like i can possibly do this...without surgery like before. its a long struggle ahead of me and i'm worried i wont be able to do it again or have as much success as I did before. I refuse to buy new clothes or go to the barber shop to get my hair cut. i was such an inspiration for everyone, to go back bigger than all of them is embarassing. it would hurt me so much and I just can't.
ok, enough, lol, i hope to meet new people who are going through similar situations who support each other.
thanks for listening to this looooong post.
I can sure sympathize with you!! I lost 50lbs about 1 year ago and kept it off for about half that. It has slowly crept back up to about 15lbs gained so far. I am desperately trying to stop this gain and eat sensibly again. It is so easy to fall back into old ways of eating and thinking.
It is so important that we remember this is a lifestyle change and that we have to keep fighting the urge to fall back into the old ways of eating. It is so easy to say but very hard to do.
I wish you all the best keep fighting and I will to.
It is so important that we remember this is a lifestyle change and that we have to keep fighting the urge to fall back into the old ways of eating. It is so easy to say but very hard to do.
I wish you all the best keep fighting and I will to.
tj150, thank you so much for you're reply. I agree we have to remember lifestyle which means lifetime! and although I've been feeling like a failure and giving up...as long as I'm living, i can re-start the process....keep fighting. I'm working on it. I'm going to start by getting my hair cut, scheduing services that make me feel sexy, and starting a walking video I bought about a month ago, still unopened. one day at a time.
I will be cheering you on, and I thank you for your support.
I thought for sure this website was only for those who were going to have surgery and outside of this forum any post against surgery is met with fierce opposition and hatred. Thank you all for being understanding that its OK to NOT choose surgery or for those who don't qualify.
I will be cheering you on, and I thank you for your support.
I thought for sure this website was only for those who were going to have surgery and outside of this forum any post against surgery is met with fierce opposition and hatred. Thank you all for being understanding that its OK to NOT choose surgery or for those who don't qualify.
ahhh.. welcome to my world!
In 2008 I managed to lose a whopping 130 lbs. Man I felt good! I honeymooned with it for about 2 years, and then became complacent. Well... my life became more busy since I could wear JEANS and leave the house! I even met a wonderful man .. and after living together for almost 3 years, we got married.
I have been struggling for quite some time. I gained back 50, then lost 30.. and now I don't know where I am but I am quite aware that something needs to be done IMMEDIATELY if not sooner. My real hard time began when my husband's grown son moved in and I no longer had any time for me what so ever. The laundry, cooking..... bringing food into this house that I haven't purchased in years, as well as putting up with the attitude etc has brought me way down. If I'm not doing chores when I can be alone to do them, I'm hiding in my bedroom eating whatever is fast and handy so I don't have to spend time around people. I no longer go to the gym, I no longer go tanning, and don't get my nails done nearly as much as I should (which is a bummer.. because I was enjoying being a female).
I've made a decison just the other day. I asked my husband to move out with his son. I told him my health is deteriorating..... the weight gain, the sedentary life, laying around lighting cigarette after cigarette locked up in my room has all contributed. The negativity which has come into our lives is destroying me.... the constant complaining, ******g, moaning and not being able to communicate just drives me up a wall.
Don't get me wrong, I love my husband with all of my heart.. but his son, although a grown man (almost 30), cannot make it on his own at this point in time, and I can no longer take care of the entire household so rather than put this on my husband (he's between a rock and a hard place), I made the decision for him. They can both move and I can reclaim my healthy status with hard work and concentration.
I consider it a matter of their convenience or my survival. I choose my survival.
I KNOW eyes will be on me in the gym.. lol I don't care. If they don't look at me and think "good for her, she's getting back on track", then they are pathetic losers that I don't want to have anything to do with anyway. Honestly, I'm not there for THEIR entertainment!!! I'm going to be there to reclaim my life!
Your former trainer is very unprofessional. That relationship was a business arrangement, nothing more, and anyone who's BEEN THERE won't tolerate her laughing at a former client having a hard time. If any of my trainers did that, I would have ditched them in a heartbeat. In a fit state, I did not look at those who were struggling and laugh..... quite contrary, I offered words of encouragement and help whenever I could.
Why shy away from your dietician? That person works for YOU... you don't work for her! YOU PAY HER! You didn't let her down, you fell off the wagon and if you get an indication that you dissapointed her, then FIRE HER and get someone else!
THIS TRIP IS ALL ABOUT YOU.. not about them!
I see you feel beaten up and I feel the same way about being embarassed... but hiding isn't going to get your life back on track and WE ARE TALKING ABOUT your VERY LIFE, your existence, your ability to navigate this world. You can't do it with no energy, and feeling uncomfortable in your own skin.
Take the bull by the horns and do your do!! I'm doing so as well.
God be with you!
Lori
In 2008 I managed to lose a whopping 130 lbs. Man I felt good! I honeymooned with it for about 2 years, and then became complacent. Well... my life became more busy since I could wear JEANS and leave the house! I even met a wonderful man .. and after living together for almost 3 years, we got married.
I have been struggling for quite some time. I gained back 50, then lost 30.. and now I don't know where I am but I am quite aware that something needs to be done IMMEDIATELY if not sooner. My real hard time began when my husband's grown son moved in and I no longer had any time for me what so ever. The laundry, cooking..... bringing food into this house that I haven't purchased in years, as well as putting up with the attitude etc has brought me way down. If I'm not doing chores when I can be alone to do them, I'm hiding in my bedroom eating whatever is fast and handy so I don't have to spend time around people. I no longer go to the gym, I no longer go tanning, and don't get my nails done nearly as much as I should (which is a bummer.. because I was enjoying being a female).
I've made a decison just the other day. I asked my husband to move out with his son. I told him my health is deteriorating..... the weight gain, the sedentary life, laying around lighting cigarette after cigarette locked up in my room has all contributed. The negativity which has come into our lives is destroying me.... the constant complaining, ******g, moaning and not being able to communicate just drives me up a wall.
Don't get me wrong, I love my husband with all of my heart.. but his son, although a grown man (almost 30), cannot make it on his own at this point in time, and I can no longer take care of the entire household so rather than put this on my husband (he's between a rock and a hard place), I made the decision for him. They can both move and I can reclaim my healthy status with hard work and concentration.
I consider it a matter of their convenience or my survival. I choose my survival.
I KNOW eyes will be on me in the gym.. lol I don't care. If they don't look at me and think "good for her, she's getting back on track", then they are pathetic losers that I don't want to have anything to do with anyway. Honestly, I'm not there for THEIR entertainment!!! I'm going to be there to reclaim my life!
Your former trainer is very unprofessional. That relationship was a business arrangement, nothing more, and anyone who's BEEN THERE won't tolerate her laughing at a former client having a hard time. If any of my trainers did that, I would have ditched them in a heartbeat. In a fit state, I did not look at those who were struggling and laugh..... quite contrary, I offered words of encouragement and help whenever I could.
Why shy away from your dietician? That person works for YOU... you don't work for her! YOU PAY HER! You didn't let her down, you fell off the wagon and if you get an indication that you dissapointed her, then FIRE HER and get someone else!
THIS TRIP IS ALL ABOUT YOU.. not about them!
I see you feel beaten up and I feel the same way about being embarassed... but hiding isn't going to get your life back on track and WE ARE TALKING ABOUT your VERY LIFE, your existence, your ability to navigate this world. You can't do it with no energy, and feeling uncomfortable in your own skin.
Take the bull by the horns and do your do!! I'm doing so as well.
God be with you!
Lori
Lori,
I JUST had this conversation with my husband yesterday! He asked why I haven't gotten my hair cut or bought new clothes. I told him I was such an inspiration to a lot of people and to now be such a failure i'm embarrassed to show my face back at the hair salon. I have not gotten my hair cut in almost a year! He said to me if I don't buy any clothes or do things that make me feel nice, I'll never feel good enough to make changes or be worthy to lose weight again. You guys are both right. So, I scheduled an appointment to get my hair cut. I hope I remember that as long as I am living, there's always a chance I can go back to being healthy and successful. thank you so much for your post
I JUST had this conversation with my husband yesterday! He asked why I haven't gotten my hair cut or bought new clothes. I told him I was such an inspiration to a lot of people and to now be such a failure i'm embarrassed to show my face back at the hair salon. I have not gotten my hair cut in almost a year! He said to me if I don't buy any clothes or do things that make me feel nice, I'll never feel good enough to make changes or be worthy to lose weight again. You guys are both right. So, I scheduled an appointment to get my hair cut. I hope I remember that as long as I am living, there's always a chance I can go back to being healthy and successful. thank you so much for your post
Amen Sistah! Your lifestyle took you down a road which was detrimental to your well being... now.. CHANGE YOUR LIFESTYLE and do what needs to be done for YOU!
Yanno... an alcoholic could fall off the wagon 10 times.... does that mean they can't get back on again and take control?
Who in the world told you that you are a FAILURE?!?
Sweetie.. if it was you............. then stop talking to yourself!~! lol
right on! thank you so much....for the first time in months I did a walking video by leslie sansone (sp) 5 miles! my 7 year old daughter supported me and did it with me....i cried and hugged her at the end. she's so loving and supportive. Thanks to you guys for encouraged me and helping overcome my mental issues.
after checking out the forums on mfp, I'm going to print out a calendar for the month and plan out my meals for June. i'm going to add a 3 day juice fast once a month. I like that idea. I've done them before and three days is easily doable and refreshing!!!
I have changed my attitude about the dietitian. I'm still not going to see them because you knwo what, it's not about knowledge. I committed to one year with her last time and I'm going to school to be a dietitian AND i've seen her off and on several times in the past. I need to do this completely on my own with the knowledge I have and that way i will be able to always get myself back on track without help. plus when i did see her, she was more of my therapist and less of my dietitian because i already knew what to do. I had seen her for 3 years off and on prior to my one year commitment.
I have a renewed spirit with the lovely support I've gotten and with mfp website as well. I'm also watching a 400 lb lady do her weighloss journey on youtube and she's inspiring as well.
I actually for the first time in a LONG time, feel like I can do it!!!
THANK YOU!!!
I have changed my attitude about the dietitian. I'm still not going to see them because you knwo what, it's not about knowledge. I committed to one year with her last time and I'm going to school to be a dietitian AND i've seen her off and on several times in the past. I need to do this completely on my own with the knowledge I have and that way i will be able to always get myself back on track without help. plus when i did see her, she was more of my therapist and less of my dietitian because i already knew what to do. I had seen her for 3 years off and on prior to my one year commitment.
I have a renewed spirit with the lovely support I've gotten and with mfp website as well. I'm also watching a 400 lb lady do her weighloss journey on youtube and she's inspiring as well.
I actually for the first time in a LONG time, feel like I can do it!!!
THANK YOU!!!
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