Why I HATE the "buddy" system

We all know what the buddy system is right? A group at work decides to walk together @ lunch, you join WW with family members,  weight loss "challenges", gym partners blah blah, blah. For years I'd watch friends, coworkers, relatives jump on a bandwagon together and fall off together. It's long left me VERY leery of the "buddy system"

I only seriously attempted to lose weight for the first tie in my late 20's. I knew hands down from watching those buddy systems crash & burn I would never involve myself in the various "buddy" systems. I have and probably always will eat lunch alone- b/c I don't want to hear noise from someone about the latest plan they are following and why its the best thing since sliced bread. I'm glad it works for them... but the I can't take the extra information in cause it makes me doubt me and the decisions I make b/c I know what's best for me. People know not to ask me to join them for walking clubs- or the current rage in my office--- using dumbbells for light workout on breaks. It all just messes me up from what I know works for me. 

What I couldn't plan for is me becoming an inspiration to others and them wanting to jump on my personal bandwagon I've worked so hard as not even starting!

Case in point... I've inspired my sister to begin working on her weight. I'm SOOO glad she did..but I don't like where this is heading. Constant talk about goals, what I ate, what you ate; what'd she lost, what I lost. UGG! I'm finding myself getting discouraged if I'm not on pace with her or guilty if I out pace her! Two quickly defeating emotions that don't need to be a part of any weight loss plan!!! 

I know a lot of people do great, or even better with support...but I'm a loner by nature.

Dear Peachpie,
 I totally understand. I am strong willed and a loner by nature as well and I also do not, and never have cared for "the buddy system".  I too struggled with this, including with my sister.I felt guilty for feeling this way because I was so grateful to God for pulling me out of myself and showing me who He truely made me to be. What God showed me is that I am not responsible for other people's journey only my own. I pass on the knowledge and experience that has been given to me but I do not connect myself to it. I will be supportive, but I also will draw lines that I do not cross. Weight issues are usually more about inner hurts than about food. So even the most perfect weight plan in the world won't stick if you yourself don't realize why you are overweight. I am resolved that I cannot fix anybody but me, and I can't even do that (Lord knows I've tried) without God's help. I will answer whatever questions people have, I will be supportive but I will not let it affect what I know about myself or what works for me. I just tell people that each journey is individual and what worked for me may not work for them. They have to heal their hurts and find a healthy, liveable lifestyle that will afford them personal sucess. A lifestyle that they can stick to and live with forever. I don't know what your situation is with your sister, but for me, I have always been "the fat sister" and she has always been "the skinny sister". She has recently gained about 30lbs and is for the first time in her life really struggling with her weight. I am much thinner and in much better shape than she is and I know this hurts her and makes her feel like less. I felt really bad about this at first, but then I realized that by feeling bad and poisoning myself, I'm not helping her and I'm definitely not helping myself. So I don't allow myself to do that anymore. I am straight forward with her. I help as much as I am able but do not sabotage myself to do it. I have learned that if you don't take care of yourself,  you will not be well to ever help anyone else. For this reason, it is not selfishness. I don't know what your faith is, but I give glory to God for my sucesses and because of that feel it is an honor to pass on what I've learned but not to the point that it makes me sick again. God does want me to use what He showed me, but not to the point that end up back where I was. Hope this encourages you. Take care and God bless you and your journey.

Thanks for posting this.  It gives me something to think about.  I myself am a loner for almost every part of my life. I barely even socialize. For some reason since the buddy system is so much used on weight loss, I just always "want" or feel like I "need" another person to do it with me.  But then when I have another person with me, I don't tend to do well or I don't like it some way or another. 

 We suppose to lose weight for our self, not anyone else. Think this is the most important lesson of this.  Forget everyone else, and do it for YOU.  We can't change other people, we can only guide them and hope they make the right decisions.  

I really liked this...perfect timing for me. Thanks :)

. . . Perfect timing for me, too!

I know how you feel, Peach!  And I thank my OH friends like Sandi who have helped inspire me and show me how to be active for life. 

And I was *always* the "skinny" sister up until about 5 years ago.  I felt all the emotions Sandi talked about, but reversed.  My sister is very supportive of my changes, and I'm so thankful that it's this way, and not any kind of sabotage or emotional blackmail. 

Big Hugs, Peachie!

Ooooh Peachpie - what a great post. Shedding weight really isn't a good team sport for me either.

I'm wondering if your sister is so gung ho because she is starting the diet and it's new and fresh and she is excited about it - in a short while maybe she will tire of talking about it all the time? Tough spot for you - maybe you can discuss your feelings about this with her? (((HUGS)))

I'm kind of on the fence about this one.  My very best friend is/was about as overweight as I am.  She is however, one of these people who can make up her mind to do something and nothing stops her!  She joined WW 1/16/10 and has lost  56lb so far....just has never strayed from the program and exercises like crazy.  We have done diets together in the past and seeing her be so dedicated really inspired me.  I swore I would never join WW again, but seeing her be so successful has motivated me once again.  I'm not able to exercise like she does, and get led astray more easily  , but the determination is there this time and I really see myself incorporating a lot of healthy changes in my life.  Of course, I started three months after she did but it helps that we're both doing it together and can be supportive of one another as the four of us (hubbies included) go out to eat about once/week.

I also started paying for WW for my daughter, who has about 50lb to lose.  She says that feeling that obligation to me to succeed has really inspired her and we are a great support system for one another.  She was really a couch potato and is now walking a 5K about 5 days/week.

For me....I think it truly helps to have that support and a little bit of competition to boot.  I'm a very competitive person and while I may not lose as quickly as some, it really helps to keep me motivated.

You need to do what is best for you.  We all need to find our own keys to our success.  I see your points about making you doubt your decisions and jumping on diff rent band wagons mid-stream. 

Your post helps me to understand some of my friends who i believe are like you.  They do not want my help or suggestions and now that you have enlightened me I am going to back all the way off unless they mention weight related issues.  Thanks for enlightenment!