Help Needed
Hi,
I am new to this forum and could use some help. I am the parent of an adult child who is dealing with obesity. Unfortunately, at the moment, he is not seeking medical help or help of any other kind. I am seeking advice on how a concerned parent could be helpful to his son recognize and address his problem of obesity. I'm sure many folks have faced this issue and can steer me in a helpful directon.
Thanks.
BARRY
I am new to this forum and could use some help. I am the parent of an adult child who is dealing with obesity. Unfortunately, at the moment, he is not seeking medical help or help of any other kind. I am seeking advice on how a concerned parent could be helpful to his son recognize and address his problem of obesity. I'm sure many folks have faced this issue and can steer me in a helpful directon.
Thanks.
BARRY
Oh boy- this is a tough topic for me. I'm a victim of misguided love & concern of my parents. With your child being an adult- it'll be harder- it'll depend greatly on how close you two are if what you say will have any influence..much less positive influence. Don't ignore it, don't shove it down his/her throw. Its REALLY a delicate balance...
What I wished I would have had, is, to be taught self love- no matter my weight. I wished I would have SEEN my parents eat fruit & veggies outside of diets...so I'd understand they should be part of a a daily diet ...not just a weight loss diet. I wish I was encouraged in activities outside the home. I wish I'd have known my options in losing weight... I was only ever preached "thier" way which always seemed impossible
I can tell you what was damaging to me:
1) being forced on diets, being forced to eat 'healthy things' with no concept of knowing what healthy really meant
2) "scared straight tactics" ie- being told I'm going to die, have a stroke
3) being bribed to lose weight "I'll get you a new car, jewelery etc)
4) I wish I didn't feel like acceptance/approval didn't = weight loss
What I wished I would have had, is, to be taught self love- no matter my weight. I wished I would have SEEN my parents eat fruit & veggies outside of diets...so I'd understand they should be part of a a daily diet ...not just a weight loss diet. I wish I was encouraged in activities outside the home. I wish I'd have known my options in losing weight... I was only ever preached "thier" way which always seemed impossible
I can tell you what was damaging to me:
1) being forced on diets, being forced to eat 'healthy things' with no concept of knowing what healthy really meant
2) "scared straight tactics" ie- being told I'm going to die, have a stroke
3) being bribed to lose weight "I'll get you a new car, jewelery etc)
4) I wish I didn't feel like acceptance/approval didn't = weight loss
(deactivated member)
on 3/19/10 5:11 am - West Central FL☼RIDA , FL
on 3/19/10 5:11 am - West Central FL☼RIDA , FL
Hi,
I wish I could help you but I have no children so this is not something I have dealt with. I have tried to help my nieces but they are/were at the age that "they know everything" and the adults in their life don't understand anything!
All I can suggest it sitting down with your son and talking with him (not yelling or preaching to him), and tell him how what you are saying is because you love him and you want him to life a FULL and long life. I can tell you that I have shared with my nieces all the things I missed out on doing because I was so heavy....I either physically could not do them or I was too embarrassed to try to do them so I sat on the sidelines of life for majority of my life...for sure my adult years and all those years that should have been my "best years".
Sometimes a child listens to a stranger more than their parent or relative...if you think it will help I'd be happy to chat with your son...just let me know.
Best wishes!!!
Ruth
I wish I could help you but I have no children so this is not something I have dealt with. I have tried to help my nieces but they are/were at the age that "they know everything" and the adults in their life don't understand anything!
All I can suggest it sitting down with your son and talking with him (not yelling or preaching to him), and tell him how what you are saying is because you love him and you want him to life a FULL and long life. I can tell you that I have shared with my nieces all the things I missed out on doing because I was so heavy....I either physically could not do them or I was too embarrassed to try to do them so I sat on the sidelines of life for majority of my life...for sure my adult years and all those years that should have been my "best years".
Sometimes a child listens to a stranger more than their parent or relative...if you think it will help I'd be happy to chat with your son...just let me know.
Best wishes!!!
Ruth
(deactivated member)
on 3/20/10 12:54 am - West Central FL☼RIDA , FL
on 3/20/10 12:54 am - West Central FL☼RIDA , FL
No problem....just "PM" me if you want to throw about some ideas/thoughts.
Best wishes to you!!
Best wishes to you!!
I was on the receiving end of "advise" from a concerned parent. Sure, everyone is different, but it did now work with me - if anything, it hurt me more than help me. My Dad would make comments if I was having a hot chocolate "Do you really need that?" And this was before I really started gaining weight. But, at this time, I started hiding what I ate.
I think it would be great if you would let someone else (like Ruth who offered) talk to him. But, if you do it yourself, be sure the FIRST words you say are about how much you love him, and how you want him to have a full, rich life. My Dad tried that approch a few years ago (and many, many pounds later) - it didn't work for me, but maybe it will for your son.
But, honestly, no matter what anyone else said, the decision to lose weight had to be my own. Nobody else can control what goes in my mouth and how often I exercise. Unconditional support is the biggest thing in my life right now - and I get that from my husband. Not once has he ever told me I need to lose weight (even over concern for my health). When I bring it up to him, he just supports whatever decision I make. That means a lot to me.
Anyway, good luck. I hope for your son's sake that he figures it out - it is not easy.
Heather.
I think it would be great if you would let someone else (like Ruth who offered) talk to him. But, if you do it yourself, be sure the FIRST words you say are about how much you love him, and how you want him to have a full, rich life. My Dad tried that approch a few years ago (and many, many pounds later) - it didn't work for me, but maybe it will for your son.
But, honestly, no matter what anyone else said, the decision to lose weight had to be my own. Nobody else can control what goes in my mouth and how often I exercise. Unconditional support is the biggest thing in my life right now - and I get that from my husband. Not once has he ever told me I need to lose weight (even over concern for my health). When I bring it up to him, he just supports whatever decision I make. That means a lot to me.
Anyway, good luck. I hope for your son's sake that he figures it out - it is not easy.
Heather.
I'd strongly suggest you arm yourself with as much knowledge, facts, studies, etc., and then consider how would be best to approach your son. You know him far better than we, with the right knowledge behind you then and only then will you know the best approach.
It's a crazy thing we do. We really prefer thin over a taco but we reach for the taco anyway. Go figure! There is just so much to this topic it is very hard to comprehend.
I sent you a PM, btw.
It's a crazy thing we do. We really prefer thin over a taco but we reach for the taco anyway. Go figure! There is just so much to this topic it is very hard to comprehend.
I sent you a PM, btw.
(deactivated member)
on 3/22/10 3:11 am
on 3/22/10 3:11 am
Oh boy- this is a tough topic for me. I'm a victim of misguided love & concern of my parents.
I love what Peachpie wrote - it can be so true. I think more than teaching, children watch you carefully and copy what you do - being the best role model when it comes to making food choices is probably the best thing you can do. I feel for you, my younger DD has gained a lot of weight recently and it's so painful to see and know that she is a grown woman who has to make the right decisions for herself - She is watching how successful DH and I have been and I know when she is ready she will do the right thing.
Skylar
I love what Peachpie wrote - it can be so true. I think more than teaching, children watch you carefully and copy what you do - being the best role model when it comes to making food choices is probably the best thing you can do. I feel for you, my younger DD has gained a lot of weight recently and it's so painful to see and know that she is a grown woman who has to make the right decisions for herself - She is watching how successful DH and I have been and I know when she is ready she will do the right thing.
Skylar
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