I think I'm finally doing it!

Okay this may not seem like a big deal but for a whole seven days now I have managed to "diet." I hate to use that word because it just seems so negative to me but whatever lol!

Just like all the other times I've ever managed to lose weight before it just sort of happened seemingly out of nowhere (kind of). I've been trying to cut down on my eating for so long now and the more I'd try the more I'd stress out and binge. The longest I've made it is about three days in a row without giving up from feeling so overwhelmed at how much I have to lose which is over one hundred pounds.

For whatever reason the first five days flew by and I did so well. I was able to each much less than I normally would and to pass up the junk I would normally eat. Then yesterday came and I am HUNGRY again.

If the Wii Fit is right I had lost 6.4 pounds as of a couple of days ago and then gained 2 and a half as of yesterday which makes no sens! So I've been doing really well. It always just sort of drops off at first it seems.

Don't get me wrong I'm estatic about what I'm doing because I already feel better than I have in years. I can already feel the difference being out of that sort of icky food fog you get in when you are stuffing yourself full of crap all the time. Still I am having a hard time.

The thing is I know from years of losing and gaining that I can't crash diet, that it won't work in the long run, so I'm trying not to do that. However whenever I so much as try to cut back I get this weird sort of fear come over me. Like I  just sort of have to eat the bare minimum or I'm afraid I'll go nuts and not be able to stop eating again. I'm guessing some of you can understand what I'm talking about.

I've had what I would call disordered eating patterns all of my life. Either restricting or gorging is usually where I'm at with eating. Of course either way I feel like crap. Living either one of those ways is something that just seems to over take my life. I don't want to be constantly thinking about food. It's like I'm either thinking about what I'm going to stuff myself with or what I can't eat and I'm so tired of those extremes.

Have any of you felt this way? I'm really trying this time around to just allow myself to chill out a bit. Like tonight I was making chipped beef for my family which is total comfort food for me. I freaked out inside because I felt like I absolutely had no business eating it and planned on just eating a frozen meal or something like that. Then I thought about it for awhile and realized that normally I would probably eat two big plates of it till I felt like I was going to pop. I figured that I would have a much smaller amount and have it on whole wheat toast instead of the biscuits my family was having. I was truly terrified that I wouldn't be able to stop eating and that I would "fall off the wagon" so to speak and all my hard work would be lost.

However supper has come and gone and I'm still here. I did not go insane with the chipped beef. I had a decent size portion of it along with some streamed broccoli and I feel satisfied. I would be lying if I didn't feel a tinge of guilt thinking that I didn't do good enough as my skinny best friend would say. For her she's not doing good enough unless she barely eats anything or if she so much as walks near a carb! Sometimes I feel like if I'm not eating that way then I'm not doing it right.

BUT...I don't want to live the rest of my life eating something other than what I made for my family. I don't want to be afraid to sit down and eat a normal meal. So can you guys tell me if I'm just delusional here or if maybe I really made a little progress in the right direction tonight? Should I have just said no to the comfort food or was having a normal dinner okay? Deep down I feel like I did the right thing but the diet freak inside is telling me I ate too much!!!!

All I want is to lose enough weight to play with my children and buy plus size clothes in a store. These days I've gotten just past the biggest plus size they carry in the store and have to order on line which is a nightmare. I just want to lose enough to feel like I'm 31 and not 61 physically. I don't feel the need to try to fit into a tiny size or have a perfetctly toned stomach anymore. I just want to feel better....to feel normal. I'm so tired of extremes and I feel like tonight was really a big step for me. Then again I'm still sitting here in fear that I could undo this whole last week of excellent work in an instant, after all I haven't lasted this long in years!!!Anyone care to discuss? Am I the only one this messed up in the head with eating issues?

 
I think as a fat population we have to relearn what normal is.  What is a normal dinner?  You know what?  Chipped beef on biscuits is typical but it's not normal.  It is the kind of food that got us fat.

We can't live without fat in our diets but we can live without flour or sugar.  I'm not talking Atkins here, I'm talking flour and sugar.  In no way do we need those foods yet that is what we consume anyway. Well, I don't... that's one of the changes I made post op.  I can honestly tell you that I have not purchased a bag of flour of a bag of sugar since my surgery and that was 4 years ago. The more white carbs you eat the more you crave and the hungrier you are.

If you want a carb, eat beans.  Don't even buy bread, flour, or pasta.  Nobody needs it.  Children certainly don't.  We have to totally change our entire way of thinking about food.  I will never forget this one lady posting on the band boards a long time ago.  She was having a rough time because she couldn't pass up the cookies each time she walked by them but she couldn't get rid of them, it wouldn't be fair to the kids not to have cookies in the house.

Since when isn't it fair to not feed kids flour, sugar, bad fats, and preservatives?  It's okay not to load your house with poor food choices.  Out of sight out of mind... yeah, I know.  Easier said than done.  But it can happen with time.

Our population, we need to relearn what normal really is.