Shadow People

This is how I feel most of the time.  Are there any others like this here?  I'm not looking for pity or tough love, just an ear.

I’m one of the shadow people who few will ever see,

and only venture outside when I have to.

I’ve been barked at like a dog

and abused in public places

to the sound of people’s snickers as they watched.

 

And you wonder why I chose to stay inside.

I’m a modern day leper, and though I’m not contagious,

I’m too obese to look at, too hideous to view.

Is this a disease?  Or a simple lack of will? 

It doesn’t really matter.  I still hide.

 

I lurk behind the curtain, or the blind that’s partially closed.

I won’t invite you over because then you’ll look at me

and everything good you thought of me will shatter.

Don’t worry, though.  I know I don’t matter…

…or is that the biggest lie of all?

 

No amount of science can erase prejudice

from the general public when I leave home.

It takes too much inner strength to stare them down,

so I remain a shadow person and pray to God for rescue.

Oh, how I pray to God for rescue.

Wow, did you write that?  That was pretty intense.    If you did write it, my heart goes out to you, as a friend.  It's hard not knowing where to fit in, or know if there is even a place for you too.  Obese people are ridiculed when instead should be taken by the hand.  Finding what you need to be nurtured in ones life is tough when so many are watching (or no****ching for that fact).  Hugs to you and anyone who feels like this.  As I walk it with you, maybe not to the extreme, but in my heart I know where you are coming from.  All we can do is lean on each other, and pray for strength to conquer all that we want too.  You DO have it in you, as we all do.  We just have to find the right ingredients for our weight loss and the right support to find our way to happiness.

HUGS

HollyRachel - hi!  Yes, I wrote this just a few minutes before I posted it.  I'm glad it spoke to you.  This site is the first place I've found where I felt I could 'tell it like it is'; where people would understand the struggle.  Our struggles aren't identical, but we do recognize the fight and the effort in each other.

Thank you for commenting.


(PS:  I'm a novelist and lyricist by trade, so writing comes easily for me.)  

Well to me that was awesome.  I think you should give yourself a pat on the back.  I might include it in my little folder of "thoughts", if you don't mind.  When I'm a little down or need a boost I like to look at them.  

I'll be looking forward to more of your posts! :)