Losing Control

Hi Folks... I'm sorta new here.. but not really.

I don't recognize any of the names I see, but I was hanging around about 2 years ago when Mary and Neecee and all them were here.. so ladies, if you are here... I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAck.

I started off at about 325 lbs, and had managed to lose down to 200 by sticking as close to atkins as possible.  My area of resistence has always seemed to be around 215.  Well.. after the holidays, some stress.. and loss of control, I find myself back around 230 and frankly I'm getting scared.

At 215 I went and saw an endocrinologist for my diabetes who said I was managing it fine, but gave me a synthetic amalyn (symlin) to inject 1/2 hour to an hour between meals... nevermind that I keep forgetting, but yesterday alone I had almost a whole package of cookies. 

I've been indulging in bread and I'm getting used to it. 

My worst feaer is to be back up around 300 lbs again.

My entire life turned around when I lost all that weight.  I can move, I can exercise (although lately I find every excuse under the sun why I can't find the time.  I now have a GREAT guy in my life... not someone I thought I would have ever deserved in my condition who has 3 grown children who always have some sort of drama going on.  I believe this is a contributing factor to the stress, but as my shrink says.. don't throw out the baby with the bathwater.  The man is good to me.. but my lawd, there's so much drama that seems to migrate from HIS house (where they all live) to MY house where this man lives with me. 

The eating has just got out of hand.... and this was the ONLY place that gave me much insight, inspiration and will to want to lose that I thought maybe I could come back and find even a little of that to get going again.

Honesly, I was beginning to really like my life.  Illnesses were under control, I felt strong, and even (if you knew me you'd know what a big deal this is) took a class at our local technical college for phlebotomy.    I've recently begun to engage in some business ventures again (after not working for 3 or 4 years because my body would hardly let me WALK, nevermind work....yet now I'm losing the control.

I did engage the help of a therapist I see weekly.. and have been for two years....but I feel I'm not getting much out of it.

Words of wisdom, encouragement and maybe even a kick in the azz would be greatly appreciated!

I just want to get back to doing my do..... help.

Lori

OH PS.. recently I called a bariatric surgeon in the area figuing that this might be my last chance, but was refused because I smoke.  Yes.. I smoke, and I am not even close to willing to quit while I have this weight on me in fear that the weight gain I'll suffer will be even greater than what I'm dealing with now...............

Hey there Lori,

First of all HUGS!  I was wondering where you fell off the planet.  I'm glad you are alright.  I was a little worried about you!  I'm so sorry though that you are having troubles.  You know...this is why I don't like taking out a whole food group.  Once you start binging on it, it's hard to stop!  I'm not sure if that is totally your case, but it seems like you might be heading there.  Just an idea, but how about if you just stick with whole grains, and portion them?  Your body might react to them a little, but it will find it's happy medium I would think.  Your bodies in shock letting yourself eat all those goodies.

Awe Lori, you worked so hard to get where you are.  You can do this girl, how ever you decide to do it.  Just keep reminding yourself it's all in the mind.  You have only gained fifteen pounds back, so now is the time to nick it in the bud!!  I remember numerous times where I would say..I won't go past this next ten digits...and I did.  DON'T let that happen!!  You know how to do the do girl, I've seen you.  You are a very strong person!  Kick those cookies out to the curb, clean out your pantry, go get healthy foods, do whatever you think it will take you, and do it!  

Glad to see you back :)

(((((HOLLLY)))))   OMG..
Amen girllie... good to see you!  Yea..I fell off of doing my do, but frankly it's not all in my mind.. it's mostly on my butt right now!  The total gain is 28.8 lbs... since.. november.  You're on target about cleaning out the house.. I find I keep a LOT more junk around with David here.  He's in such great shape..and CAN indulge, I was trying not to punish HIM for MY issues.  But.. he is an understanding man and I know he'd help.  He sees it's making me crazy... that above all... I fear NOTHING.. but gaining more weight!

Hi Lori,

I am one of the newbies around here, but your post struck a cord with me!  I am a stress/emotional eater, and although I am only starting out - I can see that will ALWAYS be a hurdle for me.

I think you are doing the right thing by getting on top of this now.  You lost 125 pounds!  You can do this - I am impressed with your determination.  I just started, I am heavier than you ever were, and I struggled for the month - and I swear over Easter weekend I put on the 11 pounds I managed to lose!

Sorry - obviously I am not an expert in this area - but I think it is important to be forgiving of yourself.  You have a lot going on - so forgive yourself those few pounds and move on from that.  Believe in yourself - you can do it!

Heather.

thank you for responding heather!  One thing for sure.. you are understanding of how FAST it comes back on... one whole heyel of a lot faster than it came off.

Get determined..get a  mindset..and get there... the difference between 325and even 265 for me was JOINING A GYM...JOGGING down the steps instead of carefully taking one at a time.  Walking 20' to the bathroom without a walker.  .. cutting down on pain medication.. diabetes control...   that alone makes it worth it..   and if "I" did that... the weakest person on the face of the earth (by the Grace of God mind you).. then you can do it.

I think that's what I've forgotten..   I got so INTO THE WORLD with the newfound attention I was getting from losing all that weight that I keep forgetting to praise who  it is that got me there to begin with.

thank you!!  God be With you... get  on your do girl.... gotta start somewhere!

Hi Lori, it's good to see you. I remember Neecee and Mary- I wonder how they are doing, I sometimes lurked and occasionally posted here for awhile before I became active. I find coming here on a regular basis helps keep me on track.

I'm very impressed with how well you have done - especially since you are recognizing the problem early before it's blown out of control and you gained all the weight back plus more.

Treating stress with food is such a common problem - have you though about other ways to deal with your stress? Like going for a walk or something else? Maybe finding healthy lo cal foods to eat when stressed?

What did you do to shed the weight in the first place? What was your motivation back then? What can we do to help you find the success you had originally?

Thank you for responding Skylar... congrats on your success to date! My immediate goal was 180 which I didn't think was too lofty until the past year.  Took me a whole year to dump 16 lb... now it's back on plus another 10.

My motivation...  wow... I was either going to start living, or hurry up and die.. cause at that weight I had no quality of life..   I guess that was the motivation....  and relied heavily on God to keep me straight.  I think that's where I've gone wrong.

I've been lately doing a lot of thinking about the 7 deadly sins...   I look down at my (squeezing into size 14's but really a 16 butt) and think.. this is gluttony.  Maybe I can find something in this again.

God bless you in your endeavors... you're quite an inspiration!

Lori

Hi Lori, nice to meet you.
Mary pops in from time to time hopefully she'll stop by and see your posting.

Congrats on losing weight and keeping most of it off......maintenance is not easy.
The good news is you recognize you need to regroup and take control again....that's the first step...so now you just have to focus on taking it one day at a time, one meal at a time making good and healthy choices for yourself.
You know exercise will help you so start slow.....go for a 20 min walk and then work up to 30 mins and you should do fine.  You did before so you know you can do it again.  Go for it girl, you deserve the best!!!

Best wishes to you!

Thank you for responding Moosie..

I did rejoin the gym a few weeks ago, but my old trainer is no longer there.  He helped keep me on track.  I may have to hire another one.  since rejoining ... I've only gone twice for some "cursory" exercising.  My shrink says rejoining in itself was an important step.  Of course, my retort was.. NO.. if  I don't GO.. all it seems to be is a big waste of money!

Exercise is 10% of weight loss... but I did find it to be a huge stress reliever when I was going regularly.  Here's the thing...   When I met this man...  a year and a half ago...  he dumped me after a couple of months because my ARMS wereTOO muscular... so..d on't ask me why.. but I stopped working out.. let them get all soft and flabby.. next thing you know.. NOW I was what he wanted...

   I'm just not what I WANT.  Genetics cause me to build muscle quickly. ..  as a former gymnast and body builder, it  didn't take much for my muscles to remember... and POOF..  so  I guess I just have to  decide which is more important...

God be with you.. congrats on your well deserved successes!!

Lori

Some say exercise is only 10 or 20 percent of weight loss but I personally believe it is more like 50% of living a healthy life.  You can't have a healthy heart without eating right AND exercising.  I wish I really learned this and took it to heart 10 or 20 years ago.  I hope and pray almost every day that I didn't leave it till too late....this is why I'm always saying daily cardio is so important...at least 4 days a week.

Anyhow, best wishes on getting back down the weight you want to be.  I hope you come to terms with getting the arms and body YOU WANT and that YOU feel comfortable in.  

Hope to see you posting more....it's nice to get to know lots of people here.

TTFN
Ruth