Gluttony
As an afterthought, I remembered that Mother Teresa would leave food on her plate - always - for God. Deprivation - not to an excess, ever - is a form of discipline. We never want to be so depleted of food/fuel that we cannot serve others.
Hol, I pray that when you cannot do the tough things for YOU, try thinking of your kids. I do not mean to throw them under the bus here or insinuate that you never think of them. Just that it works for me to get my head out of my own ass once a while and think of others and what they might want or need from me.
My kids would bag on me cuz i would not buy junk food or junky cereal, but secretly back then and openly now, they are proud of that. Now, my younger daughter (30 yo with her own family) is a junk food a-holic but I know at times, I get glimpses of her trying to do better.
My mother was not fat but she was depressive and DAMN, it would have been nice to be able to brag how she pulled herself up and took responsiblity for her condition. As it is, I felt I had to save myself and get away from her. I know you don't want that - or worse, having your kids feel they cannot leave you, ever, cuz you're so helpless.
I see the strong vital woman that you ARE, Holly. Let that woman emerge.
Hol, I pray that when you cannot do the tough things for YOU, try thinking of your kids. I do not mean to throw them under the bus here or insinuate that you never think of them. Just that it works for me to get my head out of my own ass once a while and think of others and what they might want or need from me.
My kids would bag on me cuz i would not buy junk food or junky cereal, but secretly back then and openly now, they are proud of that. Now, my younger daughter (30 yo with her own family) is a junk food a-holic but I know at times, I get glimpses of her trying to do better.
My mother was not fat but she was depressive and DAMN, it would have been nice to be able to brag how she pulled herself up and took responsiblity for her condition. As it is, I felt I had to save myself and get away from her. I know you don't want that - or worse, having your kids feel they cannot leave you, ever, cuz you're so helpless.
I see the strong vital woman that you ARE, Holly. Let that woman emerge.
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not." ~Mark Twain
To me, reading your worries about being a glutton rang a serious bell! I have lost weight both naturally and through weight loss surgery. In my family, if something good to eat came along, you better grab it up QUICK because 5 minutes later, it would be GONE!! My family had 11 kids in it, and we didn't get a lot of treats. Plus, my mom was terrified of becoming fat, and she used to put us all on diets. When we were kids, NONE of us girls were fat. But almost all of us have weight problems as adults! Huh. Go figure.
In the past, I had reached 226 and lost 60 pounds, keeping it off for about 8 years. I did it by relentlessly journaling every single thing that went in my mouth, liquid or solid. I made a daily calorie goal (about 1500), and tried to eat within that every day.
I could eat as much as I wanted of "free foods," like salad (it is so handy that it comes in a bag nowadays!), cucumbers, bell peppers, etc. In addition to the journaling, I tried to figure out and write about WHEN I was most likely to turn to food--and eventually I figured out my pattern! And if I wanted a treat, I measured out a portion into a dish, sat down, and enjoyed the hell out of it! And, of course, wrote it down.
I also made sure I got some activity every day. I rode my bike for at least a half hour a day, but lots of people walk and it does them a world of good! I was fit, but a little fluffy, bike-commuting to work about 40-70 miles a week, and feeling good. I was happy.
Then I wa**** by the serious, life-altering specter of grief and clinical depression, through some pretty horrible experiences that happened to me and my family. I gained weight like there was no tomorrow. I was so depressed I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. I didn't want to move, and certainly not to exercise. I felt worthless and horrible, and that I deserved to look like a fat, shapeless lump. My highest weight was 292, and on someone who's 5'2", that's quite a lot. I developed sleep apnea and hypertension, and I was in constant pain. My frame just could not support this weight.
I ended up having RNY in March, 2007, due to the cumulative effect of my health problems. But, after analyzing myself for a long time, I knew that I had to work the program for it to work for me. My demons are still there. They were instilled in me as a little kid and reinforced over years and years in my family. I had developed this unhealthy relationship with food gradually, giving myself props for my good choices and deciding to do better next time when I mess up.
Using the RNY, I lost from 292 to 162. Then, I lost a further 16 pounds due to stress. However, about 6 of those pounds came back when the source of my anxiety was removed! LOL. Still, once I had achieved 146, I knew that if I just tweaked my diet and started exercise again, I could probably get there again.
I started run/walking a few months ago. I walked for 5 min., ran for 30 seconds, and kept it up for 30 minutes per day with Mondays and Fridays off. :) Eventually, I could run 2 miles without stopping! I write my mileage down every day, and it is so cool to see it in black and white! I feel I am accomplishing something, and though I see only a modest reduction in the scales, my thighs and calves feel firmer, stronger--and my jeans fit better! I tell myself I am awesome for doing this or that for better health. And I am! And YOU ARE TOO!! We are all striving to be the healthiest we can be.
I do my diet journal on a regular basis. I think it will probably be a tool I use, off and on, for many years to come. It helps me get back control when I find myself spiralling. Night-time snacking is a biggie for me, so I try to plan a healthier snack for that part of the day. A REALLY good one is to wedge an apple, put it in a bowl with 2 tablespoons of peanut butter. MMMMM!!!!! Then, you dip the juicy crunchy apple into the peanut butter and the tastes meld in your mouth! And it's only 250 calories. Smart Pop is another good one--the 94% fat free microwave popcorn? I put it in a bowl and try to savor one kernel at a time.
Anyway, I guess this post is pretty long-winded! I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel and that I give you a lot of credit for what you are doing to take charge of your health. Self-control is important, but it's not the complete picture. We all need people supporting us in our choices, too! I hope you are getting that kind of support here at OH! It's an awesome place to be. Take Care!
In the past, I had reached 226 and lost 60 pounds, keeping it off for about 8 years. I did it by relentlessly journaling every single thing that went in my mouth, liquid or solid. I made a daily calorie goal (about 1500), and tried to eat within that every day.
I could eat as much as I wanted of "free foods," like salad (it is so handy that it comes in a bag nowadays!), cucumbers, bell peppers, etc. In addition to the journaling, I tried to figure out and write about WHEN I was most likely to turn to food--and eventually I figured out my pattern! And if I wanted a treat, I measured out a portion into a dish, sat down, and enjoyed the hell out of it! And, of course, wrote it down.
I also made sure I got some activity every day. I rode my bike for at least a half hour a day, but lots of people walk and it does them a world of good! I was fit, but a little fluffy, bike-commuting to work about 40-70 miles a week, and feeling good. I was happy.
Then I wa**** by the serious, life-altering specter of grief and clinical depression, through some pretty horrible experiences that happened to me and my family. I gained weight like there was no tomorrow. I was so depressed I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. I didn't want to move, and certainly not to exercise. I felt worthless and horrible, and that I deserved to look like a fat, shapeless lump. My highest weight was 292, and on someone who's 5'2", that's quite a lot. I developed sleep apnea and hypertension, and I was in constant pain. My frame just could not support this weight.
I ended up having RNY in March, 2007, due to the cumulative effect of my health problems. But, after analyzing myself for a long time, I knew that I had to work the program for it to work for me. My demons are still there. They were instilled in me as a little kid and reinforced over years and years in my family. I had developed this unhealthy relationship with food gradually, giving myself props for my good choices and deciding to do better next time when I mess up.
Using the RNY, I lost from 292 to 162. Then, I lost a further 16 pounds due to stress. However, about 6 of those pounds came back when the source of my anxiety was removed! LOL. Still, once I had achieved 146, I knew that if I just tweaked my diet and started exercise again, I could probably get there again.
I started run/walking a few months ago. I walked for 5 min., ran for 30 seconds, and kept it up for 30 minutes per day with Mondays and Fridays off. :) Eventually, I could run 2 miles without stopping! I write my mileage down every day, and it is so cool to see it in black and white! I feel I am accomplishing something, and though I see only a modest reduction in the scales, my thighs and calves feel firmer, stronger--and my jeans fit better! I tell myself I am awesome for doing this or that for better health. And I am! And YOU ARE TOO!! We are all striving to be the healthiest we can be.
I do my diet journal on a regular basis. I think it will probably be a tool I use, off and on, for many years to come. It helps me get back control when I find myself spiralling. Night-time snacking is a biggie for me, so I try to plan a healthier snack for that part of the day. A REALLY good one is to wedge an apple, put it in a bowl with 2 tablespoons of peanut butter. MMMMM!!!!! Then, you dip the juicy crunchy apple into the peanut butter and the tastes meld in your mouth! And it's only 250 calories. Smart Pop is another good one--the 94% fat free microwave popcorn? I put it in a bowl and try to savor one kernel at a time.
Anyway, I guess this post is pretty long-winded! I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel and that I give you a lot of credit for what you are doing to take charge of your health. Self-control is important, but it's not the complete picture. We all need people supporting us in our choices, too! I hope you are getting that kind of support here at OH! It's an awesome place to be. Take Care!
Most Active
Recent Topics
