at a speed bump, and I need support...

my history. I love starting a new "diet" love the first 2-3 weeks of workingout! i get a "high" feeling and the muscle soreness is verry little. but with every other time I have tried to loose weight I hit a speed bump, lose all motivation and either give up and gain back or just plain give up and stop trying.

Last Aug I lost my insurance to get the band. My friends wife AKA "wify" (whom I despise, sorry i just do) decided she wanted to loose weight also. we were going to do a challange but never did the initial weigh in. But I lost weight, about 40lbs. I was estatic. then I couldnt go to the gym. every possable excuse you can think og I had, then it was "I'll start back on..." but that never came, then the holiday**** Wify signed up for WLS and for some reason my motivation came back, full force.
Yes I have a sadistic side and that side is in full force mode!

2 weeks ago I started going back to the gym 5 days a week, I had a tooth pain I was on a liquid diet, then jusy couldnt eat... I lost 10 lbs, the 5 I gained back from the holidays, and 5 more. I also did my measurements, I had lost about 10 inches off my body, but gained back about 4! Alass I have hit my road block! with out air bags!!!

I had to start eating again, i was/am never hungry, I still went to the gym but would be there either fewer times in the week or for less time when I was there... I gained back 6lbs!!!!! to top it off my friend informes me how much his wife is losing on a regular basis...
A) I am okay with WLS if you are doing it for your health, she got it because she "wanted to look good" B) my friend doesnt know comments like that bother me.

LOGICALLY I know that she is going to lose faster due to her WLS, logically I know my lbs are going to flucuate because of A) my cycle, and B) I am weight lifting 3x a week.

ILLOGICALLY- I wanna see results! I want to eat every sweet in sights. I look in my pantry though and try something... nothing satisfies my hunger. SO, io walk away. I yell at myself in the mirror when I dont go tot the gym every morning. I berate myself when I dont spend as much time on the treadmill.... all the distructive behavior that will make me not want to go anymore, and thus END my weightloss...

I have family that tells me I am losing weight and I should keep it up. As I have said I know what is logical, and illogical, but try as I may, I feel bad about not losing as much as she is, or at all right now! I want to stop going because if I am not "dieting" then there is nothing for me to compare her to.

Im sorry if this is hard to follow, in short... I am at the point in my regiment, that I usually quit. I need support to keep up the exercise.

I've been struggling with being overwieght my whole life and at 32 I'm beginning to realize that weight struggles are like any other "addition".  Some people smoke, some do drugs, some starve, some cut, and some of us eat!  I've always wondered what was wrong with me?  Why was I so heavy and I'm starting to realize more and more that I consistantly have the "I can't do it" attitude and that's just bringing me down.

Since September I've been in the process of getting my clearances for gastric bypass but the more I research the less I want to do it and I'm really doing my best to work through my psychological issues with food.  So many people that have had this surgery say that it may force you to eat less and for the first year or two the weight just poors off, BUT.... everything has a price.  Unless your friend works on the mental portion of her being overweight; chances are her WLS will fail her in 5 years, because as soon as she's able to go back to eating the things she used to there's a good chance she will. 

I'm not saying all people do... not by any means because I have several family members who've done the surgery with great success, but for me... I'm just beginning to really question whether I want to do it.  There are just so many unknowns, and no two people have the same experience.

I think if you've lost 30 lbs already on your own to keep it up.  Something I'm starting to realize that I have always ignored is the fact that I'M IMPORTANT, and the I CAN DO THIS.  I have expressed all of this with my family and they are all on board with helping me do this.  It can be done. 

Not sure if you've ever watched the Biggest Loser on NBC Tuesday nights.  It's very inspiring... it's all about digging deep inside and really telling yourself you are so worth this!

Good luck to you...